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The age gap...

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Advanced Wordsmith
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I have found him. A man I love and am looking forward to committing to for the rest of my life. We have similar interests, senses of humor, and are compatible in every way I could have imagined and hoped for. We have dated for almost a year and a half and are looking forward (but not necessarily rushing into) to getting engaged sometime in the next year.

The issue for us? None.

The issue for others? He is 37 and I am 24. 13 year difference.

Others (mostly adult family members... ok, parents) have such a huge issue with our age difference. They think it's inappropriate and are trying to be pushy about me "exploring my options," "dating around," and "enjoying my youth." I don't want to do any of those things. [Oh, there's a whole separate issue of them thinking that we are moving too fast to be discussing marriage at 18 months of dating, but that's another topic... one I think stems from the age thing.]

I have had enough relationships, life experiences, and setbacks in my life to know what I want and what I don't from a spouse and partner. Almost every decision I have made (big decisions), I have proven myself to be a level headed decision maker, never rash, and all of my relationships have been with good people and have proven that I choose my partners wisely.

My point is... we have fallen in love and the age difference (which was a discussion we had at the beginning of our relationship) has completely become invisible to us. We're just... us. There is no older/younger dynamic.

Any similar situations/advice/words of encouragement/validation that I am not a deviant would be appreciated smile
Cryptic Vigilante
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I don't see anything wrong with your situation, personally. I have never been in a relationship with an age gap of more than 8 years or so myself, but I have some friends/relatives who experienced it and it never was an issue on its own.

People are always prone to judgement ; take whatever you want from their advices, discard the rest. The situation would be a little different if you were only 18-year-old and dating seriously a man 13 years your senior, but at the age of 24 I believe you have acquired enough maturity to make decisions on your own. Plus, you seem fairly intelligent and articulate in your post, and lucid about the situation, which all works in your favor.

Just be objective and prudent in your decisions, as with any other relationship.
Active Ink Slinger
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I got married at at 24 so to ME, I think that is a respectable age that displays both a healthy level of maturity and sound judgement (of course, there are always the exceptions!). I don't think age or the age gap is as big of an issue as is the compatibility and maturity of each person. I've met and dated men my age and older who acted more like spoiled and selfish children then the men they were supposed to be. And then there have been men I've met and dated in their twenties and early thirties that blew me away and really forced me to rethink many of my preconceived notions I had about younger men.

Today, my partner is 13 years younger than me (he's 32 and I'll be 45 in January) and it is without a doubt the most rewarding relationship I've had on every level. And just as you articulated so well, "We're just...us. There is no older/younger dynamic", I couldn't have said it better myself nor agree more wholeheartedly. The heart wants what the heart wants. Good luck!!!
Active Ink Slinger
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you are 24 if you were younger yes I would say there is a problem

but no

but I will tell you this having married a man 9 years older

it does make a difference years down the road or when HE or YOU may want children....and HIS sexual drive as you will hit your peak as he may be slowing down a bit

as long as you have other things in common besides sex

then you will be fine

but age per se is not the problem

people..are

congrats and wishing you a lovely life with your new man!
" smile..it is the second best thing to do with your LIPS!"
Rookie Scribe
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As long as age isnt an issue neither for you nor him i say go for it! If you love each other, want to be around each other and you dont have serious problems in your relationship, there is absolutely no reason for others to try and patronize you into doing something you dont want to do. Live this situation to the fullest, enjoy it. If its meant to be it will be. If not you will have the experience by your side to continue to better things. Being 24 doesnt mean youre brainless. 24 is just a number as are 19 and 49. If you manage to close that 'gap' in between and youre sure that this is the right man for you(of course he must think the same for you)age shouldnt matter.

I hope this helps smile
Lurker
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Absolutely nothing wrong with age gap....unless one is underage, which neither if you are. Love is love . Good luck!
Lurker
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I am married here and offline to men who are older. Nothing wrong with it. Life is too short to worry about things like age. If you love each other go for it because love is not easy to find. Send us the invite. I promise not to be an obnoxious bridesmaid as long as the dresses are not ridiculous.
Lurker
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I think the same like my lush wife above. Love is what matters.
Lurker
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It is your life and you only get one shot. Enjoy every minute and ignore all the negative judgemental people. A true friend is someone who knows all about you and loves you anyways. Good luck.
Love Bug
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Real love is so rare. When you find it go for it. I am in love with a man that is older than me and I could not love more. If I could meet him today I would love him like no other. Our hearts decide who they love, our minds usually get in the way. Follow your heart and I wish you all the luck.
Active Ink Slinger
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I like older guys ..und also older lady's also ....mi husband is 60...und i am 38 ....so heck yes..
Rookie Scribe
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Hi

Most of my partners are older than me..

I and my family are OK with it, and then it's no problem...
Active Ink Slinger
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My partner is 26 years younger than I am. We are interested in most of the same things, and are very compatible. Dont let anyone tell you that age is a show stopper. Either you two are compatible or you are not. If so, age doesnt matter.
Red is the color of sex and signs that say Do Not Enter

The best thing to hear in the middle of the night - Lick Me
Active Ink Slinger
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Age shouldnt matter if you love the person. I happen to love older men . Im 37 and my boyfriend is 54. We've no problems with.
Active Ink Slinger
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I just turned 19 n ever since jr high I've prefered older guys. Boys my age play too much games. The oldest I've been w/ was 40 something.
Bubble butt cutie
Lurker
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well im 50 and would love to "not" play games, well that is unless you want to lol ,. but seriously i want to get u spun and naked and fuck the hellout of you, so.... hmu. btw u r hot n nasty mmm mmm
Lurker
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age is nothing to do with it if you love each other that is all that matters people on the outside should not judge
Active Ink Slinger
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Quote by SecretLush
I have had enough relationships, life experiences, and setbacks in my life to know what I want and what I don't from a spouse and partner.

Have you had relationships where you've lived with the other person? If your religion and/or morals don't allow for that I apologize. I just find that I learn a lot about my significant others when living with them. Sometimes dealbreakers.
Active Ink Slinger
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My wife is seven years younger and makes no difference to us if he loves you treats you right then I don't see a problem age is no big thing nowadays hope your both very happy together besides sex with an older person is usually amazing
Active Ink Slinger
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You have the same age difference as my husband and me, and we've been successfully married for 36 years. I was younger than you, only 20, when I got married and yes, my parents and other people were against it; but they got over it a long time ago. Yours will, too, when they see your happiness and realize it's working. Good luck!
Advanced Wordsmith
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I think its less about an age difference than about maturity levels. That seems to be the main point about looking for someone older.

The only potential issue about getting involved with someone too much older than yourself is that it may get awkward in about 20 or 30 years, if your relationship lasts to that point.
Just keep wallowing in your own chaotic insecure delusions.
Lurker
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I have always dated women older than myself...by as much as 20 years. It just feels right. Age isn't nearly as important as maturity level!
Advanced Wordsmith
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I'm 19 and engaged, my maturity level is much higher. Do I feel like I'm not exploring my options? No. Do I feel the need to enjoy my youth like every other person I know? No. Do I need to date around to know who is and isn't a prick? NO. I think you get the picture. If you was 16 and your boyfriend was 29 (like my fiancé's sister and her boyfriend) then yes I would say it's pretty taboo and should be kept to the fantasies. Some people get married within 6 months of knowing each other too so why should it be a problem if you're only discussing it? I wish you all the happiness in the world for you and your partner, what's the point in re-living what you know when you can live and look forward to what you love? Your parent's don't understand and probably won't, but what they need to realise is that it is your life and you should be free to live it as you wish. You're young and in love so why should people who are full of pessimism be allowed to break you of that high you feel when your with him?

All the best for you both, and no matter what, live your life for you not those around you.

Active Ink Slinger
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I have always heard that when you find "the one" you would know it. Years ago I found that One. I was 42 and she was 30. Because of cultural and "family" issues, we were basically ripped apart (it’s a long story). I have thought of her every day for 19 years.

While it does put stress on your relationship when your family is not supportive, I hope you will be able to deal with that and that your relationship will continue to flourish. A love like you describe is quite rare. Don't even think about trying to live the rest of your life without it.

I try never to give advice, but this time I can't help myself.

Best of luck to both of you.
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I have been in two VERY serious, long term past relationships: one was my own age, one was 10 years older - close to you and your age situation at that time, and now I am with someone much, much younger and serious for 2 years.

The gap plays a part to whatever degree it may or may not in your relationship either way, and everyone is different (your heart & motives and his are things no one else can judge) just like issues of same or close age, because that does not elimate stuff or make for maturity or evenly yoked even at same age and close similarities. It is always a gamble... but when you are truly dedicated and give it your best and are happy and work on things, what more can you expect? What you want is what you want and what you need is what you need. No one else can say and no one else has to love in your skin or answer for you. What other people expect or their precepts of "norm/appropriate" need to be kept for themselves and not looking at other people. Sometimes it seems to be pure hypocrisy and bunk when a person takes a deeper look most of the time. So do not feel bad. Life is a process of many things and love is a great one of them. It helps us grow and learn about who we are and what we need and want, as well.
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Quote by Truemalduke
I think its less about an age difference than about maturity levels. That seems to be the main point about looking for someone older.

The only potential issue about getting involved with someone too much older than yourself is that it may get awkward in about 20 or 30 years, if your relationship lasts to that point.

I really agree.

and same with the deal of there are bigger problems than age. Compatibilty is not age-specific.
Advanced Wordsmith
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if you are blind in someones love then nothing matters . as you have said that u have not made bad choices the go forward with your decision and hope that your luck does not runs out.
Rookie Scribe
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Doesn't matter if you love the person TRULY.
It'd be fuckin' pathetic to say,
"I love you, but I should leave you because you're 20 yrs older than me."
I get attracted to younger guys, but I think older guys are more reliable, tbh. :P
Active Ink Slinger
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Age is but a number and your feelings are what they are, ignore all the others facts and if its right then thats your answer.