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Active Ink Slinger
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been stalked? Not just on FB, but in real life?

I am working on revising a story, and my FMC is being stalked. I've done some research on it, so I have a pretty clear idea of the progression of stalking behavior, and the psychology behind it, but I am interested in hearing people's experiences and stories, particularly for the emotional aspect of what it feels like to be stalked, the physical and psychological toll it takes on a victim, and how it affects day to day life.
Active Ink Slinger
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This post has been edited because it reflected original views that have been identified as "different" from those of the person who started this posting. It was implied in the response by the originator of this topic and at least one other person that my post was made in a hostile manner, being "over stated", counter productive to the original topic and otherwise unappreciated!

I made my point, hold true to my opinions and would be happy to debate any part of it.... but suggest we do it under a different or better yet, a new topic so as to not frustrate those who happen to be in disagreement here!


Thank you.
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Asking questions is part of how authors do research. Getting first hand accounts is what makes the writing more realistic. I guess some people don't understand that. If it bothers you so much, then don't respond. There is really no need to be so rude.
Common Sense Iconoclast
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No, never been stalked. At 45 you turn somewhat invisible. There is no reason to stalk me.

Should anyone ever be "stalked". Absolutely not! I can at least imagine the distress that would cause anyone being stalked. I cannot fathom why anyone would choose to stalk someone, unless they are emotionally immature and insecure, and probably in need of therapy.

Have I been accused of stalking? Sort of. I showed up one too many times within view of a slightly demented ex-gf, in a public setting (a popular donut shop). It was pure coincidence, but it elicited a text from her later that day, making her accusation. I made it very clear in my reply that I could not possibly stalk someone so mentally unstable. It was maybe not the right thing to say, but it served its purpose: the conversation stopped, and we have not talked since.

In fact, we were within eyesight once again. She decided to leave the area when she caught sight of me, even though there was no chance we would ever interact, and I had zero plans to walk up to her or talk with her. Simply put, she had already become a totally different person from the person I once liked (she found religion), so I had zero interest in connecting with her ever again. I only feel for her, in the sense that she needs some better direction in her life than it seems she is getting from her religious cult.
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than open one's mouth and remove all doubt" - Mark Twain (or Lincoln, or Confucius, or...)
Lurker
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Bad day, Weekender?

She's doing the right thing by asking for information when she doesn't know - and asking for personal experiences (to be shared in public or private) is wise to ensure realism is evident in the writing. Criminology and psychology resources are all good and highly interesting - but clinical at the same time. Everything is watered down and diminished a bit for research purposes.

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Audri - I had to do research of the same for a Psychological Thriller I'm writing (non-erotica) in which someone believes they're being stalked. And since I've had experience with it I knew how the victim's mindset unfolds and unravels. BUT - only from my POV on the subject.

It's actually hard to do research on this topic. MOST people won't want to talk about it. MOST people who have experienced it or done it don't want to discuss or admit it. Understandable, of course.

One helpful term search would be 'victimology' - the study of victims of criminal behaviors.

http://www.bjs.gov/index.cfm?ty=tp&tid=973 - Bureau of Justice has some stats and research papers.

1.4% of US citizens reported being stalked last they ran numbers - and over half were female. Sexual obsession accounts for a non-majorative percentage.

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I think what might be the harder thing isn't getting the victimology figure out (the thought processes and so on) - but figuring out the warning signs that might have been present but were ignored before the 'individual turned stalker'. By ignored I don't mean 'by the victim' but by the stalker - the police - coworkers, etc.

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One thing to note is that victim stats can be skewed by that person's awareness. Some might be stalked and have no clue. Others might not be stalked at all - and just think they are. Maybe strange events occurred nd they thought it was all connected.

Either way - to pull it off well it takes careful thought, character building, in both the mind of the stalker and victim.

One thing I know for sure is that the stereotypes of stalking aren't as prevalent as one would think. Like showing up unannounced at various places. This is only present in 25% of cases. Yet - it's the one thing that usually tips people off to the fact that they're being stalked. However, it could also just be marked off as coincidence.
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I have been a couple times where I got restraining orders.

Not fun. Also stalked over the phone.

One was my last lover.

I was stalked at my workplace long ago. He kept coming in. He made me feel uncomfortable. I told my boss, she had him banned from my workplace but he still came in.

I told my boss. It made me very uncomfy so I got a restraining order.

Then when it was expired he met me at my latest place of work.


I told my last lover not to call me, that I hated him, it didn't matter. He would leave me messages and some were very unkind. It was so annoying. He wasn't the brightest tool in the box, but if I tell you not to call me 1000 times, swear at you, insult you to make you see and you don't leave me alone, there will be a restraining order in your future. Some people just don't get it.

I changed my cell phone number. He used to leave a message on the landline answering machine once in a blue moon.

He finally got the point.


Nowadays, if your stalker lives in another county, the sheriff won't deliver it there. They used to.

Not only that, you might get one granted but if it's not served, what good does it do?

The person might not be home or answer the door. And you only have a couple weeks time frame for it to be served. ( for the record, you don't serve it yourself. Someone else has to do it, thankfully.)

Not to mention it costs you money.


I had nasty messages on my cell and landline. You don't want to save them. Luckily I didn't have to play them for the judge.

When I was there in court getting the last one, ( which is no fun, even on the right side of the law.) I don't want to be there. I also hate being picked for jury duty. That's another matter.

This one lady had gotten one mean message from someone. Maybe someone swearing at her. She tried to get a restraining order but was denied.

Um, it's no fun being stalked. Ever.


I'm sure others have had it worse. Restraining orders violated, ect..

Audri-happy to give my insight.




The emotions I felt were annoyance and anger. And scared and alarmed the first time. You truly don't know what peoples' intentions are.

And like, I was like wtf???

I'm really not that interesting. I swear.
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Quote by weekender
I guess I only have questions, the first is..... Really? Really?
you said you studied the topic, "research".... that you have "clear idea of the progression of the .... behavior". Yet, what? No books on the "experiences of victims, in your library?
you are expecting "victims" to openly discuss to you, in open forum, their emotional experience of such a "violation of self"....

So, I ask you.... Really? What benefit would this be to you? to others here?
I guess I'll just follow along and see what others have to say.... offer.... as I scratch my head in wonderment.

As you are so good at research, start with the idea, that to me.... it could only ranks right up there with , torture, of the killing of a special person, in someone's life. And as most here would agree, those are topics best left out of the World of Lush.
Thank you.



Whoa...really? Really? You don't see...read again...but first - open your mind.