You know - no big deal to me, at all. . . seriously. I get myself off.
I always have. I always will. I have never looked to my husband as being some "keeper and sole deliverer of my orgasms."
But now that my husband knows that I DO he's always picking fights (for other reasons) and this is the one thing he brings up every time. He thinks its embarrassing or hurts my feelings, I guess. It's just annoying that he thinks it's going to cleave us apart. You know - I've never heard of a marriage ending over masturbation but this might be one that does.
Tough Shit, Asshole.
When we married he TOLD ME that he told his therapist about my high sex drive - he was proud that he finally found a woman who loved sex as much as I do. Well guess what? It's 12 years later and I love sex just as much . . . and apparently he doesn't like what that TRULY means. Now, because he's older and on meds and can't have sex as often, he wants my sex drive to whiter away. Fuck that. Whatever - I've got it. I'm not MISSING out on anything because we have less sex! Why is that a BAD thing to him?
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I'm not really asking for advice - just venting to a room full of people who might understand what I'm going through on this type of thing.
Maybe it stems from you not needing him, rather than you not wanting him. My suggestion would be to ask him if he'd be willing to thrust a dildo for you or finger you.
So... he doesn't masturbate? *snorts* yeah, right. *hugs* totally get it. EVERYone masturbates. even animals. it's natural and it's nessecary, and it's fun.
You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
So because he has trouble getting it up, and does't want sex as often, he doesn't want you to get any, even from yourself?
What a selfish prick. The next time he brings it up, tell him he has three options:
1. He gives you an orgasm every day.
2. You give yourself an orgasm every day.
3. You find another man to give you an orgasm every day.
Then ask him...which would you prefer? You, me or someone else? Because I'm not going to go without just because your sex drive is lower than mine.
That should shock him enough to shut him up.
I hope it gets better for you. Way to go for taking care of yourself
Let's take it from another perspective: He's on medication. Maybe that's harming his sex drive, which is making him bitter and not want to have sex or masturbate so maybe you should tell him to get his medication looked at. Get him to talk to his doctor because it sounds to me that the medication is partly the problem. Then once he's spoken to his doctor, you guessed it, speak to him about it. Even if he starts arguing and raising his voice, keep calm, say your piece and let him either stew or say his, then try to find a solution. Marriage is "for better, for worse, in sickness and in health", just saying.
There is nothing wrong with getting yourself off. Everyone should, without feeling any shame, and without judging others that choose to for themselves.
I think he is being selfish, and not understanding that levels of arousal for a couple can often vary and be totally different, due to meds or other perfectly natural reasons.
I assume he has no reason to be concerned that you are cheating, so in a sense he should be relieved that your need has not driven you to that. He may still be be jealous. He may imagine you are thinking of other partner(s), and for some, "improper" thoughts are a crime.
It is probably worth seeking counselling. Best of luck.
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than open one's mouth and remove all doubt" - Mark Twain (or Lincoln, or Confucius, or...)
Growing older has it's share of problems. This one, not withstanding...
Seriously, I can see this and have seen it happen to many!
So many guys want a Hot wife who loves sex! So you were the woman of his dreams and he made the bed and you laid in it!
Now, he has to deal with issues of his inadequacy and lack of sexual abilities.
In some ways, I may be wrong in saying this but if he had a therapist before you got married, he was already questionable with regards to emotional stability.
So he is being child like and taking out his frustrations on you being the woman he wanted!
He is the one that needs to come to terms with his limitations and not put them on you.
If he was realistic, he could share in the intimacy with you, (If you were willing), and maybe you two could ignite something to overcome his lower libido!
A real man would be willing to help a wife get off and enjoy sex, even when he is not able to perform. That is intimacy!
It now depends on how much you are willing to work with him and how much he is willing to do to keep your relationship going!
Marriage is not 50/50! It is often more of a give than receive and most guys have a hard time realizing this, let alone doing it.
I hope things work out for you two and that there is a mutual resolution that can give you both the support, love and intimacy you once shared!
Kisses!
Steph
Make him eat you're pussy more often, that'll change his mind. In my opinion , he's being selfish..
This is a really tricky one Metilda, and I can really understand you anger and indignation. And am glad that you know you could vent safely here and be understood.
As the others say, this is really your husband's issue not yours; not only the meds (which another poster gave really good advice on), but his growing older, less healthy and being less sexually active as a result. It sounds like he's taking out his emotional frustration and perhaps fear of aging out on his younger and sexually vibrant wife.
His outbursts are not helpful. Stopping you from masturbating won't solve his problems and will only put further strain on your marriage. To be honest he needs to come to terms with what is happening in his own mind and body, rather than project it on to you. Only then can you start to move forward together.
Have you asked if he'd like to watch?
us guys are "visually" stimulated creatures
watching a woman "in her most intimate moment with herself" is about as stimulating as it gets
If my wife wanted to masturbate, I would welcome it......even buy her a black dildo or anything that would help her achieve her goal of orgasm.........and I would love to watch.....
I think your high sexdrive makes him insecure, especially now that he can't preform as well as he used to.
The thing he's doing wrong, is taking it out on you with anger.
Maybe you should confront him, be very open about it. Tell him that you masturbating doesn't effect your love for him. But him being angry does.
I have a high sexdrive myself and I also had girlfriends who took my masturbating as a personal failure. Luckely for me, women easiely speak about their emotion and feelings.
Wish you all the best with it!
The power of the pussy! Own it! That's exactly what you are doing and hats off to you. I think that it is wonderful that you are not letting his insecurities make you insecure about your sexuality. He ought to be thankful that you haven't turned to another lover to satisfy those needs.
He's just trying to control you because he's lost control over so much in his own life, and feels threatened by your sexual empowerment. He feels guilty for not being able to keep up his end of the sexual bargain in your marriage, and he's projecting the blame onto you, rather than accepting it himself. He seems very emotionally immature, (most men are!), as there is an obvious solution: he can participate in your masturbation, or go down on you more frequently. But he probably has a lack of drive/interest in sexual things because it reminds him of his own inadequacy, and quite simply, he's not the one getting the most pleasure out of the sex anymore, so he selfishly wants to deny it to you too. This situation isn't going to solve itself. As you stand your ground (which you absolutely must!), he will just feel less empowered and more frustrated, and his intimidation of you will just grow worse. This is completely his problem, not yours, and if the only way you can save your marriage is by kowtowing to his unreasonably selfish demands, then the marriage is not worth saving. Tell him to go back to his therapist, and get his mind right, or you won't be responsible for the consequences. Good luck and stay strong!
Why can't you do it together or to each other. What fun.
I hear your venting and wouldn't disagree with you for a second ! Fix the meds and work out other ways honey ! If he's still selfish then hes a fool ! But like I tell the wife baby you may be (here age) but my tongue will always be there with my cock and any damn toy that she loves having her smile and grin at me is way better then the tension and fighting I know your going through ! Honey we all have our low times but damn when you love someone it goes back to what my grandmother used to say , " there's more than one way to skin a cat or pussy in this matter" , so there have to be more options than three although a hard headed stubborn prick can be a real heartbreaker baby just chat with lushies to release all the built up tension baby ! Wish I was a close friend I'd flirt with your ass and try to make him see he's so wrong ! Send me a message if you'd like to vent more honey
Well he is being selfish just because he doenst want it as often should not deprive you of enjoying yourself.
Not sure what medications he's on, but a lot of the SSRIs (think Zoloft, Prozac, Lexapro, etc.) can lead to a reduced sex drive and even anorgasmia. This can lead to self-blame, which can be displaced onto one's sexual partner (in this case, you). He probably hasn't told his therapist about the sexual side effects, or she hasn't asked, or both. So he's bitter that you can satisfy yourself any time you want, and no matter how hard he tries, he can't.
I would suggest, the next time he throws the masturbation thing at you, that he talk to his therapist. You have every damn right in the world to satisfy yourself, M.
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