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How to live with painful memories?

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Lurker
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We all have memories we would rather forget and some painful ones that we wish we could erase. Unforently that's not how it works, so what are some copeing methods or how do you deal with your feelings when such memories arise? Do you throw yourself into your work? Party or go out with friends for drinks? Do you search for comfort in the arms of your partner or a stranger? Or maybe do you simply try to not think about it? Do you talk it out with friends or a mentor? Please list your response below and I apperciate you taking the time to read and respond to this post.
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painfull memories ive had these all my life, from being young when my parents where allways arguing, when the got divorced., I got married and then divorced,, from my divorce I threw myself into work, but all work and no play makes jack a dull boy, as they say. however as time passed I slowed down on the work and found a social life, , from that social life I found a great girl, , however we split up within months, then got back togeather, we split again and this time I realised I loved her, , there was lots of painfull memories then, again a bit more work, but a social life too, , now then, we just got back togeather again, and I mean just,, so im hoping to god this time it works because ive had enough painfull memories to last 2 lifetimes,,, this might not answer your question , we each deal with things in our own way,, it does help to talk,,
Lurker
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^ I apperciate you sharing with me as well as talking about what you did to deal with it. I hope it works out well with you and your girl. Also thanks for taking the time to reply and true everyone does have thier own way.
Active Ink Slinger
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Some of us box them away and get on with life appreciating the good things we have.
Some of us need to talk about it.
Sometimes I write to myself and that helps me express in private if that makes any sense
Rainbow Warrior
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Sometimes you have to compartmentalize. The shit you can't change can poison your whole life if you don't "box them away" as Oscar put it. I went through the talking about it stage. Two years of therapy. It helps a little, but ultimately, you move on and fill your life with things you DO have control over. That's what I've been doing for the past 18 years. I can't change what happened. I can only change what happens next.
Active Ink Slinger
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Painful memories and trauma are tough to get through. I've spent several years in therapy, talking about what happened, and it helped a lot. But there is also stuff that no amount of talking will help, and you have to lock that stuff away so it doesn't eat you up from the inside out. I have found that with time, I seem to be able to cope more easily, because I have made room inside myself for the pain and the loss, and chose to keep moving forward. I don't know if what works for me will work for someone else, though.
Active Ink Slinger
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Quote by BethanyFrasier
Sometimes you have to compartmentalize. The shit you can't change can poison your whole life if you don't "box them away" as Oscar put it. I went through the talking about it stage. Two years of therapy. It helps a little, but ultimately, you move on and fill your life with things you DO have control over. That's what I've been doing for the past 18 years. I can't change what happened. I can only change what happens next.



Sage advice... well tendered
Advanced Wordsmith
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I clean. And I mean, I clean.

I have horrific anxiety, and when it's at its worse, I can end up sitting in the center of my bed, reliving every terrible thing I've gone through or awkward conversation I've had in the last decade. Whenever I get like that, I try to force myself up and stay busy. This usually has the end result that my place is freaking spotless. Even my damn baseboards get cleaned.

By the time I'm done, I've usually come down from my anxiety attack.

If I haven't, I drink. That usually helps with whatever bad memories are left.
Active Ink Slinger
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For five or six years after I came home from Vietnam, I suffered from PTSD. It finally got bad enough that I went to the VA's Vet Center and joined group therapy where I could talk things over with other Vietnam vets. I also had one on one sessions with a psychologist who volunteered his time. Those worked for me.
Active Ink Slinger
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Martell 'Cordon Bleu' has its' advantages.

living dead girl
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Face them head on, Don't bottle them up because that only makes it worse, Talk about them openly, Eventually it begins to help
it doesn't sound like it would but just getting it all out is the stepping stone to healing.. and most of all no matter how painful it gets don't let your memories change you into someone you aren't...

Also..
I ditto what Bethany said, She's beyond wise.
Weaver of Words
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For me, it was a long process and going back and forth with hoping she would realize her mistake and finally coming to grips with the fact that things were probably more one sided than I had thought. Maybe that justification is just a mechanism to make me feel better, but it is what has worked for me.

I also agree with bethany's answer.
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I don't have any comforting words for such an emotion.
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Try and replace them with good. I know it is not always possible, sometimes you just have to live through them. But in time lots of time you will be able to move on. You will never forget, but you will be able to accept. xo
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Active Ink Slinger
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Memories are hard to delete from that memory bank. Little things can become big things if you don't face them. Admit to the fact they did occur and you have learned from those misdemeanours.
I have a past I should be ashamed of but I know that is in the past and that's where the memories will stay. I can't change the past.

Two women have made statements that I am more than impressed with
"Simplicity" - "Don't be afraid to start over - Its a new chance to rebuild what you want." " I did and I am rebuilding on a much firmer foundation.
"Beffer" says - "I can't change what happened. I can only change what happens next." I will be trying.
Somebody's Dreams
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Turn them into art, or music, or something beautiful. Transform them.


I'd love it if you read my story for the Notorious Competition.

The Temptress of Tanner Street
Wild at Heart
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I bottle them up deep inside and never think or deal with them. It’s really unhealthy. Probably going to turn into cancer some day.