I have an amazing friend who I met here on lush. We chat almost every day, and often for as long as 5 hours. Somewhere along the way, I fell for her. Hard. She's happy with how things are, and sees no reason to change them. I want more. I know she's not ready for a relationship, and I wouldn't want one with her before she is ready, but I do want to meet her. Just as friends to hang out with her in real life. Online isn't enough for me. It's not real enough. And I've seen too many people just disappear from online without knowing what happened to them. This girl is amazing, I don't want to lose her friendship. She has hinted in the past she would eventually be ready to meet me in person, but now isn't so sure.
Has anyone ever fallen for a friend before? Does it inevitably mean the end of the friendship? Any advice on what I need to do moving forward?
I don't want to push her away by making things awkward, but at the same time, I can't deny how I feel about her.
If she's a Lushie, then isn't this post essentially "coming out" to her?
In order to know virtue, you must first become acquainted with vice.
- Donatien Alphonse Francois de Sade
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En vis mann slår aldri en hund i klubben med en stokk, fordi hunden vil vende rundt og biter mannens ballene av. No. She's known for a long time. We still get along great but there is always the underlying tension of me wanting more, and her feeling bad for not wanting/being able to give it.
I know what I'd do.
I'd quit my career (it's easily portable), put my house on the market - move to her area...get an apartment, then look for a job. Then after I took something - like gas station cashier, just to get money rolling in (while still trying to get rehired back into my career field)...
I'd then order as many dozen red roses as would signify how many months we've 'known' one another (1 per month!)...and have them delivered to her office where she works...show up unexpectedly, cause a minor scene with security - just to gather people around and then, when she's properly surprised - I'd present her with a big glitzy solitaire - in front of all her peers...and ask her hand in marriage.
Cuz I'm an old-fashioned - take charge kind of guy. Chicks dig that Alpha Male stuff.
(just kidding man)...perhaps you should put your 'wanting more' desires on a back burner...dial down the heat - and just be her online friend - allow her desires to come first and see if she can become comfortable enough to invite you to meet her in public, for dinner or cocktails.
You may discover that she's got a third eyeball in her armpit which you weren't aware of, or she might not like the way you drum your fingers on the tabletop...or perhaps you'll get on each others nerves in any of 300 other ways - which just nixes the whole escalation of furthering a physical relationship.
You both have plenty of time.
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
It seems you both have different wants. You want to meet her badly and move things forward quicker than she does. Each of you has to figure out what you will accept. I know a lot of long distance relationships end because one can't wait for the other. At this point, all you can do is continue to enjoy her online. Have you tried to phone her yet? It might move things along more.
I wish I had more positive advice.
I guess you could say I've been on both sides of this one, and either way, if the friendship ended it is because the pursuer couldn't live with the friendship only, which is what the other person really enjoys.
Tread carefully if you want to keep to keep the friendship, but based on what you write here, maybe you don't. Maybe you want more and your patience is exhausted. Been there, man.
Unfortunately you can't make another person feel a certain way about you, no matter how hard you try to shift and engineer fate to work in your favor.
As for me and that girl- we don't keep up with or contact each other anymore, it was easier than always dodging raw emotions and pretending we enjoyed what we had, as we had it. Not everything gets a disney ending, but it will give you a better sense of what you want and why- and that's a hell of a lot more important than it might seem as you read this.
Respect her and her thoughts on this matter. If you push it, with her already saying "friends" you are not respecting her and thinking you know best. Which will just annoy her as she has made her mind clear.
If it is meant to be, it will be. And since you have mentioned this too her, she might start pulling back from you, or int he middle of conversations say she must go do something. Let her. This is how many women cope with this situation, distance. It sucks camel penises for you. All you can do now is try to get back to where you both were before all of this. That is the hardest part. Good luck!
Living life and enjoying life are two different things... just need to figure out how to do both at the same time to live it right!
Woman... GO FLY A KITE!!!!! Take a slideshow walk with me on a walk through the parks of Inner Mongolia, China. Then enjoy the tale of a very traditional day in the life of a white Woman in China. i fell for a friend. i don't know where it could lead eventually. we have not went out and we talk and stuff but i don't know how she feels. i kinda don't know where to go there either. something might get in the way like it does sometimes. omg i thing she is so nice and such a hottie and would love to have more
I met a guy on here, we became really good friends, talked everyday, and I even knew his fiance. He lost his fiance, I was there for him, we ended up getting really close. Then one day he pops up and tells me he loves me. After that we spent everyday talking all day long. I am married, but my husband knows about him, and thinks it is great I have him in my life.
I can honestly say that I've never fallen for a friend (like developed an attraction to a friend that I never had an initial attraction to in the first place).
I'm very black and white that way. If there is an attraction at all, I'm always aware of it, even if I choose not to pursue something romantic with that person at the time.
Then there is that whole debate: can men and women ever just be friends?
Sometimes I think yes, other times no.
I LOVE having guy friends (I feel like I think more like a guy a lot of the time anyway), and am always trying to find more guy friends, but I find that inevitably, they end up wanting to have sex with me at some point. And then I find out they were playing the friendship card the whole time in the hopes that I would "fall for them", and when I don't, there is the possibility of losing that 'friend' altogether. Which is actually really frustrating for me!
I feel like guys use the friendship card in a more strategic way.
And women are just more genuine in wanting to hang out with the guys in a platonic way, and enjoy a bit of the male perspective.
Being surrounded by too much estrogen in your social circles can get pretty tedious at times...
I can say that I have fallen for a friend before, but tried to keep my feelings under wraps as I was already in a relationship. I found it to be a very tricky situation, as I hadn’t planned for it to happen and also didn’t want to hurt anyone, myself included. There was no actual physical contact with my friend, I think if there had been it would have changed the dynamics completely. (I also made sure we were not left alone together after a few drinks, that's just asking for trouble)
Sometimes there are a lot of other factors to consider and it may come down to what we are prepared to settle for. In my case I was able to keep the friendship and luckily we remained good buddies, but we knew where the boundary line was. It all depends on the individuals concerned. Strangely, I think we were very a like and able to read each others minds to a certain extent.
We were also quite busy people, with a lot going on with work and life in general. So maybe the time constraints keeping us a part held things in perspective.
It's no good falling for a friend. Virtual or real. My situation ended in nothing but pain and regret. Wish I had never said a thing. Came back to stab me right in the heart.
I've fallen for a very close friend of mine and it didn't work out at all. Every time we would get to that point of no return, he tells me that he's seeing someone, and then calls me to complain about the women he's going to dump. For a second, we got back together until the same shit happened again. I felt cheated, used, and angry that I had fell for him. Now he's married with a child and we haven't spoken since.
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These kind of relationships are what people write about and make movies about. Heartache and pain.
I dont know.....it could end up anyway...I guess what is meant to be will be.
All i know is that if you push her, she will resent you for it later....WAIT .
If the tables were turned would you want to eet someone for real without understanding what was at stake and then make the decision
Hey you can definitely fall someone on here - the odd thing is we that all come on here for a bit fun, occasionally intellectual stimulus and some sensual karma. HOWEVER, on the very rare occasion there is someone who just sets off the touch paper of sexual tension and WHAM.
Isolation - A Tale Of Star-Crossed Lovers
By
hartclass & CumGirl
Surreal, yet real, intense, somehow wierd but so very, very lovely ! I want more too ....
Rent the movie "She Just Not That Into You".
IMO - She's just not that into you.
The harder you try, the more your freindship will suffer.
You need to back off and just become a freind, all the while hopping she will suddenly see what she has right in front of her. Endure the other boy freinds she will have and learn to bury your love deep in a place that will require mega amounts of therapy later in life.
OR
Just pose the question to her, and if she says no - MOVE ON.
Having little luck in love when I was younger I used to fall for friends all the time, sometimes serious and sometimes not. Unfortunately since I had no luck in love in the first place said friends were never falling for me. There was only one, a little later on, not long before I first met My wife, that I tried to have a relationship with, and that did not work out because I quickly saw that we did not have the same ideas about things.
