For me, I used to think I would, but once it happened...I tried to forgive but my pride would not let me let it go for a long time.
I have three famous stories, 2 recommended reads and have come in the top ten in two competitions~ Come in and make yourself at home.
I have very liberal views on my partner having sex with other women. If he can maintain me, his responsibilities, and prioritize our goals and happiness without any indication or inconvenience...I am all set. I do not need to know what he does outside from that and I make sure that he gets the same treatment.
I'm very liberal in the fact that I believe everyone is different, and that I wouldn't impose my beliefs or desires, especially sexually, on anyone else. What I might like, you may not and vice versa. So I mean this as no criticism at all, Trinity X, but I can not understand your views on this subject!!!!
As I said, I'm not saying they are wrong, and certainly not looking for an argument; but I don't get it.
For me, a partner is someone who is 'safe'. Someone I can trust and come back to and talk about all the crap I've gone through, or share all the good times. I want to be closer to that person than anyone else is, and therefore would be distraught if my partner slept with someone else.
For me, I can't separate emotional and physical togetherness, so I wouldn't just see it as my partner being with someone for a physical need, I'd see it as them also seeking out someone else emotionally also.
But even if it WAS just a physical thing, that would be them telling me that I wasn't enough for them; when I want to be MORE than enough!
So for me, I'd be beyond upset. Could I forgive? Well, I guess it depends on who did it and their reasons why...but I don't think I could.
I would prefer honesty; thats a key quality in a person for me. As for forgiveness, thats rather like a difficult question to answer. I think over time, assuming of course the partner was now loyal to our relationship, yes I think I could forgive.
My spouse is NOT my property. She is a person, just as I. If se chooses to try someone other, that is her prerogative. Should she tell me? I would prefer she did, but that is up to her.
Just DON'T bring an STD home.
It is difficult to respond.
When Mr Jaune and I were on and off for many times I the early part of our relationship cut a long story short. I was once at his place when the phone rang Mr Jaune seemed pretty excited and absorbed in the phone conversation. I heard things like "I don't have a webcam at the moment but I can take photos." then he was being all chummy on this phone call and the call lasted two hours.
He got off the phone and told me he was invited to go to a party interstate. I started to question innocently "Cool so who was on the phone?" he back tracked and said "Oh someone I play online games with". It was a gut instinct and I knew it was another woman. I did find an email he stupidly pasted on his desktop where she said she was arranging for him to get a job in her home town and she couldn't wait to met him and spending time with her "babe".
Anyway a few months later we had briefly split but were on speaking terms. He informed me he was going to go interstate and stay there with a "friend" but didn't know when he was coming back. I decided to email him telling him how I felt as I was still deeply in love with him. Well he was online chatting to my sister and telling her what great woman was with five kids from ages 2 to 16 and how she was a great fuck and this woman was a better fuck then me. But I was prettier blah blah. Stuck his dick in her the first night he got to her place.
That union only last 3 weeks and he came home with his tail between his legs. Telling me how the woman had a guy on the side. Though I no idea what happened the woman ended up calling his mother and telling her that she couldn't handle him especially as she had kids to look after.
In one way my situation he wasn't cheating on me as we briefly were not dating but remained friends when he physically got with her but flipping it around he was hooking up with her via the internet while we were fucking.
It took me a long time to forgive him especially when he started to wiggle his way back into my life. Ten years on and we are still together and it kills that he compared me to a woman who is 21 years my senior. I did see a photo of her and she was fugly. Life goes on.
Difficult one...
I've been on both sides of this one, been a CHEATER and indeed a CHEATEE... (Is THAT a word!!!)
With regard to THE SECOND part of the question, once YEARS AFTER A PARTNER AND I HAD BROKEN UP, I found out, (in the weirdest of circumstances...) that she HAD cheated on me! I had NO IDEA at the time!!! Know what? When I found out, DESPITE the fact I hadn't seen her IN YEARS, I was DEVASTATED, SO HURT!!!
The SELF LOATHING that comes with being OUTED by your partner as a CHEATER is still something that gives me Cold Chills to this day... Hurting someone else IS TRULY WORSE than being hurt yourself. (And I have had partners who I found out were/had cheated at the time. I forgave, we got over it for the most part...)
I haven't been in an EXCLUSIVE relationship for a few years now. If ever I am again, and I live in vain hope, (?), I would not cheat, nor would I be accepting of a lover who did.
xx SF
(Actually, I'll tell you what happened!!! I'm at an All Male college reunion thing and we're remembering one of the Guy's 21st Birthday Partys... We're all in our late 30s now... Now, as it happens, I remembered this party because I had become ill, (i used to suffer SERIOUS migraine headaches...) and I left my then GF at the party and went home... And, as we're sitting around remembering this party, ONE OF MY FRIENDS says, "Oh, fuck man, I remember I walked in on you and Susan fucking next morning!!! She was sat on top of you and rocking like a hobby horse... I got out of there so fast!!!" ALL OF MY OTHER FRIENDS SUDDENLY TENSE UP!!! I go, "I wasn't AT that party next morning..." Eventually all was revealed... My Missy had gone to bed with a friend of a friend of one of my friends... I was SHATTERED!!! And ALL MY FRIENDS had know this and NOBODY had ever told me!!!)
After having both my ex-husbands cheat on me, I do know the pain.
Husband #1 didn't tell me, I found out by finding the condoms in his jacket & the love letter in a book. I have forgiven him.
Husband #2 not only lied to me about fucking the whore... he got her pregnant. Obviously... I have not forgive him... but I have let it go.
Now, if my husband now did cheat on me, I'd want him to tell me right off. It wasn't the cheating that hurt... it was the lies and deception that were the source of my pain. The not telling me, the lying by omission, that's what truly hurts.
We are pretty open, so sex wouldn't be bad, but the lying would end it...
It really would depend if it was a one time thing or an affair. If it was an affair obviously, I would throw him out.
If it were just a one time thing, I might suggest that I have a fling too and then we could just forget it.
xo
I've thought about that a lot. Since I was the one the instigated (suggested) that she sleep with my best friend, I may of opened up the door. I can hardly blame her for ending up with him alone or someone else. I guess I am saying I/m prepared if it does happen.
I would be OK with my spouse having something extra-marital. I do not feel threatened by it, and I believe it may even enhance our relationship too. That is because we have a strong relationship at present, which allows for anything from flirtation on upwards.
As far as I know, she has not engaged in anything physical, but if she did, I'd certainly both forgive her, and of course want to know all the juicy details. No doubt the sex would be exciting, as it would be with someone different, so there is no reason to be concerned, in my opinion anyway, that she might develop a dependence.
If our relationship is to end, and another begins, so be it. Best to be always happy, and not hurt each other. That being said, we have been going strong for decades, and it remains satisfying. Even if it were to end, it has been a good run.
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than open one's mouth and remove all doubt" - Mark Twain (or Lincoln, or Confucius, or...)
totally depends on the situation. was this a drunken one night stand? a secret relationship? also, how long was our relationship? too many variables for me to be completely sure.
My ex was a military officer and had training on the east coast. She ran into her ex, she 'said' in an ice cream parlor. This is a woman that she measured me an prior girlfriends too. I know they had sex because she finally admitted it. Hurt and angry doesn't begin to come close. But, if she had been a nobody, one night stand (just a fuck) then I would not care
I have three famous stories, 2 recommended reads and have come in the top ten in two competitions~ Come in and make yourself at home.
Cheating is lying. It all depends on how one feels about liars. Liars have no morals.
The cheating part would be lying about it, either overtly or by omission, not the sex. I'm totally OK with him having sex with other women. I've even watched him do it, but I'd be mystified by him not telling me, as there's no reason for it. Our whole relationship is based on truthfulness and openness. I share all my flings with him, and I expect him to do the same with me. We'd have to have a long talk about why the dishonesty, but if there was a good reason, I'd definitely forgive him.
No. I'd rather slap them in the face !
In the world's harsh wear and tear many a very sincere attachment is slowly obliterated.
Είμαι ταξιδιώτης τόσο στο χρόνο όσο και στο διάστημα
I really can't say. :/ I'd rather not think about it.
I.... would... rather.... they did not tell me. Ignorance is bliss
I would want her to tell me - I'm not against 'sharing' if (and only if) it enhances our sex life... I enjoy the attention she receives from others (both men and women), and I am sure she is human and thinks of others when she and I are having alone time...
Wow. This hits home for me. A couple years ago I had an affair with my secretary that turned weird. She was asking if her husband could watch. That triggered a guilt response in me that made me want to confess to my wife. Probably not a great idea. But... I confessed. I still loved my wife dearly but I guess I should have gone to a priest for absolution. The result was she didn't get mad (bad sign) but she did get even. She went out a revenge fucked five guys. (Later I found out it was all at once not one at a time.) Anyway, after a year apart we realized a couple things. We still loved each other but we also liked the company of others occasionally. We went to a lifestyle therapist and are now remarried in an open relationship. We now communicate better and since there is nothing to hide the trust factor is much improved.
Would be better if he didnt tell me because once i find out it would be over. I dont put up with cheating.
I find many of these responses ILLUMINATING...
(I USED to be relatively cool with a pretty 'swinging' lifestyle, both for myself and my partner (s). (Not in EVERY instance, but certainly in a couple of QUITE SERIOUS relationships...) Looking back, I think it was very much OF ITS TIME, (in terms of how I/We lived then, and I don't regret it at all...)
HOWEVER...
That was about 10>20 years ago, and NOW, as I approach middle-middle age, I'm NOT SURE I need the drama! A recent possible long-term prospective lover mentioned that she had no problem with an open relationship and MY GUT REACTION was, "Oh no!" (In the end, we didn't pursue our thing...)
I TOTALLY agree with the DIFFERENCE between a partner's FLING, (romance,even...) and them LYING about it!!! (I could handle the FLING, NOT the lying about it!!!)
Nowadays I don't think I could be arsed! (I don't judge ANYONE else on how they live and love, indeed, If You Can Do That, GREAT!!!) BUT FOR ME, NOW, I'd like... Something simpler!
xx SF
every one puts to much into sex...you kan have it...but you cant...if married no...if single yes.....why...why not if you want it und it comes up just do it with out the guilt....I cant understand that line of thinking........married sign on back, says I only have sex with one person, und if they dont want it...im really screwed
