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Being asked to be the "Alibi" for a cheating friend

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Alpha Blonde
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Have you ever been asked to be the ‘alibi’ for a cheating friend?
Have you ever agreed to this?
If not, are there are any circumstances that would ever convince you to say yes?
Does the level of your relationship with their significant other influence your decision? ie. if you don’t know their significant other, are you more likely to agree?

I’m curious about other people’s experiences with this, because I have been asked to be the alibi on many occasions, and my own opinions on this topic continue to change and evolve…
Lurker
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My guy friends always ask me although they know that it's 95% that I wont agree. I usually don't agree to be an alibi for a cheating friend 'cause i pity the one who is being cheated. But sometimes in some occasions I could be convinced to agree if it would be for a good reason I would agree 'cause i know that it would help/it would be for the good of all. But if it's not, it's my mind and conscience that would not agree then it would reflect in my face, eyes, actions, the tendency is "Failed". LOL
Lurker
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I had a male friend that would meet with me for drinks at a bar for a half hour, early in the evening, and then head over to meet his girlfriend. He was married. I didn't like being used like that and the friendship didn't last. He also got caught.
Lollipop Girl
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A friend of mine was cheating and she would ask me to lie for her and after about a month of it i got sick of being used and told her husband. We are no longer friends now either.
"Haters make me FAMOUS!!!"



Sassy
Lurker
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A friend of mine isnt cheating or anything but because she still lives with her parents and they think she's an angel, we have a pact to say we're with each other if either of our parents rings the other one.
Lurker
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Would never do it. Since I have very strong views about cheating it would go against what I believe is right.. plus having been cheated I never help another to do that..
Artistic Tart
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I dont even try to get involved in who is right and what the reasons are, thats for somebody else to decide. But if I have a friend who needs my help in their life, even if its to tell a lie to save their back, then I will do it. I may need the same someday and I will want to know that they have my back too.

I could refuse but why? I dont know why they do the things they do. And for me to tell the other? lol, no way in hell do I get involved in their business.
Active Ink Slinger
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A real friend would and should never ask you to do that , I know I would not and could not, I have if nothing else I have integrity, she or he should make there own beds if thay lie in them.nkrmvAR8uIc7hf9u
Active Ink Slinger
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NO FUCKING WAY, DONT GET ME INVOLVED, MAKE YOUR BED NOW SLEEP IN IT. I HAVE INTEGRITY YOU SHOULD TOO, GOOD LUCK.nSCSOdue19BzETpc
Active Ink Slinger
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Friends should not ask friends to do that ever.9w2VxgZ2GQoYt3Lj
Lurker
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Quote by Dancing_Doll
Have you ever been asked to be the ‘alibi’ for a cheating friend?
Have you ever agreed to this?
If not, are there are any circumstances that would ever convince you to say yes?
Does the level of your relationship with their significant other influence your decision? ie. if you don’t know their significant other, are you more likely to agree?

I’m curious about other people’s experiences with this, because I have been asked to be the alibi on many occasions, and my own opinions on this topic continue to change and evolve…


I have never been asked to be an alibi but even if somebody did ask i would say no because i dont want to get involved at all the only thing i would do is try and convince my friend that having an affair isnt worth it.
Lurker
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Nope I wouldn't have a friend like that I DO NOT believe in cheating no way no how and I won't back up someone on it either.
Lurker
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If you are open and honest, you have no reason to lie, and would not have to have a friend lie for you. A friend that does lie for you is no friend at all.ipuF1zPrACFupiWN
Active Ink Slinger
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I'd never do it. Had a friend ask me once, and after about a 15 minute argument, she was no longer my friend.
"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere." - Groucho Marx
Moderator
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Quote by LadyX
I could refuse but why? I dont know why they do the things they do. And for me to tell the other? lol, no way in hell do I get involved in their business.


I agree with this. I've known friends who have cheated on their partners. I've never willingly been their alibi, but I've never told their partners either. Their relationship is their responsibility. I'll always offer sympathy or listen if they need to talk, but I don't take on their issues and make them my own. I've given up trying to help fix things.

And besides, all we know about someone else's relationship is what they tell us. We never really know what's going on at home.
Internet Philosopher
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I've never been directly asked to do this, but if I was it would depend on the friend who asked and how well I knew his or her significant other. I have a few friends that I have known for better than 20 years and for them I would do it. I would also tell them that they we're being low class cowards for cheating, but I would still do it. I don't pretend to be right or moral about this, but there are some friendships that you don't turn your back on.
Constant Gardener
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I've had two of my friends (at the time) attempt to do this.

The first one, tried it in 1987...after he and I had been thick as thieves from 1979 til that afternoon. He didn't like being turned down by me, four years younger than him - who had never turned down any of his friendship requests during the 1980's. He was a major skirt chaser. "Mark, don't bring me in on your schemes, dude...you've used 50 other excuses over the years, don't introduce your drama to me, like this."

End of what I had felt was a diminishing friendship, anyway.

Brett, again 5 years older than I, had been my running buddy since 1991. His serial cheating made Mark look like an amateur, even by that point...since he had told me numerous stories of his behavior in the dozen years before I ever met him, and for the next 7 years, I witnessed him in action, on average, twice a month.

Brett violated many Man Laws, chief amongst them - "Never stick your dick, in the crazy." He had been using me as his foil and alibi for several years, without telling me. I had met his wife and young son in 1994 and again briefly at a company picnic in 1996. In 1998, he'd disappeared from his home on a Friday morning, left work and hooked up with some much younger woman he'd met earlier that week during another of his forays (without me as his wingman). He spent the entire weekend with her and arrived at his home late that Sunday evening.

As he was driving to his home, he called to ask, "Have you heard from Jeannie this weekend?"

"Nah, man...you guys okay, or...what?"

"I've been gone all weekend, man...so, I'm going to tell Jeannie that you collapsed in the nightclub Friday night and I took you to the hospital and spent all weekend trying to get ahold of your next of kin...I called my house twice over the weekend, and have the backstory all settled, but if you talk to Jeannie in the next few months - You had a heart attack at Touche's...okay?"

"No dude, that's far from okay. If you tell her that crock of shit, I swear to gawd, I won't call her myself, but if she calls me or we bump into one another, I'm going to play dumb and it'll crash around you later. Think of another excuse and do not ever use me again for an alibi...I've never considered using a friend for an excuse and certainly not something like that."

He apologized...I don't know what he told his wife to explain his nearly 72 hour diversion from normal life.

He's a good guy, he's just a serial cheater. But I didn't marry him or have a child with him. We're still friends, but I had to lay the law down to him, only one time in 19 years.

Interesting side note...Both Mark and Brett are under 5'9" tall. Both own swagger, exude sex appeal (to the women) and are definite Type A personalities...and the women flock all over 'em. And, they were both married and cheating.
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
Alpha Blonde
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Quote by WellMadeMale
I've had two of my friends (at the time) attempt to do this.

The first one, tried it in 1987...after he and I had been thick as thieves from 1979 til that afternoon. He didn't like being turned down by me, four years younger than him - who had never turned down any of his friendship requests during the 1980's. He was a major skirt chaser. "Mark, don't bring me in on your schemes, dude...you've used 50 other excuses over the years, don't introduce your drama to me, like this."

End of what I had felt was a diminishing friendship, anyway.

Brett, again 5 years older than I, had been my running buddy since 1991. His serial cheating made Mark look like an amateur, even by that point...since he had told me numerous stories of his behavior in the dozen years before I ever met him, and for the next 7 years, I witnessed him in action, on average, twice a month.

Brett violated many Man Laws, chief amongst them - "Never stick your dick, in the crazy." He had been using me as his foil and alibi for several years, without telling me. I had met his wife and young son in 1994 and again briefly at a company picnic in 1996. In 1998, he'd disappeared from his home on a Friday morning, left work and hooked up with some much younger woman he'd met earlier that week during another of his forays (without me as his wingman). He spent the entire weekend with her and arrived at his home late that Sunday evening.

As he was driving to his home, he called to ask, "Have you heard from Jeannie this weekend?"

"Nah, man...you guys okay, or...what?"

"I've been gone all weekend, man...so, I'm going to tell Jeannie that you collapsed in the nightclub Friday night and I took you to the hospital and spent all weekend trying to get ahold of your next of kin...I called my house twice over the weekend, and have the backstory all settled, but if you talk to Jeannie in the next few months - You had a heart attack at Touche's...okay?"

"No dude, that's far from okay. If you tell her that crock of shit, I swear to gawd, I won't call her myself, but if she calls me or we bump into one another, I'm going to play dumb and it'll crash around you later. Think of another excuse and do not ever use me again for an alibi...I've never considered using a friend for an excuse and certainly not something like that."

He apologized...I don't know what he told his wife to explain his nearly 72 hour diversion from normal life.

He's a good guy, he's just a serial cheater. But I didn't marry him or have a child with him. We're still friends, but I had to lay the law down to him, only one time in 19 years.

Interesting side note...Both Mark and Brett are under 5'9" tall. Both own swagger, exude sex appeal (to the women) and are definite Type A personalities...and the women flock all over 'em. And, they were both married and cheating.



This totally cracked me up. I've learned that I was an alibi after the fact on many occasions. And usually it involves some pathetic story of them telling their significant other that they had to take care of me (the single friend) because I was:

1. Stumbling drunk and passed out and they stayed with me overnight to ensure I didn't choke on my own tongue.
2. Having an emotional melt-down over a guy and they needed to stay with me incase I succumbed to vodka and razor blades.
3. I just came back from the doctor with some disturbing test results and I needed my 'friend' to talk me through the stress.

I have also been told after the fact that if the significant other ever asks, you were over at our place the other night and insisted on opening up those $200 bottles of wine that my man was saving for a special occasion... because if he finds out that it was me who opened them, then he'll freak out on me.

Fun stuff, because I end up looking like the completely unstable, ridiculous friend... Needless to say, the significant other isn't exactly embracing me warmly at group get-togethers.

I do speak my mind when a friend reveals they've used me as an alibi, but half the time I'm sure I don't even know myself.
Lurker
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I did it once for a friend because I didnt know his girlfriend, things didnt end so well and in the end people thought that I was his secret girlfriend.

Because of that, No, my friends can sort out their own sex lives.
Lurker
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I do this for my buddies all the time. This speaks to the universal guy code. You have to support your bro in his time of need. And some of these LA chicks can get really crazy and start trying to check up on where you say you were going or have their little friends spy on you. There's no trust level at all with these girls so you have to get creative and create that smokescreen and cover for your bro when he goes into the trenches. If that jealous girlfriend shows up with that emotional grenade you know she's wanting to launch you may have to lie to help him out. But thats the whole point of showing your bro that you know the true meaning of loyalty.
Wild at Heart
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My best friend asks me to cover for him all the time. It's annoying because his girlfriend is a sweetheart. I usually agree (he'd do anything for me, anything) but I tell him to think of a different excuse and only use me as a last resort. The moment when we're both standing there explaining what we did to his girlfriend feels like an eternity. She just stands there and stares right into my soul and doesn't say a word. It sucks... But I still help him out. I guess it is a guy code thing, you just gotta help your friends.
Artistic Tart
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Active Ink Slinger
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I generally feel that if you're going to cheat you should keep it to yourself. I wouldn't be that upset if someone wanted to use me as an alibi, but I'm a terrible liar so if they're SO ever asked me I wouldn't be very good cover.
Active Ink Slinger
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I have to agree with all 3 of lovetotasteyous' post.
Veni, vidi, vici" Julius Caesar 47 BC
Lurker
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Wouldn't do it! Would have to say NO! I have to be responsible for my own actions and so should others. True friends wouldn't even ask this of another.
Active Ink Slinger
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Wouldn't do it. For a start I can't lie and face the person I'm doing it to, and secondly I believe that if you are with one person
and you (have) to go elsewhere have the guts to tell the person you're doing it to.
Active Ink Slinger
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I was in a situation one where a friend's pregnant fiancé was having sex with the guy I was sleeping with. They asked me to keep it a secret, as we were close friends. I knew his fiancé quite well too, and I really struggled with whether or not I should tell her. In the end I did, she shouldn't have been marrying a man who was cheating on her, not once, but all the time with the same guy. Everyone was a little mad at me at first, but now everyone is a lot happier not being together.
Clumeleon
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I've never done this but I reckon I could be persuaded to do it as a 'one-off' favour to a good friend under the condition that they listen to me lecturing them about it. They would have to be a really good friend, mind. And the lie would have to be a simple one.
Lurker
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I have done this and I don't have a problem with it (having had someone do it for me in the past)

However, I would not want to find myself in a situation where this was demanded of me regularly - that would NOT be cool...

Also, I have a problem with lying - I just do not like doing it, so I would have to find ways to creatively avoid asking questions, rather than out and out lie...
Lurker
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For my best friend, sure.

For others, no. I would rather be left out if it altogether.