So my husband and i have been together for 2 years now . I am a very sexual person and so is he. He says hes Dominate but he is scared that he will go to far sometimes, and i can also tell that he is holding back. How do i help him become more confident , and let him know every thing is fine? This has been my lifestyle ever since i lost my virginity a long time ago. I have always been submissive tho and i dont know how to help him out more with his dilemma.
ANY advice is appreciated.
Have a threesome with your bff and start on her
Why not sit together and you can explain to him how you feel, you can say that you feel he is holding back, but you want him to take this a step further . Knowing how you feel will have a huge effect on him, so open up more about what you both require, chat about it over a cup of tea, and insist that a coded word you chose if said brings the whole event to a end , Hopefully you will have a wonderful time in trying this out xx
Your husband really cares for you, and that's what holding him back. I'm guessing that he probably has the mental image that BDSM is all about pain and such, and you have to let him know that it's not so. Start by letting him know that you really appreciate his care and love, but you also want this. Let him know that he has your consent. To enforce this further, sit together and decide on a safe-word. This way, you can let him know when he goes too far. This should instill some confidence in him. Furthermore, sit and discuss what kinks/fetishes you both are into. The more you both discuss, the more comfortable he will get. Communication is the key. Good luck.
Being a Master/Dom myself, I'm going to agree with @KnightMist. With my slave, who I love and care for deeply, I tend to hold back a lot more than I do when I Dom/Top someone I'm not in a loving relationship with. Now don't get me wrong, I don't Dom anyone I don't know and care about, but with my little slave, I am always more afraid of going too far and tend not to push it as hard. There are a few things that go into this feeling (health concerns being one), but she is always wanting me to go further than I am comfortable with. We have talked about it many times, but I still can't get over the feeling that I am pushing too hard at times, and that holds me back. With others, we agree before play on what we will do, and I have no problem going harder on them if they want. I've worked on this in my own mind a lot, yet still have that point where I hold back. Good luck to you both, and hopefully you have better luck getting there than I have had.
Being afraid of hurting someone can be a powerful motivator. Your husband obviously cares about you a great deal, and that can instill that very fear. With that in mind, it is possible to get past it. I suggest starting with small things. He may well be very dominant, but concerned about his own strength, or lack of control regarding that strength.
It is worth thinking about the possibility that he is concerned about his ability to hold back, and that is something to talk about before getting too intense. Assuming he is good there, just work up to the level of intensity you both want to be at right now. For example, if you wanted to get into flogging, start with a good spanking. If you wanted to get into breath play (BE CAREFUL), start with a hand against your throat that is not applying pressure. You get the idea, I'm sure. Also, always do research about your kinks, if there's ever a safety concern. You'll get there, and going gradually you'll do so with far less stress and confusion.
If he is worried about how well he can restrain himself, that just needs to be monitored carefully. In my experience, it's rarely an issue in a relationship where two (or more) people know each other sexually. Nevertheless, if he is concerned, just go slow. If there is an incident, talk about it, and depending on severity, maybe slow down or stop an activity for a while.
I hope that helps a little. It's a complex question, and I could go on ad infinitum, so I'm leaving it here.
I will agree with the previous posters. With my girl we use the traffic light analogy. When she is feeling that she can go harder, she gives me the "green light". When I am getting close to her limit, she gives me the "yellow light". And when she is at her limit in an activity she "red lights" me. As long as I have a green or yellow light, we continue. But at the red light, just as in driving, we stop. We find this system better than a safe word because a safeword is used when it's too late. This gives me an idea when I'm approaching that point.
"How are you doing?"
"Green, Master"
"How are you doing now, pet?"
"Yellow, Master"
"Red, Master! Red!"
