I think it can. Obviously not always, but I wonder what the percentage is.
Do you have any thoughts on this?
I'm just curious.
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can submission and dominance stem from abuse sometimes?
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I'm sure that it's true in some cases. People who have been abused so badly during their youths that their whole system believes they are inferior, are likely to become either someone obsessively controlling every aspect in their life, or someone very fatalistic, docile and submissive. That must have an impact on how they see themselves as sexpartners.
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In many countries being gay is a crime, and even in modern societies, politicians try to legalise discrimination. Your voice can make a difference. Have a look at All Out to find out how.
Hey... pssst.... that's an l (as in luscious) at the end of my name, not an i
In many countries being gay is a crime, and even in modern societies, politicians try to legalise discrimination. Your voice can make a difference. Have a look at All Out to find out how.
Hey... pssst.... that's an l (as in luscious) at the end of my name, not an i
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Thank you both for your answers.
Patokl, that's really insightful.
Patokl, that's really insightful.
Princess Popsicle
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I think that you are probably right, like you said- not all instances but some.
As a child I was physically (note- NOT sexually) abused by my step father and he and my mother had a very violent relationship right up until her death. I was also bullied very badly at school. At the age of 12 I was basically plunged into the role of mother- cooking, cleaning etc. which deprived me of a childhood in a way. I self harmed horrendously between the ages of 15-17, genuinely believing the world would be a better place without me because that is what I thought by that point.
I am very glad it didn't work out for me because I'm now 25 and have been happily married to my Daddy Dom for just over a year. I am not an incapable woman, I am a nurse and am frequently in charge of the lives of 15 people, plus discharge planning, liasing with the wider team and dealing with emergency situations.
I don't submit to my husband because I feel like I am less worthy than him, that I can't control anything or because I am so used to being told what to do... I submit to him because I crave his guidance, love and protection, like any submissive does.
Maybe my past has influenced me and shaped me into the submissive woman that I am, but rather than that being as a result of negative feelings toward myself I feel that if anything I am just trying to find things that have been previously missing from my life. I do wonder if I identify as a little because my childhood was quite traumatic and I want to regain those missing years. But I don't know.
All I know is that I love him as a man, as my husband and as my Daddy Dom and I am happier now than I ever thought possible. That's all that matters to me
I am finally enjoying life!
As a child I was physically (note- NOT sexually) abused by my step father and he and my mother had a very violent relationship right up until her death. I was also bullied very badly at school. At the age of 12 I was basically plunged into the role of mother- cooking, cleaning etc. which deprived me of a childhood in a way. I self harmed horrendously between the ages of 15-17, genuinely believing the world would be a better place without me because that is what I thought by that point.
I am very glad it didn't work out for me because I'm now 25 and have been happily married to my Daddy Dom for just over a year. I am not an incapable woman, I am a nurse and am frequently in charge of the lives of 15 people, plus discharge planning, liasing with the wider team and dealing with emergency situations.
I don't submit to my husband because I feel like I am less worthy than him, that I can't control anything or because I am so used to being told what to do... I submit to him because I crave his guidance, love and protection, like any submissive does.
Maybe my past has influenced me and shaped me into the submissive woman that I am, but rather than that being as a result of negative feelings toward myself I feel that if anything I am just trying to find things that have been previously missing from my life. I do wonder if I identify as a little because my childhood was quite traumatic and I want to regain those missing years. But I don't know.
All I know is that I love him as a man, as my husband and as my Daddy Dom and I am happier now than I ever thought possible. That's all that matters to me
I am finally enjoying life!If you like first time, bisexual or teen then please read this and help make it famous!
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Quote by kinky_girl
I think that you are probably right, like you said- not all instances but some.
As a child I was physically (note- NOT sexually) abused by my step father and he and my mother had a very violent relationship right up until her death. I was also bullied very badly at school. At the age of 12 I was basically plunged into the role of mother- cooking, cleaning etc. which deprived me of a childhood in a way. I tried to commit suicide three times between the ages of 15-17, genuinely believing the world would be a better place without me because that is what I thought by that point.
I am very glad it didn't work out for me because I'm now 25 and have been happily married to my Daddy Dom for just over a year. I am not an incapable woman, I am a nurse and am frequently in charge of the lives of 15 people, plus discharge planning, liasing with the wider team and dealing with emergency situations.
I don't submit to my husband because I feel like I am less worthy than him, that I can't control anything or because I am so used to being told what to do... I submit to him because I crave his guidance, love and protection, like any submissive does.
Maybe my past has influenced me and shaped me into the submissive woman that I am, but rather than that being as a result of negative feelings toward myself I feel that if anything I am just trying to find things that have been previously missing from my life. I do wonder if I identify as a little because my childhood was quite traumatic and I want to regain those missing years. But I don't know.
All I know is that I love him as a man, as my husband and as my Daddy Dom and I am happier now than I ever thought possible. That's all that matters to me
Aw, that's great. I'm happy for you.
I could explain why I am, and I have to close friends.
It's similar to yours but different.
Really horrible things have happened to me but nothing worse than my mother letting me down. (Including getting at knifepoint by two men)
She's still an evil, horrendous bitch who still tries to control me.
I think I'm stuck emotionally as a teen.
For the longest time I drank a lot, for a long time, to mask the pain.
I don't drink anymore.
Now I'm into other bad behaviors when dealing with rejection, pain, ect...
Things I was never into before.
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Quote by daddysweetheart
Aw, that's great. I'm happy for you.
I could explain why I am, and I have to close friends.
It's similar to yours but different.
Really horrible things have happened to me but nothing worse than my mother letting me down. (Including getting at knifepoint by two men)
She's still an evil, horrendous bitch who still tries to control me.
I think I'm stuck emotionally as a teen.
For the longest time I drank a lot, for a long time, to mask the pain.
I don't drink anymore.
Now I'm into other bad behaviors when dealing with rejection, pain, ect...
Things I was never into before.
Thank you! I honestly never thought I would settle down because I didn't think I'd find anyone I trusted enough. And then about 8 weeks after I broke up with my ex fiancé (who is a whole story in himself) I found my husband and it just clicked.
I'm really sorry to hear what happened to you. I am however glad that you've managed to stop the drinking! It's a big step. I went through a phase of it myself and it's poisonous in the long run.
If you like first time, bisexual or teen then please read this and help make it famous!
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Quote by kinky_girl
Thank you! I honestly never thought I would settle down because I didn't think I'd find anyone I trusted enough. And then about 8 weeks after I broke up with my ex fiancé (who is a whole story in himself) I found my husband and it just clicked.
I'm really sorry to hear what happened to you. I am however glad that you've managed to stop the drinking! It's a big step. I went through a phase of it myself and it's poisonous in the long run.
Thank you, sweetie.
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Pain can bring a whole array of consequences
Very interesting question
Very interesting question
Princess D
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growing up my Mother was very strict...my Dad was a angel...Being a only child and having older parents , my mother did beat me alot...Being that said i always worked and married at 18...I have always worked 2 jobs even thou my ex was alot older than me and was rich...Being in the lifestyle as long as i have been ..I enjoy giving up control and submitting...That is my outlet having someone being in charge besides me...I also enjoy being in control somtimes ( hence) being a switch...so for me having 2 Master"s in real life...and now having one a line fits me perfect...I am blessed with being independent and have a great b/f and family....
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Quote by thesexynun
Pain can bring a whole array of consequences
Very interesting question
I'm a masochist. I'm so used to pain in different forms.
It can be comforting. But I have limits when it comes to my heart.
That kind I don't take well to at all.
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I diffidently think it does from my own childhood experiences.. So my answer is Yes...
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Can anyone else answer this?
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Quote by Barbielicious
I think it can. Obviously not always, but I wonder what the percentage is.
Do you have any thoughts on this?
I'm just curious.
I've had all sorts of discussions with people on their interests and where they might come from. Some feel it comes from being abused themselves. But it's not always a way of "acting out" - nor does it even reach back to childhood for some people.
For example: one person always had an interest in bondage and related elements, but when his partner (a female) in the past abused him, he became a dominant in the bedroom (only). That way he can still enjoy some elements of these things, but from a different vantage point. And of course he does not repeat the actions made against him, but tries to enjoy it in the way he should have been allowed to experience it.
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Quote by Metilda
I've had all sorts of discussions with people on their interests and where they might come from. Some feel it comes from being abused themselves. But it's not always a way of "acting out" - nor does it even reach back to childhood for some people.
For example: one person always had an interest in bondage and related elements, but when his partner (a female) in the past abused him, he became a dominant in the bedroom (only). That way he can still enjoy some elements of these things, but from a different vantage point. And of course he does not repeat the actions made against him, but tries to enjoy it in the way he should have been allowed to experience it.
I can see that. I know some Doms were hurt by someone they trusted and they can never let their guard down as well. That they are always dominant and must never show weakness.
Thanks for your input.
Internet Philosopher
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My sub and I share very similar demons. It's chillingly eerie in fact at how similar our life's experiences are. In her case, she craves to be loved and cared for, and to be able to shere her love openly and without fear of rejection or abandonment.
For Me, I need to be sure our life together won't be subject to the daily whims and changes of opinion I felt in my vanilla relationships. I need to be in charge without having to explain why, and although I'm open to discussing an issue, in the end, I need to be sure My decision will be final without an ongoing resistance to them.
We both want absolute honesty and an environment where any subject or desire can be raised without judgment or shame. So, although the abuse and life's tragedies we shared are very much alike, she reacted with a need to submit and be safe, while I need to know my will want won't be denied when I put my foot down. I suppose that, in a way, what we both crave is knowing where in our relationship we belong, and that those roles and responsibilities won't suddenly change without a significant reason for them to do so.
With that in mind, yeah, I think our life experiences and the pain we each have felt has steered our needs, both sexually and non sexually, but then I think that's probably true for those in vannilla lifestyles as well. We are the sum of our experiences, but how we react to them is still a matter of who we are.
For Me, I need to be sure our life together won't be subject to the daily whims and changes of opinion I felt in my vanilla relationships. I need to be in charge without having to explain why, and although I'm open to discussing an issue, in the end, I need to be sure My decision will be final without an ongoing resistance to them.
We both want absolute honesty and an environment where any subject or desire can be raised without judgment or shame. So, although the abuse and life's tragedies we shared are very much alike, she reacted with a need to submit and be safe, while I need to know my will want won't be denied when I put my foot down. I suppose that, in a way, what we both crave is knowing where in our relationship we belong, and that those roles and responsibilities won't suddenly change without a significant reason for them to do so.
With that in mind, yeah, I think our life experiences and the pain we each have felt has steered our needs, both sexually and non sexually, but then I think that's probably true for those in vannilla lifestyles as well. We are the sum of our experiences, but how we react to them is still a matter of who we are.
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Thank you, Milik. 
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The answer that I came to, is yes it can. For both sexes. That's my conclusion and I'll leave it at that. 
(This obviously does not apply to everyone in Bdsm though.)
(This obviously does not apply to everyone in Bdsm though.)
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I think there are a lot of possible answers, but, yes it can. I intensely dislike abuse. Of all kinds. Particularly if involving children. And there are/were many kinds. You ask about percentage. I think that depends on your definition of abuse. Todays generation would view the physical punishment of mine as pandemic. Incest is commoner than most believe, but is it abuse if just between consenting adults? Mental cruelty is commoner than many perceive, if you include unsolicited domination. See what I mean? A really good question from you. I have friends who enjoy BDSM, and they all differ in taste.
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Quote by patokl
I'm sure that it's true in some cases. People who have been abused so badly during their youths that their whole system believes they are inferior, are likely to become either someone obsessively controlling every aspect in their life, or someone very fatalistic, docile and submissive. That must have an impact on how they see themselves as sexpartners.
This, my friend.
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Quote by MostPreciousLittle
I think it can. Obviously not always, but I wonder what the percentage is.
Do you have any thoughts on this?
I'm just curious.
That was my initial thought until I asked a professional friend. Years ago, I was with a very strong minded female, very much in control, and very dominant. In bed however, she always asked me to be verbally abusive and to pretend that I was her. She even wanted to be slapped on many occasions.
Half way through, she'd tell me that I was hurting her. Obviously, I would stop and become gentle.
My psychologist friend told me that she wanted to experience submissiveness because she was totally opposite to that. She wanted to be verbally abused by me, knowing full well that I would never hurt or abuse her in reality.
So in essence, some women who are always in control, just wan to experience losing control. Conversely, all the real life submissive women wanted to fantasise about being in control and fantasise about being dominant....