Serious questions for serious Doms and Subs

Active Ink Slinger

0 likes 5 Feb 2017

PLEASE EXCUSE THE ACCIDENTAL DOUBLE POSTING. Respond (if you're inclined) to THIS ONE, not the other.

These are questions for real, true Doms and Subs, experienced in the BDSM community, NOT for tourists (as I freely admit I am). I am not interested in uninformed, drive-by opinions, I am very serious.

That said, a tiny bit of background: I am a bisexual bottom crossdresser, and I am sick and tired of people presuming I am a sub. As much as I know myself, I assure you 100%, I am in no way, shape or form submissive to anyone. I don't view wanting to suck cock as fundamentally different than licking pussy, both of which I enjoy immensely, The fact that I LIVE to be fucked in the ass is, for me, not a "submission", but an eager offering of myself, ultimately for my own gratification (as well as my partner's).

In my adventures, both straight and bi, I have occasionally encountered people of both sexes who have expressed a desire to be dominated to some extent (I've also encountered those who wanted to dominate ME, but have cut those relationships short, as I am zero comfortable being with anyone who even entertains a notion of me in that sense).

In conversation recently, I offhandedly stated that, although I would never be a sub, Maybe I could play at being a Dom, which brings me to my...

FIRST QUESTION: Cam you really "play at" being a Dom? It strikes me that you either are, (and have those desires firmly in place) or you aren't a Dom at a very basic level of your being (and being fairly ignorant about BDSM, who knows - maybe I am - I do like being able to tell people what to do, but I'm sure there's much more to it than that).

QUESTION TWO: How do you stick a toe in the water to find out? I understand that being a Dom is taking full responsibility for the sub's experience, and that the sub is ultimately in control.The Dom has many choices to make, the sub only one, but it is the fundamental control choice: Yes ore No. From what I've seen, playing around with this and making mistakes as a Dom could destroy potentially good relationships if your sub's confidence in you crumbles. It seems potentially very "dangerous" to haphazardly go about tesrting the waters here. Any suggestions?

QUESTION THREE: Would anybody take a bisexual bottom crossdressing Dom seriously? In porn, I have seen it on rare occasions, so I presume that IF I wanted to try this, my prospects for partners of either sex would be more limited than a fully hetero male. It seems like what we have in the bi/gay community "topping from the bottom", which is my own proclivity. I'm only asking at all because, If I want it, I do have the opportunity to try this on a recent playmate, who doesn't seem to be a very experienced sub (so he really doesn't know what I should do - except for him), but the fact that he's been in it at all is daunting to me - it would be so easy for me to fuck it up. So far it's just been stern verbal orders like "Get over here and fuck my ass", but I know there's a hell of a lot more to it than that.

QUESTION FOUR:Possibly the most important: Can one be a "psychological" (rather than physical) Dom only? In other words, I don't want to hit anybody or cause any real pain - I could give light, playful lashes, or spankings (that don't turn the ass bright red), but I'm not punching out anybody, even if they want it. I would have no problem tying somebody up or putting them in any kind of restraint short of an Iron Maiden. Is that enough for anybody in this lifestyle?

Any advice from REAL AND TRUE Doms and Subs here?

Guest

Lurker

0 likes 5 Feb 2017

To try to answer all the questions at once: I think all things are possible, with the right partner, or partners. There should be some patience and tolerance involved. Few things go perfectly the first time around. Mistakes may occur in how the play unfolds. I think that is to be expected. But, with some genuine affection, perhaps even love, the path that thrills both ( or all) can be found. Again and again. For me, anyway, I find that who is sub or who is dom - or who is taking and who is giving - can change from moment to moment. Talk to each other - communicate in every way as you play. Let him or her know, a good partner will provide exactly what you want. There is no absolutely correct formula, but real affection can lead to utter bliss, for all. And don't shy away from talking about it all, after. To make it even better, the next time!

kinky_girl

Princess Popsicle

0 likes 5 Feb 2017

Okay, I'm going to try to answer these to the best of my ability, based on my experience.

Yes, you can 'play at' being a Dom (although I doubt forever). If you have those urges, go test them out and if you find it's not for you then that's that solved. If you enjoy it and want to continue, then you have started the journey into discovering your dominant side. It's the same as desiring/ learning anything. You need to have a go first! Nobody can tell you whether you are or are not a Dom, it's a decision you will need to reach. I think it's important to have suitable experience before you rule it out.

When I first ventured into this lifestyle, I found many 'Doms' who wanted to use me for their own gain. After a while I found a Dom who was willing to teach me, help me and didn't put himself first. My advice would be to find someone with a little experience to help guide you. They don't have to be a sub and they don't have to be a lover. There are plenty of websites, go join one and make friends with a Dom who is willing to mentor you. Go to a local munch and meet other people in the same boat (we were all new once remember!) who you can always rely on for help.

It's not really a question of being taken seriously. There is someone for everyone. The world of kink is wonderful that way. People have Daddies who are younger than them and subs who are bratty beyond belief. Married couples have open relationships and the wife takes a Dom who isn't her husband. Anything is possible. You just have to find the right combination of participants and kinks.

As for your last question, yes, I absolutely believe so. Not all Doms are sadists and not all subs are masochists. For every Dom that doesn't want to beat their partner, there's a sub who would rather be deprived, degraded or denied. Being a Dom is about being in control, taking what you want and giving what they need. There are no hard and fast rules other than safe, sane and consensual. You can be whatever kind of a Dom makes you happiest and hardest as long as your sub is agreeable.

The BDSM police aren't going to knock on your door if you do it 'wrong' so just take your time, enjoy the learning curve and have an adventure.

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