A priest and a rabbi were sitting in adjacent seats on an airplane. After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, “Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?”
The rabbi responded, “Yes, that is still one of our laws.”
The priest then asked, “Have you ever eaten pork?”
“Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and ate a bacon sandwich.”
The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.
A while later the rabbi spoke up and asked, “Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?”
The priest replied, “Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith.”
The rabbi then asked him, “Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?”
The priest replied, “Yes, Rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke the pledge of my faith.”
The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent for several minutes.
Finally, the rabbi quietly observed, “Beats the shit out of a bacon sandwich doesn’t it?”
Satan appeared before a small town congregation.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.
Soon everyone was gone except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly.
Satan walked up to him and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."
An Irishman went to confession.
"Father", he confessed, "it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Nookie Green twice last month."
The priest told the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Marys."
Soon, another Irishman entered the confessional.
"Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I've been having sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the last two months."
This time the priest questioned, "Who is this Nookie Green?"
"A new woman in the neighborhood," the sinner replied.
"Very well", sighed the priest. "Go and say ten Hail Marys."
At mass the next morning as the priest was preparing to deliver the sermon a tall, voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redhead entered the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church were on her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest.
Her dress was green and very short and she was wearing matching, shiny emerald green shoes.
The priest and the altar boy gasped as she sat with her legs spread slightly apart ...just enough to reveal that she wasn't wearing any underwear.
The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, "Is that Nookie Green?"
The bug-eyed altar boy couldn't believe his ears, but managed to calmly reply, "No Father, I think it's just a reflection from her shoes."
Shameless ... I enjoy a good "joke" as much as the next guy, but the NOOKIE GREEN takes the cake since I have a special red head friend. lol!! Thanks for the good chuckles.
I laughed and then shared these. I am pretty sure I am well on my way to the road to hell, but I was before. You can prebook a seat now and everything. It's okay I'm pretty sure all my friends will be there too.
What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
Beat it. We’re closed
What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.
Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
He only comes once a year.
