I am a submissive, but not very openly. I tend to keep it to my serious relationships. Well I've started seeing this new guy, who happens to be vanilla, or so i have gotten so far. How do I being up the topic of what I enjoy? How do I go about explaining to a vanilla guy how to give me what I want? Advice? Thank so much!
Just tell him nice and eas,y with a lot of specific examples you like!
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I agree. If you really think he is the guy for you then don't hang back. Just ask him to discipline you but be quite specific. Then make sure you give him afterwards whatever his fantasy might be. With any luck there will be a synergy. If not then better to find out now than just live in hope. Good luck.
How about suggesting that he take you to a strip club. That's not exactly where you want to get, I know but it lets him know that 'beyond vanilla' is more than ok. Once there you might indicate interest in one of the dancers who is wearing something suggesting dominance or submission. And know this, plenty of guys who we all think are vanilla, ain't. Just a thought.
I have always found that you are never more honest with anyone than when making love to them... (Writing that just now makes me realize that this may not be true of EVERYONE... It's true OF ME... You can axe!)
I'd suggest that, in the passion of the moment, you ASK or GUIDE your partner toward the thing you desire... (In the heat of the moment most people will do ALMOST ANYTHING.) The thing is, I know NOTHING about a BDSM lifestyle, so I'm not sure how that works if you are seriously specific in your desires...
That said...
I go from QUITE RIDICULOUSLY DOM to VERY SUB, (I'm a bloke) depending on the moment and the mood... My partners, (more or less always...) have been VERY COOL, (even amused/excited) by my kinks and fetishes, not all of which are played out every time we make love...
I have been asked to tie someone up, to blindfold them, to deliver a spank or two... That's FINE! (ASKED IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT, ONE CAN PUT ASIDE ONE'S OWN QUALMS...) Truthfully, I've always gone, "OH! Alright then... Ummm..." (Which probably isn't great in fairness...)
I'm SINGLE!!!
Everybody HAS kinks... EVERYBODY!!! (If it's something YOU TRULY DESIRE, then ASK FOR IT AT THE RIGHT TIME...) Or indeed, talk about it in the afterglow... "That was gorgeous, I was wishing you had XXXXXXXXXXXX as I came..."
You don't ASK you don't GET... (But ask NICELY... Most nice boys are scardey cats when you out-do them in what you need!!!)
xx SF
If its who you are be honest. If its something you merely want to do as "play" time again be honest. If he cant accept you for who and what you are then he is not the person for you.
You can just tell him. Or ask him how he feels about other non vanilla adventures. See if anything interest him. Wear a few chockers then see if he notices it when you wear a collar.
Brandie
