I am so confused right now. I was married for 28 years and he walked out on me. No notice or anything. That was 2 yrs ago. I met a man about 1 1/2 months later. he kept asking me out and of course i kept saying not interested. I finally gave in and went out. We both agreed that we were not looking for a relationship (which was fine with me.) we went out several times and things between us started heating up. We became more than friends and we both believe we fell in love with each other. Everything was fine until about 6 months ago. Now he wants to be just "friends" I really confused.
Why now? Did I do something wrong? I know our ages are so different that people have issues with it. But why now does he want to take things back to the beginning. He still tells me that he loves me.
Just so confused.
Perhaps he met someone else or his circumstances changed? Only he can tell you why his mind has changed so dramatically .
Sometimes love and passion take a relationship to a point where the brain never wanted to go to. When that happens, there comes a moment when that battle between "heart" and "brains" reaches a decision, and it's not always the heart that wins. Perhaps that's what happened to him.
A little kindness can be so valuable, yet costs almost nothing
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Hey... pssst.... that's an l (as in luscious) at the end of my name, not an i The kind, trusting part of me says essentially what patokl said--that perhaps he is, subjectively, still in love, but objectively, cannot tolerate that love.
The clinical, naturally suspect part of me says that he met someone, or was already with someone, at some level, when he met you. You were his unwitting litmus test. If he's totally ghosted, think "married". Not that he couldn't have been being genuine when he told you that he loved you--it's just that those are easy words to dangle from your lips when you're in the heady throes of lust and excitement.
Whatever the case, straighten your skirt, brush yourself off, and move forward. You did nothing to deserve this treatment. You are not responsible for his feelings or lack thereof, period, full stop.
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I am sorry.
The unfortunate truth is only he can tell you. It is likely to be a mutually painful discussion.
There are so many reasons that could exist. In my life, one lover broke off after she had an affair with a richer and more successful guy (at the time). One left because after being in a relationship with me, she decided she preferred women (ego crusher - "I was so horrible I turned her off all men," according to my college friends). One wanted to be only fuck buddies when I wanted love. One wanted to change me and realized I would never be converted to her ideal. One broke up with me because we were going different directions at that stage of our life. I can go on, but the point is that there can be reasons about you, about him, or about something else. It is hard to know without asking. None of here can answer.
I would encourage you to be true to yourself, be happy with yourself, don't seek completion through others, and continue to seek love. Don't give up.
I want to to thank everyone for the advice. We did talk and both decided that we both have relationship issues. He with 3 divorces and me with my one divorce. we both did agree that we allowed the relationship to change on its on but we both really like the "friends" relationship. Don't get me wrong the sex is out of this world. I know that he is afraid of getting hurt again and he doesn't want to hurt me. and Vice versa. So we are just "friends" but agree that we won't date any one else but each other. we know we love each other but we know that what we have can only be in distant that we will never touch or catch.
I don't want to look for anyone else I know where my heart lies and I am okay with just waiting. They say those who wait will win at the end. So I wait.
Thanks again.
Sweetmmouse
I am glad that you two discussed this and found peace. If you are happy and content, that is progress. Best wishes to you
Had it occurred to you that he might be a secret agent mer-man from the lost (as far as we're led to believe) civilization of Atlantis, and that seducing you was part of his classified mer-mission to gather intelligence on the "dry people," but you had gotten too close to revealing his true identity which would necessitate an assassination/suicide, so to spare your life, instead of terminating you, he told you he wanted to just be friends?
Post-avant-retro-demelodicized-electro-yodel-core is my jam.
Since your re-meeting and agreeing a friends with benefits relationship rekindled has he become a lot more suggestive with things you do sexually together. If it has I would worry that he was just a player looking for those that will go just that little bit further with him, maybe give yourselfs another longer break this time clear both your heads and then see how it goes.
