https://modemworld.me/ds-essays/finding-space-part-1-subspace/
My Mistress is a good and caring one, and she was concerned about my self care. For that reason she assigned me some homework to make sure that I was taking proper care of myself. In particular I was told to investigate sub space and make sure that in the aftermath of our sessions I was in a safe place. This speaks well of her, and is part of the real love that binds us together
I am not really part of the BDSM community per se, I am living in two relationships, a vanilla one with my husband, and a deeply submissive one with my Mistress. I have a very challenging and successful career that requires a very very finely tuned expression of myself and as a result many of the stresses that I develop require release and the more extreme stresses are best released in more extreme ways. Due to my own nature, profession, and background, pain and I are on life long good terms, so it doesn't bother me the way it seems to bother those that don't live with it in their daily lives. Pain is a bit like tax, not my favorite part, but expected to be somewhere in the transaction for everything worth having.
So doing my reading on Sub Space, I read about the trance like euphoria (check), the dimming of awareness (ummmm, no, kind of really really paying attention), and the dumbing down, the loss of intellect (what the ACTUAL FUCK?).
Lets cover a couple of fundamental assumptions that are the bedrock of my Mistress and my relationship
1-We love each other
2-We respect each other as human beings
3-We are not ashamed of what we want
4-What brings joy is an act of love, however it may look to outsiders
5-We care about all of each others needs
So I am a needy, needy person with my Mistress. I know I need her in ways that make addiction look like kiddie pool with water wings next to shark week. She has a matching need to be needed. Both of us are really careful to make sure we are not intruding into other areas of each others lives or impacting other important relationships. As madly obessive as we are, we so far are colouring inside the lines and actually strengthening each others standing relationships by allowing us to love the people we are with for what they mean to us, without the resentment about the needs they cannot meet.
I am 90% submissive with my Mistress. 10% Dominant when she hungers to see my beast offleash. I am probably more brutal than she is when dominant as my beast is new to sex as an outlet, which is why outside of the deep trust between my Mistress and myself I could never, ever trust that aspect of myself in any sexual setting. Its good at violence, but the giving of pleasure rather than the shattering of bodies is very new for that aspect of myself, and one I will only explore with my Mistress.
As a submissive I am about 60% focused on service to my Mistress. I mean doing things for her in any way gives me pleasure, whether it is massaging her or doing her dishes, serving her in any capacity makes me hot.
40% of my focus as a submissive with my Mistress is pretty demanding, requiring her to show her mastery of my through "taking" me (we use safe words, but for both of us the idea I am taken without consent being asked is part of the deep sensuality of the act), by humiliating, degrading or physically abusing me.
OK, now here is the thing, physical abuse must cause pain to illicit pleasure for me. If you simulate whipping me, I will simulate giving a damn. That being said, to feel a sting when you move in your clothes the next day is to be reminded of a night of passion and wild sexual abandon, that is a positive. To be damaged, hurt, less able to function in any way the next day means you actually were abused. That is wrong.
When we play, and my Mistress is humiliating and abusing me, I do feel a euphoria, a transcendent ecstasy. I am not growing less aware of what is going on around me or with my body, I am hyperaware of what is going on. I am choosing to be helpless, choosing to be broken by my Mistress, choosing to let her tear me down and make me beg her for further degradation. I face each choice fully aware of what it means. This is the GLORY of our relationship. Once collared I am not a mindless bimbo, I am her submissive bitch, and my limits are way, way out there with her. Each new act of punishment, humiliation, and degradation is fully understood by both of us. I am not helpless and carried away by the moment. I am choosing at ever turn to put my neck beneath her foot. I look up into her eyes and swallow as she pees in my mouth because I love her; because I need to submit that deeply and abjectly as much as she needs to see me begging on my knees, drinking her piss.
Both of our needs are being met. This is what respect and love look like. Giving to the one you love what they need most to feel valued, cherished, and accepted as they are.
Submitting does not require stupidity. 90% of sex is in the mind, and with any sort of fetish play, this is perhaps even more true. If you are someone who enters bimbo head space during your submission, then you need a really good dom, or you could get badly screwed up or hurt. I don't think its required or even enhances anything to let go your mind during sex. Let go your control, let shame, fear, pain become not things to be feared, but savoured. Let each new command thrill you as you decide to obey; let each new layer of helplessness be tested and despair fill you as you let your mind grasp how physically helpless you have let yourself be made. Why would you want to miss that by tuning out? If something passes from pain to "holy shit real damage" My safe word rolls off my lips and my dearest loving Mistress makes sure I am well, safe, and cared for. If I ever dont' feel 100% safe or OK with things, my word rolls off my lips and we slam to a halt.
The freedom my awareness gives my mistress is total. For I will speak my word at the slightest danger of real physical and mental harm; if she has not heard it, reguardless of how extreme our play is, she will drive further. We both need that, and only her trust I WILL NOT EVER let her harm me lets her be free to explore the darkest areas of both our desires. If I were to tune out when we played, she would only be able to take baby steps into the shadows, and check me afterwards to make sure I was really OK.
Sub space is not mindless, not for me. Sub space is ecstatic, orgasmic, liberating slavery. Subspace is where my Mistress chains run not simply to my neck but to my soul. Our minds are both alive, entwined and on fire. We experience every moment deeply, not dreaming through and missing half of it. Maybe I am doing it wrong and everyone else is right. Cool for them. We are happy with what we have, and will continue as we have begun.
Rookie Scribe
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