i met a man online
i thought everything was going wonderfully with him
we were getting to know each other and played a few times.
Then all of a sudden, he is gone and i havent heard a word from him in months.
did he use me?
I'm not going to say he used you. But if it's been months since you heard from him then I wouldn't keep dwelling on it. It is possibly that something happened that caused him to leave.
A lot of guys will string a girl along, pretending to be more interested than they actually are, until one of two things happens.
1. They gave them what they wanted all along. Usually a cyber session.
2. You set a boundary with them and they don't like it.
Most men see women as something of a challenge they must conquer in some way. When you make it clear to them that you aren't that "easy" or they think they already have, they will either do the "slow fade" or disappear completely. Yes, it sounds as if he used you. Not a lot of guys have the balls to actually "break up" in person. When everything is done online, they don't even send an email to explain themselves. It's easier for them not to, so they don't bother. They don't see it as a real relationship, so they just disappear.
It might be that things were getting deeper than he wanted (or not deep enough, or quickly enough if he was pressing for real-life contact). It might be that he was just looking for a little online distraction during a rough patch with a wife or girlfriend and things cleared up so he went back to regular life. He might have gotten bored or he might have been chatting with multiple people at the same time and as one took off, others got left behind. It's impossible to say, but as dpw said - online stuff can be very transient - especially in the early stages of getting to know someone. I wouldn't take it personally at it.
Everyone has different motivations for getting to know people in cyberspace and yours didn't mesh with his. In an ideal world, he should have let you know before disappearing, so that you weren't left wondering 'what happened' but people don't often do this because it's so easy to disappear online and not look back.
Did you enjoy yourself? Did he promise you or even offer you anything other than what you received? If the answer is yes to the first question and no to the second, no one was being used. It was just two adults enjoying a moment. The moment is over. It doesn't have to mean more than it actually was.
First off all, she didn't say it was from this site. Though, it may be, hence her asking here, we could be wrong.
As many said, most people don't take online relationships seriously. They suck. They know how to play a good game, put up a kick ass front and pull the rug from under you when you least expect it.
(Yes, I'm talking with experience. On and off of this site)
The best you can do is let go. Move on, be it another online relationship, or something in person.
Best of luck.
On-Line relationships are limited by their very nature...
(Not always the worse for that...)
But it ISN'T the same as real life and you have to KNOW that from the outset.
I got BURNED here by someone who TOLD ME at the start that it was just a bit of fun...
My bad.
(And WE still talk and are close... Took a while... Nobody USES anyone, I hope... God, that would be awful!)
xx Steph
People are used by intent...the user is usually bitter and broken, only because the world has past them by. The best way to get around that (not perfect) is ask pertinent questions. If a person claims to be an astronaut, why aren't they in orbit. Nothing is fool proof, but usually along the way, the fool will self explode. People who use others have no soul.
Yes, I know the paper I wrote is outdated. But I guess you all conveniently missed the part of my post when I said
Since more and more people are dating online these days, it's safe to say it's probably happening more frequently than ever before.
Seriously people, I gave an opinion. That's it. Don't like it? Get over it.
I have felt this way myself: the conversation and sharing was going well when *poof* he's gone. I wondered what happened; even going to the extreme believing that something bad occurred. It is nice to have clear intent and boundaries from the start, but it doesn't usually go that way. I won't say he used you:I'll say you must have fulfilled his needs at the time and hopefully you enjoy the experience as well. He could have been lonely and needed a type of physical connection with another person. Be careful in the future, I had to learn this as well.
I love the great debate between dpw and Audri... It was very articulate and intelligent with two opposing sides. I was really enjoying it...dpw, you really crack me up in the forums. I have to say you won this debate hands down. Audri...you were doing well until you used the ``don`t like it, get over it defense`` it didn`t work and it cheapened your debate...
As for my opinion, because I do have one...I use everyone on this site and any others I frequent, just as I am used...until I meet an actual live person in the flesh, how do any of us actually know we are dealing with the very person someone claims to be...I therefore believe we are all used to some extent...
What you lost in being in an online relationship with this male (if in fact the person was a male) was any emotional value you put in as well as your time given to pursue the relationship.
Take it as a lesson learned, time to move on because your online `friend`has...
It could have been anything..he may have been married and his wife found out. Just move on and be aware that this can happen with online relationships. Go into them with eyes wide open and enjoy them for what they are. You can find true love online, I did, but here in general it is a lovely fantasy. I know it still hurts but move on and have fun.
" I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer"
Woody Allen