Join the best erotica focused adult social network now
Login

Holiday Prank

last reply
8 replies
1.1k views
0 watchers
0 likes
Advanced Wordsmith
0 likes
Years ago, I informed my family(living in another state)that I would no longer visit during the Christmas holidays. The traveling was a real pain, so I planned my vacation travels when less people were doing so.

Work was usually busy that time of year anyway, so it worked out for my employer too. On that first year of staying at home, Christmas fell on a Thursday, so my employer was kind enough to give us the day after Christmas off so we could have a long weekend. Of course this meant we would have to work on Christmas Eve and since I worked the night shift, my Christmas day plan was to just sleep in. It may sound silly, but I was really looking forward to doing that.

But after I got home, I found myself wide awake. Unable to sleep, I decided to see what was on TV. Back then, I didn't have cable, so my viewing was limited to the networks and one local independent channel which mostly showed old TV shows and movies. I checked the TV Guide(Do they still publish those?)and saw that channel was showing "It's A Wonderful Life"(My favorite holiday film)and even though it had started an hour earlier, decided to watch it.

What I saw was definitely not "It's A wonderful Life". Adult type programming was not the norm back then. The station issued an apology a few days later to anyone who may have been offended and announced the employee who was responsible had been terminated. No one knew where he had gotten the film or why he decided to play it on the air(perhaps he was angry about having to work on Christmas Eve or maybe it was meant to be a harmless prank that went too far) but whatever the reason, the film was never seen again and was presumed destroyed.

And so now, I present to you(a Christmas card to the forum if you will)what I saw that night(as best I can remember)in all it's uncensored glory. Enjoy.
Advanced Wordsmith
0 likes
Joined in progress:

(Studio Host) "It's halftime here in what has become a holiday tradition...the annual Christmas Eve football game between the Beddford Falls Building And Loaners and the Potterrsville Slum Lords with the score tied zero to zero. These games have traditionally been hard hitting and the first half was no exception with numerous injuries to both teams. Here now with an update is sideline reporter, Lisa Woods."

(Lisa) "I asked Beddford Falls coach and player, George Baylee the reason for his teams' lack of scoring and he was quick to point out the numerous injuries his team suffered early on. He told me his running back can't run, he's got a broken ankle. His quarterback can't throw, he's got a bum shoulder. His top receiver can't catch, he's got a broken hand and his kicker can't kick, he's got a broken nose. I asked him..."Your kicker can't kick because of a broken nose?"...He responded and I'm quoting here..."No, he just can't kick. That's why I broke his nose."...Coach Baylee did tell me that because of the injury to his quarterback, that he would be taking over that position in the second half."

"As for Potterrsville, the only serious injury to report is to one of their backup players who attempted to suicide bomb the Beddford Falls huddle when, unfortunately, the vest he was wearing detonated too soon, blowing him to bits. His return is listed as doubtful. I now send it back to the studio."

(Studio Host) "Thanks for that report, Lisa. And now it's time for the Asswipe Wipes scoring summery. Brought to you by Asswipe Wipes. Whether it's hard and chunky, soft and mushy or runny and messy, Asswipe Wipes has the ass wipe for all your ass wipe needs. And now for the summery...Potterrsville scored no points and Beddford Falls scored no points. This has been the Asswipe Wipes scoring summery, brought to you by Asswipe Wipes. Asswipe Wipes, makes a great gift."

to be continued..
Advanced Wordsmith
0 likes
continued...

(Studio Host) "Now normally at halftime, we just break to the halftime show, usually a hot woman doing another hot woman with a strap on at the fifty yard line. Appropriate, you know, it being Christmas and all, but this year we decided to break with tradition and let you, the viewer, listen in on the halftime pep talks by both coaches. We take you now to Potterrsville locker room with coach and player, Mr. Henry Potterr."

(Potterr) "Men, I don't have to tell you how important this game is. There's class warfare going on between the have's...Us...and the have not's...You already know who they are. A bunch of good for nothing, lazy rabble. We can't have George Baylee stirring up any hope. It's time we crush them. Put them back in their places where they belong. George Baylee himself, called me a warped, frustrated old man. Well I say it's time we turned him into a warped, frustrated young man. If it means we have to kill every last one of them, then so be it...Also Merry Christmas."

(Studio Host) "And now we take you to the Beddford Falls locker room where there appears to be some kind of mutiny going on. Coach Baylee is standing in front of the locker room door, trying to prevent his team from leaving."

(George) "No, Wait! I beg you not to do this. Do you see what's going on here? Potterr's not trying to win, he's trying to get us to lose. How? I'll tell you how. Because we're panicking and he's not. We have to stick together. If he divides us, we have no chance of winning!" (Team Mate) "We have no chance of winning anyway." (George) "That's not true. The game's tied for crying out loud. We win the half, we win the game."

(Another Team Mate) "I'm not supposed to say this, but Potterr offered me fifty cents to just go home and relax for the rest of the game." (Other Team Mates) "Yeah!" (George) "Fifty cents? Is that all it takes to corrupt you?" (Team Mate) "It is when he tries to suicide bomb your huddle!" (George) "And you know who that suicide bomber was? It was Ernie Bishopp, the cab driver. I have it on good authority that Potterr paid him fifty cents to deliver what Ernie thought were water bottles to our huddle. If he offered you fifty cents to go home, he probably has your house rigged to explode when you get home." (Team Mate) "Well, that could be, but then again, it's fifty cents."

to be continued...
Advanced Wordsmith
0 likes
continued...

(George) "I can't believe this. Are you forgetting what life is like in this town whenever Potterr beats us? Joe! Remember how Potterr had his goons spray paint what a loser you were on your garage door? And remember how he posted naked pictures of your wife on billboards all over town and worse, made sure everyone knew that the ugly bitch really was your wife? You, Ed! Remember how you broke your leg in last years' game? And remember how I let you sit out a couple of plays before pushing you out onto the field where you promptly broke your other leg? You think Potterr would have let you do that? He would have shoved you back onto the field on the very next play."

"We have to stick together on this. I'm tired of coming here every year and losing every year. This town needs this victory, if for no other reason, so people can cheer for a team without having to crawl to Potterr."

(Team Mate) "Potterr's paying us to stay home. Maybe you should pay us to play." (Other Team Mates) "Yeah!" (George) "You...you want me to pay you?" (Team Mate) "Why not?" (Other Team Mates) 'Yeah!" (George) "You've got this all wrong. This is a football game. You're acting like we keep a safe here. There's no money here. It's in Tom's house and Joe's house. It's in all our houses. That's where we keep our money...am I right?" (Team Mate) "Well, I've heard enough. I'm going home." (Another Team Mate) "Yeah, fifty cents is better than nothing." (George) "No! Wait!"

(George's wife Mary, while holding a wad of cash in her hand) "Hey everyone! How much do you need?" (George) "Hey, I've got some money here. I can pay you from this." (Everyone rushes over) (George) "Tom, how much would you play for?" (Tom) "I'll take two dollars and fifty cents." (George) "Oh come on Tom, Potterr was only going to pay you fifty cents." (Tom) "I'll take two dollars and fifty cents. Two dollars and fifty cents isn't going to break anyone." (Another Team Mate) "Yeah!" (George) "Tom, you've got to be reasonable here." (Tom) "I'm going home." (Everyone starts going with him) (George) "Okay, okay! Here's the deal. A dollar for everyone now and if we win the game, two dollars and fifty cents for everyone." (Tom after thinking about it for a few seconds) "Well, I'm in." (Other Team Mates after looking at each other) "Count us in too." (George) "Okay, now we're talking."

to be continued...
Advanced Wordsmith
0 likes
continued...

(Studio Host) "Some tense moments in the Bedford Falls locker room. One had to wonder from seeing that if there would even be a second half. Thankfully, it looks like George Baylee has gotten back control of the locker room in what should be an exciting second half. But before we get to that, here are the results of the earlier games... The Knife Wielders castrated the Serial Rapists, 34 to 10. The Wife Beaters were themselves beaten by the Wife Beater Beaters, 30 to 13. The Liberal Lefties and the Conservative Right Wingers fillerbustered each other into a scoreless tie. In the upset of the day, the Long Necked Geese used a suffocating defense to choke the life out of the Big Handed Stranglers, 12 to nothing and last, but certainly not least, the Chicken Fuckers cock a doodle doo'd the Fighting Roosters 63 to 3. The latter team, for some reason, not putting up a fight."

"That will do it for halftime. We'll return for the second half kickoff with our game announcers, Bud Foster and Rock O'Bronski, right after these messages."

to be continued...
Advanced Wordsmith
0 likes
continued...

Commercial: (We see an old man waiting on a female customer. She thanks him and he tells her to have a nice day before turning to the viewer)

(Old Man) "Hello, I'm old man Gower of Gower's Pharmacy. You wouldn't know it from looking at me, but I used to experience so much pain in my fingers and wrists, that performing a simple task like filling a prescription was virtually impossible. Why it was getting so bad, I couldn't even slap my delivery boys' ear bloody anymore. Then a friend told me about Phalangicure, the medicated lotion I rub on once in the morning and then once at night before I go to bed. In next to no time at all, the pain was completely gone."

"Filling prescriptions is no longer a problem, I'm slapping my delivery boys' ear bloody again. Heck, I'm even slapping his nose and lips bloody now. And if that wasn't enough, I'm even back to indulging in my most favorite activity of all. I tell you, I haven't jerked off like that since I was a horny, pimply faced teenager." (Another customer comes in and he waits on her as we hear an announcer speaking in voiceover)

(Announcer) "Phalangicure is not for everyone. Do not use Phalangicure if you have a heart condition, high blood pressure, suffer from masturbation guilt, or have sharp or jagged fingernails. Side effects include heavy breathing, profuse sweating, blistering of the fingers, chafing of the penis and if you're a female, getting groped by dirty old men who are no longer experiencing pain in their fingers and wrists."

(We see the customer leave as a delivery driver comes in with two packages) (Delivery Driver to Gower) "Here's your new supply of pharmaceuticals and...(He looks around to make sure no one is within ear shot)...your weekly porn films. You sure do watch a lot of them." (Gower after signing for the packages and turning to the viewers with a smile on his face) "And thanks to Phalangicure, I don't have to just watch them anymore." (Then he gives an exagerated wink)
Advanced Wordsmith
0 likes
continued...

Commercial: (We see an old man in a bar as he serves a customer a drink before turning to the viewers) (Old Man in an exagerated Italian accent) "Mama Mia! Are youah looking for a friendly bar with a friendly staff to spendah some goodah times? Then lookah no further thanah my place, Martini's Place. Every oneah get alongah here. No fights...Well, we hadah oneah once whenah Mr. Welch punch my good friend, Georgah Baylee inah the face. But I tellah my bartender, Nick, thatah Mr. Welch, he no come here no more. Right Nick?" (Nick) "Right Boss."

(Martini) "And besidesah being a friendly place, we also servah gretah drinks. We no servah no watered downah drinks here." (Customer) "Hey Nick! I'll have another please. And make it a double." (Nick) "No problem. Two milkshakes coming right up." (Martini to the viewers) "Seeah whatah I mean?"

(Martini) "And notah justah that, we also havah funah activities, likah for instance...Tuesday Nightah is a wetah tee shirt night. That'sah right. Every customer who comes inah onah Tuesday gets a free wetah tee shirt. Hey, I no understand. I justah know thatah whenever the bar acrossah the street has a wetah tee shirt night, I loosah my customers. What canah I say? You have to keep upah withah the times, I guess."

"So comah on downah and say hello. You'll be gladah you did." (Then he breaks out in a song) "Oh so lo mio! Oh so lo mio!"
Advanced Wordsmith
0 likes
continued...

Commercial: (We see a well to do neighborhood as we hear an announcer speak) (Announcer) "The American dream, owning your own home. But not everyone can afford to live in neighborhoods like this. People with little income are left out in the cold when it comes to owning their own home...until now." (We see a slum like neighborhood) "Welcome to Potterr's Field! Here, you will find homes that are priced just right for all you miserable, lazy, discontented rabble incapable of ever becoming part of a thrifty working class. People like Ernie Bishopp, who sits around on his brains all day, driving a cab." (We see Ernie with a sad look on his face) (Ernie) "I'm just happy to have a roof over my head. I'm not saying my house actually has a roof on it, I'm just saying, is all."

(Announcer) "Just listen to what other satisfied residents have to say." (We see a middle aged woman) (Woman) "I've been kicked out of so many places, my head was spinning. Of course that could have been from the drugs. Then I found this place. It's everything I have ever dreamed of...or maybe that's still the drugs." (Next we see a middle aged man) (Man) "I've been living in cardboard boxes in filthy urine and feces stained alleys all my life. Then a drug dealer told me about Potterr's Field. I paid a visit and fell in love with the place. How could I not? As soon as I set foot on the property, I thought to myself...This place looks and smells like home."

(Announcer) "Each Potterr's Field home comes with running water when it rains, wood burning walls and a community fire pit to do all your cooking and disinfecting. And since it's located in the middle of a dump site, garbage pick up is free. Just throw it out any door or window. No matter where it lands, it's in the right place. Bad credit? No problem! All you need to do is sign over anything you have of value including your immortal soul. So come on down and check us out at 666 Devil's Way. That's Potterr's Field. When shit's all you can afford.
Advanced Wordsmith
0 likes
continued..

Commercial: (We see an old man with wings attached to his shoulders)(Old Man to the viewers) "Hi! I'm Clarence Oddbody, Angel Second Class...Oops! Old habits die hard. I used to be an Angel Second Class. It just took me so long to earn my wings, I just got used to the idea that I would never be an Angel First Class. And I wasn't the only one. There were plenty of others. Once I did earn my wings, I thought to myself that there just had to be a better way. And that's when I invented my AS2 Angel Wings."

"Now instead of earning your wings, you can just buy them and become Angel First Class just like me. Trust me, you're going to want that, because the difference between first class and second class is significant." (He cups and hand to the side of his mouth like he's telling a secret) "You should see the porn they're watching up there. Here are some actual satisfied customers."

(We see an old woman) (Old Woman) "When my husband was on his death bed, his last words to me was..."At least now I won't have to listen to you nagging me all the time."..."He thought there was no way I was going to make it to Heaven and he was probably right. But now with these AS2 Angel Wings, I'll be able to fly straight in. And trust me, when I get there, he's going to wish he went to Hell instead."

(We next see a middle aged man) (Man) "I've been in and out of prison practically my whole life. Yeah, there was no way I was going to make it to Heaven, be it first or second class. But now with my AS2 Angel Wings plus my trusty AK47, just try and stop me from entering the pearly gates mother fuckers!"

(Clarence) "My AS2 Angel Wings are light weight, durable and look so real, no one, and I mean no one will know that they're not real. Satan, himself could get in. Just call the number on your screen and make sure you do it before you die. And if you order within the next ten minutes, we'll throw in a second pair of AS2 Angel Wings for free, so now you can pass one onto a friend. Who knows? Maybe the'll write you a note, saying..."Thanks for the wings."