I've been working on a plot for a BDSM story (trying to be realistic) and one thing that strikes me as being highly realistic is a dom who hasn't quite figured everything out yet - and makes mistakes / issues.
However, when I ran it by a friend who lives as a Submissive, she criticized his lack of perfection and didn't like the idea. She used 50 Shades of Grey as an example of how a story is written about an imperfect dom - and Christian is an asshole for it, and there's nothing redeemable about him. Basically: she doesn't like the imperfect dom in her erotica.
But - to me it's real, and i bet you more doms are 'imperfect' rather than 'perfect' in real life. So I'm sticking with it.
Thoughts?
I'm fairly new in BDSM in my real life- only a few years. I did not care for the "Fifty Shades of Grey" take either, and I may have much the same feelings about it. I do not want to read erotica about an imperfect Dom either who is learning the ropes. It does not appeal to me. What appeals in a Dom, (especially if you are in that relationship) is someone who is "together" and someone who is not a jerk (for my tastes). Even without prior knowledge and in the process of learning, I found my partner to be remarkably skilled and adept at picking it up without the mistakes or awkwardness that might be a turn-off or unpleasant. It is not what this sub wants to see. I think we want to see someone who is capable and able, who is in control and in command of themselves, and that extends to stories for me as well.
I applaud your willingness to step into more unconventional and challenging areas ( as I have seen some other posts on a different topic by you regarding future writing ideas) and the desire for elements of realism. I DO appreciate that in what I read.
I say this, but there are ways around, and ways to make a more real, more human element and make it interesting. If this is what you are seeking to do, I hope you will be successful and have fun with it.
I would say it's less the plot, then how it's presented. Complex characters are ones I can care about, but if your story incorporates to much "tell" without enough "show" it becomes difficult to care about/be interested in the character. The 50 shades stories incorporate too many of these reader speed bumps. They make the story less interesting then it could be. If you compare ms. James style with say the beauty series by ms rice, you will see the difference a master storyteller brings.
But, mind you I'm of the write-because-I-have-story-to-tell camp. I write to release the characters from my head. I want to improve my craft so that I can present those stories better, but I'm not going to fashion my story to suit a reader. I write to suit me.
You might notice that the story I wrote for this competition (flat out) is completely different the. I normally write. You could say I should have written it differently, after all, it's not what most of my followers like. But it was what the story needed, and as such I'm happy with it; even if I sacrificed views/votes/comments.
I do get the point that erotica is meant to entice and excite - and the reality of sex sometimes will do the exact opposite. Considering that: perhaps, in order to tell this story, erotica (genre) just isn't the right place for it. Perhaps it would be'sex and sexuality' or even 'lit-fic'. Because it really is meant to explore how dom/sub affects a couple's marriage both in and out of the home. (The stress of family pressure, for example, when the woman's mother finds out that they have more than 'just a marriage' going on)
I could still keep it enticing and in the erotica genre - but that will take care and hard work to pull it off - and some elements would still need to go or get explored in a more convivial manner (or maybe that's the wrong way of saying it. A 'more conductive to my purpose' manner)
Regardless - this story idea came from what I did like about 50 Shades and other BDSM stories, but after doing loads of research I figured out the 'real VS fiction' issues and am shaping this story accordingly. Some scenes in 50 Shades were highly disturbing to me - and that's not what I want, here. I don't want that 'he's almost an abuser' flavor - I want 'a female has engaged in this new lifestyle and it's new / frightening but still exciting and meaningful'.
So as long as I make decisions that stick to what I'm going for I might still be able to pull it off within the erotica genre.
while i think that reading about an imperfect Dom might be a refreshing and interesting read, the issue i see with 50 shades are twofold. 1) the author really doesn't know her subject matter; bdsm. and 2) the relationship isn't just imperfect, it's abusive.
You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
I think it would be exciting to learn how and why he becomes a dom. I really don't know much about that lifestyle but would enjoy reading how he comes to the decision to become one. What was it that made him like to do this.
We could read all the things that brought him to this lifestyle. I think it would be very interesting and very entertaining. Maybe take us through some of his experiences. Maybe they aren't all that wonderful in the beginning until he learns and master it. Perhaps he finds a sub that helps him see it from their perspective or something like that.
xo
