In a sexless relationship? consider asexuality as a reason and explanation

Active Ink Slinger

0 likes 19 May 2014

Dear all, I think that anyone in a sexless relationship should google asexuality and spend 30 minutes researching the subject. I did this a week or so ago and it has explained much of the last 30+' years. The prognosis is not good and there are few solutions but at least I have a better understanding of why things are the way they are.

Thanks

Sam

Guest

Lurker

0 likes 19 May 2014

Thanks for the advice smile

Hizzy

Active Ink Slinger

0 likes 19 May 2014

I'll have a look at that thanks! Mine is not sexless, but may as well be! Around once a month and I always feel like I'm putting her out and 'making' her!

Sam127

Active Ink Slinger

0 likes 19 May 2014

That's ok. A lot of folks have helped me over the past month or so and I now know so much more about it. I wanted to encourage others who may be in a similar situation to investigate asexuality. It really does explain so much and I really think it should get a lot more exposure.

I think it would be so easy to cheat, divorce and clear off but that's certainly not my style. We live in a hyper sexed world, it's all around you and for people living with an asexual it's increasingly difficult I think to put sex to the back of your mind and lock it away. One might question then why am I here because surely this is one of the most sexual site around. Well the answer for me is simple. Visiting this site allows me to choose when to engage with sex by reading erotica when I want whereas in the real open world it hits you all the time, and increasingly so and it catches you off guard. Whilst this is a little challenging for the sexual partner with dare I say a normal sex drive which I must point out I am , it must be terrible for an asexual.

I guess, although I have no proof what so ever, that asexuals hide in the closet, much like homosexuals did many many years ago. I therefore feel so very saddened by the ordeal asexuals my have living in the world today.

We need to recognise that asexuality in a condition of mind and body that we should understand and support.

Thanks for reading

Sam

Unknown User

0 likes 22 May 2014

Hey Sweetie^

As I explained to you about my sister, I forgot to mention that she is a very haughty Asexual. Other Asexuals I have known, I do not know if they felt shame or any need for that or felt bad. They accepted and were very open and okay about admitting this and things, (Just as I have known "Pansexuals" who had no problem admitting and embraced). My sister may be other things! ^0^ She has noooo problem asserting her own ways or opinions. I can't speak for an Asexual person because I am clearly not. I cannot say my sister is hurting, but she sure likes to go around bragging how much better the world would be without men and things like that. I give her the mouth-slightly-agape-face as much as she looks at me like I am weird and seems shocked. Clearly we do not see things eye-to-eye in the sex department. She hates touch too. I LOVE it. For me, she forces herself to give hugs and kisses. I am thinking if a person has not ever been any other way, and this is how they are, if they have accepted themselves, it is really "nothing" to them or any big deal - they are not missing anything in their mind if they do not like. YOU, however ARE.

I think spouses to an Asexual, who seek to remain faithful, and who have a normal sexual drive, are the ones who need the support and help -not the Asexual! That isn't to say that the Asexual spouse might not become more aware or sensitive without being guilted. I do not know about sex therapists but I think someone who is a professional (and I do not mean a pink salon or whatever) marriage counseling or one on one, could probably help in dealing with feelings and maybe offer some good suggestions and tools for spouses who have to deal with such things. (?) If you found a good one, you respected and trusted.

Sexual Repression
Asexuality

ChateauGrand

Active Ink Slinger

0 likes 26 May 2014

Quote by Sam127

We need to recognise that asexuality in a condition of mind and body that we should understand and support.

Thanks for reading

Sam

Wow, okay, no, wrong. The way you talk about asexuality is as if it were a disease or mental disorder. It's not. It's a perfectly valid sexual orientation, just like heterosexuality, homosexuality, pansexuality, etc. Additionally, asexuality is not something someone can suddenly get. After all, people who are asexual can and do have sex - a sexless relationship doesn't mean they're asexual, it probably means they have very little sex drive, lack sexual interest in you, practise celibacy, or a plethora of other reasons. I apologise if I sound somewhat angry or offended, but it's only because a statement like this particular one is a bit offensive. There's nothing about asexuality that needs support, it isn't like we suddenly caught the sexual version of tuberculosis or anything. As the person above me stated, the people who do need support if they're in a relationship with someone who's asexual is the other partner, and even then, as I've stated, asexuals can and do have sex.

I do appreciate you wanting to spread awareness about asexuality and trying to find the time to understand us. As an asexual person myself, I know what it's like to be grossly misunderstood and I often don't talk about it to people because they think any range of things when they hear "asexual". So the need to spread awareness about us and generate more understanding is great! I just think you should be more careful about how you word things like this specific statement, though there were a few others that were slightly offensive in your posts as well. I do hope you can learn to understand us more, though, and I absolutely encourage anyone with any interest in the subject to look into reading about asexuality. Merci beaucoup for making this topic, your intentions are absolutely admirable even if it came off a little bit accusatory.

Guest

Lurker

0 likes 3 Jun 2014

Quote by Sam127

I guess, although I have no proof what so ever, that asexuals hide in the closet, much like homosexuals did many many years ago. I therefore feel so very saddened by the ordeal asexuals my have living in the world today.

We need to recognise that asexuality in a condition of mind and body that we should understand and support.

Guest

Lurker

0 likes 3 Jun 2014

Quote by ChateauGrand

Wow, okay, no, wrong. The way you talk about asexuality is as if it were a disease or mental disorder. It's not. It's a perfectly valid sexual orientation, just like heterosexuality, homosexuality, pansexuality, etc. Additionally, asexuality is not something someone can suddenly get. After all, people who are asexual can and do have sex - a sexless relationship doesn't mean they're asexual, it probably means they have very little sex drive, lack sexual interest in you, practise celibacy, or a plethora of other reasons. I apologise if I sound somewhat angry or offended, but it's only because a statement like this particular one is a bit offensive. There's nothing about asexuality that needs support, it isn't like we suddenly caught the sexual version of tuberculosis or anything. As the person above me stated, the people who do need support if they're in a relationship with someone who's asexual is the other partner, and even then, as I've stated, asexuals can and do have sex.

I do appreciate you wanting to spread awareness about asexuality and trying to find the time to understand us. As an asexual person myself, I know what it's like to be grossly misunderstood and I often don't talk about it to people because they think any range of things when they hear "asexual". So the need to spread awareness about us and generate more understanding is great! I just think you should be more careful about how you word things like this specific statement, though there were a few others that were slightly offensive in your posts as well. I do hope you can learn to understand us more, though, and I absolutely encourage anyone with any interest in the subject to look into reading about asexuality. Merci beaucoup for making this topic, your intentions are absolutely admirable even if it came off a little bit accusatory.

Agree with you Big Hugs