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decreasing sex drive

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My husband is 51 and over the past couple of years his sex drive has diminished. He has no problem in achieving or maintaining an erection. He won't speak about it or see his GP and I've tried everything to get the spark back. I keep myself looking as good as I can for him and don't pressurise him into sex but it's frustrating and knocks my confidence everytime he refuses sex. Is this normal for men his age?
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I'm not so sure that it is normal, just due to age. There can be a myriad of reasons for what appears to be a decrease in sex drive; work pressures, self-confidence, his own appearance, money issues, feeling your sexual relations are in a rut and boring, etc. I am not saying that any of these apply in your case, but a decrease in sex drive is always due to a less than obvious cause, particularly if the man is unwilling to discuss it with his life partner, a friend or even a medical professional. I don't have any magic pill or solution, but I thought you needed someone to respond to your cry for help. It must be very frustrating for you and I hope you can work through this issue to, at the very least understand what is going on with him, but ideally to resurrect what had been an enjoyable sex life that was apparently very satisfying to you. Hopefully, someone on here, more qualified than I, can help you with this very real problem.
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I've asked him outright if he feels our sex life is in a rut or if he no longer finds me sexually attractive but he said no to both, it's soul destroying when your spouse spurns your advances, when we do have sex it feels like he is only doing it to please me . The unwillingness to discuss and talk things through is worrying.
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I have suffered from the same problem as your husband over the years. Certainly aging plays a part, but the causes are by no means simple. Loss of self esteem is often significant, so work problems, sub-acute depression, grief, or just the feeling that one is no longer attractive can be important. Even something as simple as one's children leaving home can have unforeseen consequences. In my case, the catastrophic ending of an affair with a coworker sent my libido plummeting. I have found that a period of physical separation from my wife has had the opposite effect and on returning home from a period away I have always found that I am extremely horny.
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Perhaps an erotic vacation trip to someplace like Hedonism in Jamaica or a lifestyle resort in the states might remind him how much fun it can be. I've seen folks as old as 70 in these places so it will also provide some peer approval.
Chuckanator
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I feel for your situation. I am your husbands age and went through that a couple years ago. I talked with my doctor and had a blood test taken. It showed I had low testosterone. He prescribed a cream that I rubbed in once a day. Problem solved. For me that is. Ask your hubby to talk with his doctor.

Good luck
Advanced Wordsmith
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There can be one thing or many things that contribute to the problem. Stress, medical problems, medication, age, vanity, an unresolved underlying marital issues. In my case all of these. It amazed me how much emotional abuse I was subjected to by my Ex-wife and how demeaning it was. When she declared her affair and desire for a divorce, the spiral down and climb back up was worse than being in combat and fighting for my life (Don't worry karma got her back he left her). Keep trying if you love him, leave him if you don't, maybe that'll wake him up.
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due to the meds I have been on have been causing me that problom
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Quote by ChuckEPoo
I feel for your situation. I am your husbands age and went through that a couple years ago. I talked with my doctor and had a blood test taken. It showed I had low testosterone. He prescribed a cream that I rubbed in once a day. Problem solved. For me that is. Ask your hubby to talk with his doctor.

Good luck


I suspect Chuck's answer / reply is some sage advice. I'm getting ready to change doctors (Urologists) and a lagging interest is one reason I'm looking for a new doctor. My current doctor is just "too busy" to want to engage in much conversation. I'm going to want testosterone work up as well as other work done. However, your hubby may be depressed and not quite realize that too. Getting "older" is not easy. Good Luck and PLEASE remember you are NOT alone and neither is your hubby.
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Quote by ChuckEPoo
I feel for your situation. I am your husbands age and went through that a couple years ago. I talked with my doctor and had a blood test taken. It showed I had low testosterone. He prescribed a cream that I rubbed in once a day. Problem solved. For me that is. Ask your hubby to talk with his doctor.

Good luck


It isn't only low testosterone that can be a problem. I got my doctor to check me a few years ago, and my levels were okay, but he did discover that my vitamin D level was about 50% of what it should have been. This is because of the lack of sun in Manchester, which is cloudy for 70% of the time, but compounded by the latitude of the city, which means that We get less than 12 hours of daylight for half the year. I take a daily supplement to boist my level, which the occasional top up in sunnier climes.
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Quote by oohlala74
My husband is 51 and over the past couple of years his sex drive has diminished. He has no problem in achieving or maintaining an erection. He won't speak about it or see his GP and I've tried everything to get the spark back. I keep myself looking as good as I can for him and don't pressurise him into sex but it's frustrating and knocks my confidence everytime he refuses sex. Is this normal for men his age?



Hi dear,

I'm a 50 year old male. I lost interest in sex a few years ago. My wife became very frustrated, she felt that she wasn't attractive anymore, and felt that I didn't love her anymore.

The truth was that I found her very attractive and still loved her. 

Following my lack of interest, she stopped showing affection, and abandoned kissing and cuddling etc. I missed her closeness very much but she became almost bitter.

My wife is a rare gem in the sense that she encouraged me to watch porn, and allowed me to wear hear clothes in order to revive our sex life.

The bottom line is that I began to find sex a mundane chore. I loved sleeping with her naked, loved kissing, cuddling, licking and sucking etc. 
Whenever she stroked my erection, I immediately switched off.

I miss the closeness and intimacy that we once had in terms of non-sexual activity. She feels that everything has to be based around physical sexual intercourse.

I miss her sensual massage, I miss licking her fingers during hand feeding, and I miss her jovial banter.

I did seek medical advice. I was given counselling and medication. The erection is still good, especially considering my age, but I can't explain why I don't want to have physical intercourse anymore.

I now feel that non-sexual activity can be so rewarding. The lady who now gives me a regular massage (non-sexual) gives me such a warm feeling. Our female friends bake for us, their friendliness gives me a warm feeling too.

I now find mature conversation and the other activities to be more heart warming.

I still find my wife very attractive and I still love her very much but, unfortunately, she considers this not to be the case just because I have lost interest in taking her physically.

This is my personal situation. Whether this holds true for other men of my age I'm not sure, but would welcome other views too....

Regards....x
Advanced Wordsmith
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I too am 51 and the biggest problem I have is stress, it really side tracks my libido, but I think Chuck e poo my have a point there are any number of OTC testosterone boosters available. Just adding one may be enough to get things started (psychologically as well as physically), Good Luck!!
Active Ink Slinger
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Since I started taking presription testosterone my libido skyrocketed and I went from no drive to over drive. I actually could go at least four times a day now. I want sex all the time. Clearly it is a confidence builder from a psychological point of view as well. You can deal with your decreasing drive I just think it is important to regulate it and that is what Im trying to do right now
Active Ink Slinger
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Since I started taking presription testosterone my libido skyrocketed and I went from no drive to over drive. I actually could go at least four times a day now. I want sex all the time. Clearly it is a confidence builder from a psychological point of view as well. You can deal with your decreasing drive I just think it is important to regulate it and that is what Im trying to do right now
Active Ink Slinger
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Since I started taking presription testosterone my libido skyrocketed and I went from no drive to over drive. I actually could go at least four times a day now. I want sex all the time. Clearly it is a confidence builder from a psychological point of view as well. You can deal with your decreasing drive I just think it is important to regulate it and that is what Im trying to do right now
Active Ink Slinger
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Since I started taking presription testosterone my libido skyrocketed and I went from no drive to over drive. I actually could go at least four times a day now. I want sex all the time. Clearly it is a confidence builder from a psychological point of view as well. You can deal with your decreasing drive I just think it is important to regulate it and that is what Im trying to do right now
Active Ink Slinger
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Since I started taking presription testosterone my libido skyrocketed and I went from no drive to over drive. I actually could go at least four times a day now. I want sex all the time. Clearly it is a confidence builder from a psychological point of view as well. You can deal with your decreasing drive I just think it is important to regulate it and that is what Im trying to do right now
Active Ink Slinger
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I will be 78 in a week's time and I still have a keen sex drive ; unfortunately ED has become a problem , but Kamagra , Indian generic Viagra , overcomes that problem . A bigger problem is being married to a beautiful woman 54 , post menopause who has little interest in sex . I feel sorry for men 50yrs who are losing it ; between 50 and 60 I was at my best , could stay hard for a long time without cumming .
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My sexdrive is lower than lets say 10 yrs ago. But I guess it's all natural and ithas as an advantage that there no more unwanted erections lol
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yes from all the meds im on
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my sex drive is still ok it is my wifes that has gone