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its been so long

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Ok. Not going to bore everyone with a lot of back story.

My wife who I love with all my heart and would do anything to make happy has lost interest in sex.
Like haven't had sex in 3 years lost interest
No matter what I try or ask she says shes not in the mood.
When we argue about it she says she needs time to get in mood.... 3 yeahs later sad

Any ideas on how to snap her out of it

Thanks.
Active Ink Slinger
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huge hug nothing hurts as more as being turned down by your loved one

lived a long time with that

so first of all is she old enough to go through menopause or is in peri menopaus?

that can affect sexual drive for years

a visit to a doctor to see how her hormone levels will help

if she is ok in that area...is she depressed or on anti-pressants..a lot of those meds can affect sexual drive too

anything going on in the household or do you have young kids or money problems??etc family or job

ok so if you have ticked no to all those questions

ask her is it you??are you not helping around the house..did you do something

if she again answers no

it is time for a sex therapist

as I don't know the back story...or her age those are just my thoughts

here's hoping your find the right road to travel down

again been there....it hurt so I understand how you feel

good luck!!
" smile..it is the second best thing to do with your LIPS!"
Advanced Wordsmith
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I agree with the above response. Particularly the part about seeing a sex therapist. Exhaust all other avenues (which after 3 years, I am sure you have...) and present the idea of therapy to her. Be sure to express to her that you love her so immensely and miss being able to express it to her in that way. She may take a while to warm up to the idea, since people automatically think something is "wrong" with them if they need therapy. Hey, there's something all of us need therapy for, I think it's a great tool to get to know yourself better and work through underlying issues.

Good luck! smile
Active Ink Slinger
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I've been here only in the reverse and I went MANY more years without sex in my marriage than you so I know what I'm talking about. I understand the tug of war that occurs when you still love your partner but feel completely frustrated with the lack of intimacy, especially if it's one sided. Marriage is a give and take and there are TWO people in the relationship after all.

Unfortunately, I don't have any great advice to pass along that will fix all your problems. After YEARS of trying to desperately fix my own marriage, I finally came to the realization that I couldn't do it any more, be the only one that seemed to be fighting for our marriage and made the hard decision to end it and break up my family but that was only after having exhausted EVERY option I could think of including couple's and sex therapy.

At some point, you may have to ask yourself if this is as good as it will ever be with your wife, is it good enough? Once you ask that question, you will have to make some hard decisions. Hopefully your love will sustain things but my experience has taught me that sometimes love just isn't enough.

Good luck.
Active Ink Slinger
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It is so hard when the one you love is for whatever reason unable to fulfil your sexual needs. It happened to me after my wife had cancer and the drugs she had to take just killed her libido stone dead. Until then we had had a pretty good sex life, and it was hard for her to remember how good it had been, unable to rekindle any of that feeling. She knew it was pretty hard for me too, and for a while she did the mechanical stuff, but it was the emotion involved in making love to the one you love that was missing, and we soon became celibate. We talked to the doctors, tried different drug options, but nothing really changed.
Then one day, she asked me quite simply if I was going to stay, because she knew that the lack of sexual love had left a hole in our relationship. I didn't just give a glib response, we talked at length about it, and I re-affirmed my marriage vow commitment, until death us do part. Then she said that I should look for someone else to satisfy my physical needs. To be honest, I was entirely taken aback, but as we talked further, what she wanted me to do was to have the physical satisfaction and then come home to her. I didn't know if tis was possible.

I now have two relationships with what I suppose would be called fuckbuddies. They themselves are married women whose husbands have lost interest. In one case the husband is aware, in the other not so. My wife knows both of them, and the relationship works. Yes, its a bit unconventional, but she feels secure, and I have in some ways the best of both worlds.

So if you really can't work through the talking about it, the therapies and possibly medications that are available, then you have to take a hard decision.
No, not whether to cut and run, I'm assuming you love her enough not to do that. But whether to tell her that you just have to find a fuckbuddy or whether you just have to settle for a life of celibacy. Both are difficult paths. I was so lucky, and in some ways our relationship is stronger than it was before, but that really is because of the baring of souls that we had to do to reach, for us, the right conclusion.

Good luck.
Active Ink Slinger
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Quote by Guest
Any ideas on how to snap her out of it

There are no magic solutions to problems like this. Some thing or several things are at the core of your issue and you need to find what those are and address them. They may have nothing to do with sex.

Quote by Guest
Not going to bore everyone with a lot of back story.

All that backstory and other stuff in your life is where you need to look. It's very difficult to give meaningful and specific advice without knowing you, your wife, your relationship and your issues. An objective third party perspective would probably help.
Active Ink Slinger
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Being in a sexless marriage the last occasion was 10 months ago . Been married for 34 years and some times we've gone over two years with no sex, sadly she just does not like it, thinks it's degrading. Now often sleep apart as intimacy has all gone now. The relationship we have is more like brother and sister. I've given up thinking anything will ever change.