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How to be a 'bad' sub and get punishment

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newbadgirl
Rookie Scribe
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Hi Guys!

I'm all new in here and I have a question about how to be a 'bad' girl and lead my guy to punish me. I've recently met this guy who likes the same sexually things as me (he's kind of a dom and I am really much sub). But my thing is that I am shy and I really dont want to directly tell him, that I wish him to punish me (I still feel it kindoff taboo plus where I come from, a small town in Denmark, we usually don't do this).

He likes dominating me and I really much think that he would love to punish me, but I don't know if I should make him think the thought first or rather just tell him directly. I fint the idea, that I dont ask for it, really hot.

How should I approach this?

- Newbadgirl
NOLAHotGal
Active Ink Slinger
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Fail to do something he has instructed you to do. BUT, first do y'all have a safe word or an understanding as to the limits of the punishment such as flogging.

Brandie
sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
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Quote by newbadgirl
Hi Guys!

I'm all new in here and I have a question about how to be a 'bad' girl and lead my guy to punish me. I've recently met this guy who likes the same sexually things as me (he's kind of a dom and I am really much sub). But my thing is that I am shy and I really dont want to directly tell him, that I wish him to punish me (I still feel it kindoff taboo plus where I come from, a small town in Denmark, we usually don't do this).

He likes dominating me and I really much think that he would love to punish me, but I don't know if I should make him think the thought first or rather just tell him directly. I fint the idea, that I dont ask for it, really hot.

How should I approach this?

- Newbadgirl


a question. are you serious about having a real D/s relationship or is this just the two of you role-playing out sexual fantasies? if it's the second, that's totally cool and i hope you enjoy yourself to the fullest. if it's the former, then you shouldn't be looking for ways to be a 'bad girl' and get punished. that kind of defeats the purpose. what you should be trying to do is be a good girl as best you can. and what kind of punishment are you talking about? if it's a spanking or something along those lines, you should communicate that you'd like to be spanked. a hint, for me, punishment means standing in the corner with my nose pressed to the wall for an extended period of time so that i can think about what i did wrong, how i disappointed my Mistress, and how to avoid a repeat performance.

bottom line, tho, a good D/s relationship relies on communication. you need to talk to him about your wants and needs, even if it's just for play - ANY sexual relationship relies on communication. how does he know what kind of punishment you crave? how does he know that you are acting out, not out of disrespect, but because you want to be punished. i am sure that, if he is aware of your needs, he can easily turn it into a game that both of you can enjoy. look at it like this - you're being intimate - shouldn't be any reason to be shy - i am sure he'd be happy to look after your needs. smile

also, you should read thru this for an idea of how things work in D/s relationships:

https://www.lushstories.com/forum/yaf_postst18882_BDSM-101.aspx

best of luck and i hope you both work it all out. *hugs*

sprite.

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

She
Marx Sister
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So, I agree with sprite, that being a bad sub is not the goal of a proper sub. If you would like to be punished in a fun and sexy way, that's sort of different from being punished as a sub. Now, I see that you put the term 'bad' in half quotes, which makes me assume that you are using the term 'punishment' kind of loosely. I would also like to reiterate the lovely sprite in the following statement:

Quote by sprite
you need to talk to him about your wants and needs, even if it's just for play - ANY sexual relationship relies on communication. how does he know what kind of punishment you crave?


This is a big deal. Though I don't identify as a lifestyle dom, I am very dominant with two of my partners, each of whom is a good girl. Sexually speaking, they submit to me in the moment, and what I want in that moment. If a partner does not satisfy a desire of mine in a moment, that is not something I would punish them for. Punishment comes if somebody fails to satisfy their instructions, and may look more like the withholding of pain and/or affection. Willfully misbehaving in general actually makes you kind of a bad sub, rather than a 'bad' sub, if that makes sense. If a partner misbehaves playfully (for example, playfully denying something I want), I might flog them, or restrain them or torture them with excessive orgasms, but if I want to actually punish them, I am more likely to do something like what sprite described:

Quote by sprite
for me, punishment means standing in the corner with my nose pressed to the wall for an extended period of time so that i can think about what i did wrong, how i disappointed my Mistress, and how to avoid a repeat performance.


This is a place where it is important to delineate between D/S play and D/S lifestyle. The reason being that punishment in a relationship where this dynamic is in play both in and out of the bedroom, punishment is rarely intended to create a feeling of gratification - sexual or otherwise - in the submissive party, but in fact to be a learning experience. Something like flogging is typically more of a reward than a punishment. Punishment could also be making a sub wait for their reward, or denying it to them until they complete their task correctly.

The dynamic in question is a complex one, and this answer is sort of hard to write without knowing if this is about play or lifestyle. The answer to your question also depends on what sort of punishment you have in mind. Next...

Quote by NOLAHotGal
BUT, first do y'all have a safe word or an understanding as to the limits of the punishment such as flogging.


This is important. Even if you don't use a safeword or similar mechanism (which is advisable), you and he both need to have a clear understanding of what is good and what is bad. Furthermore, you need to know what signals that one of you has experienced too much of something. Safewords are an easy way to make things safer at the beginning. Other mechanisms are specific forms of physical touch - this is often useful in a situation where you might be gagged or otherwise rendered voiceless, but are not fully restrained. Hand signals are also a fine choice. Regardless, establish some way of indicating that you need what's happening to stop immediately.

Communication is key in this situation, as has been pointed out. Tell him what you want when you're not in scene. If you are not comfortable for any or multiple of the wide array of valid reasons, then I would recommend that you write down how you're feeling, so that you can collect your thoughts. In fact, I recommend this regardless, because organizing your ideas will make the conversation easier.

With all that in mind, go for it! I'm glad you met each other, now go have fun with each other. smile
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Guest
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Do something which is forbidden, provided your mistress knows your limits.
black1
Active Ink Slinger
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Communication under pins relationships. This is something you really need to talk about to set boundaries and more importantly as mentioned by others some sort of safeword set up.

Without communication this will be a none starter .
Sensei
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I agree with the communication point. No relationship (and certainly no BDSM relationship) is like another.

Personally, I don't like bratting (that is, faux misbehavior in order to induce a punishment). I would rather she request attention directly if she wishes it, or perhaps arrange for a regular scheduled session.

But by contrast lots of couples like the bratting dynamic. As long as both sides know and approve, it's all good.
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black1
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Quote by Sensei
I agree with the communication point. No relationship (and certainly no BDSM relationship) is like another.

Personally, I don't like bratting (that is, faux misbehavior in order to induce a punishment). I would rather she request attention directly if she wishes it, or perhaps arrange for a regular scheduled session.

But by contrast lots of couples like the bratting dynamic. As long as both sides know and approve, it's all good.


I agree with that. We do a lot of roleplaying , so IMO some resistance does add to the occasion . At end of the day very few would willingly want to receive Corporal Punishment in a real life setting . So to make the play realistic this has to be factored in.
LucyLou62
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I have to subtly ask if he thinks I am naughty and get onto the subject of punishment. Most guys like the idea of giving a girl like me a few slaps but putting me across their knee and really giving me a proper spank is something that not everyone likes. If a guy starts I encourage him to do it more, then if he does I beg him to do it, harder. I have a paddle and sometimes get it out and they get the picture. That hurts but is wonderful and usually I plead for more, it gets me hard being spanked property.