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lack of sex drive

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Lurker
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My wife and I have been together 10yrs. For the past 3yrs she has shown NO interest in sex. I'm lucky if we have sex once a month. We have tried numerous things from games, toys and even mfm, wife swap and gang bang. Nothing seems to work. She will tease me throughout the day and then not follow through. I love her but I'm tired of masturbating and I'm noticing myself lookin at other women more often. I've told my wife how I feel and I get nothing from her. What can I do?
Rookie Scribe
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What happens between the teasing and the not following through? Have you tried to ask her why there is no interest? Is she angry with you for some reason? How about your relationship in general? Usually something is not right there and the woman turns off her sexual side. Just my two cents worth. Good luck. Don't give up.
Advanced Wordsmith
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Holy shit you could be describing my partner. She has turned off everything for nearly a year. As you say teasing kisses during the day and cold as ice at night or morning or whenever we're alone. So you're not alone out there!!!
Lurker
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Honestly, chances are she isn't as physically interested in you to the same degree she once was (as almost inevitably happens over time).

Things which 'spice up the bedroom' are only useful when the desire to be in the bedroom together is still there for both people. Often one or both people will become comfortable in a marriage. Take a look at yourself first. Have you changed in the past ten years of marriage? Most people will have. It might not hurt to think back to when you felt you were most appealing to her. What's different? Would a bit of weight loss help the appeal?

There are likely other possibilities, but if she teases but doesn't follow through that to me says that the physical desire is not what it once was and she may feel like she's going through the motions, but not feeling the drive.

But ultimately you know your relationship and yourself better than anyone. Be honest with your appearance and appeal to her. She has to want you.
Chuckanator
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You can see a marriage councilor. I think most couples married for and extended time see a downturn in passion. I know from experience that the things outside the bedroom effect sexuality the greatest. Over familiarity and complacency are the enemies of passion. It happens with everything and everyone. Are you 'dating' her still? Find some new events that she might like. Do more around the house. Many women feel they are 'on duty' and quite frankly feel trapped in a rut. It is amazing what an ice cube or can of whipped cream can do. Try to move sex from a duty to the playground. Court her, surprise her, make her special. If you think it is her duty to have sex with you, then expect dutiful sex.
Active Ink Slinger
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No offence intended, but maybe try to figure out why her drive has gone?

Kids maybe? Maybe you need new moves? Stressed out? Worry (could be over anything in life, not necessarily sexual)? Maybe she's put weight on and isn't happy in her own skin?

I don't know you, and I'm not saying it is any of those things above, just possible examples of things that could cause lack of drive.

If you can work out why it's gone, you can start to fix the issue and it might come back.
Coming soon...
Common Sense Iconoclast
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Try googling "dual control model" to learn a bit more about current research on sexuality. I am certain you are not alone in having these issues, and there are probably things that can be done, and people that can help. Seek counselling, together. Best of luck.
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than open one's mouth and remove all doubt" - Mark Twain (or Lincoln, or Confucius, or...)
Active Ink Slinger
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If you can get her to her doctor. It may have a physical problem. Maybe her hormones are low. Maybe she has diabetes. Of course, a licensed marriage counselor is always a good idea.
The romantic bi guy.

Stay horny my friend.
Active Ink Slinger
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Any you accept this behavior?

Stop the all day flirting. She is enjoying your misery.

Tell her that your needs aren't being met. If she isn't willing to meet them, You still love her, but you are going to get them met elsewhere.

I promise you, the marriage counselor will make it your fault, or she will quit going. She will change, when she WANTS to change. It is the only reason ANYONE changes.

Sucks, but it's the truth.
Active Ink Slinger
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I've been married 35 years and for the past 15 been looking for something to increase my wife's libido or at least give her one.

She refuses to go to counseling so I went alone. I went back a year later and the counselor was surprised we were still married. I've focused my energy towards working out and writing.