I am personally offended by the friend zone. My personal experience with it is that someone I am interested in will put me "in the friend zone" for only a few reasons. In my experience, those reasons have been:
1) To have my emotional and moral support for them in their life without reciprocating
2) Wanting my attention and using the friend zone as a way to string me along and maintain that attention without making me a part of their life
3) They don't have the courage to say that they are just not interested
4) They want to cause anguish in my life to know they have the ability to do so
If they were really keen on being friends, they would have no problem dating, because it's really just an extension and deepening of friendship. Either that or we have vastly different ideas of what friends and dating are all about. Think
5) they have baggage they need to process first. And have met your to early on in that process. Strong enought not to loose an opportunity of getting to know you. (Not stringing along).
To the OP - quite honestly, it's your fault for not being upfront with her and telling her that you don't believe men and women can just be friends and explaining to her that opposite sex friendship has zero value to you unless you're going to get laid.
That's pretty much what you've spelled out in your post.
Many women are under the impression that friendship has value in and of itself, regardless of gender.
It sounds like a communication fuck up, but don't blame the girl for not putting out solely because she thinks you're a fun guy to hang out with now and then.
That few instances of friend zoning that I have witnessed involved one person either before or after a friendship had blossomed, deciding that they were romantically interested in the other person and getting upset when their feelings weren't reciprocated.
There isn't really such a thing as being friend zoned as far as I'm concerned. There's simply cases of poor reactions to unreciprocated attraction.
Pure logic..be careful who you zone with. In a vast percentage, of zones, it's zoom and they be gone. Sort of notching up the jet.
What I've found is that there are two distinct types of women. Those who want their partner to be their lover and best friend. And those who believe those two should be two separate people. If she's the latter, then being her friend will not get you anywhere romantically. If she's the former, then there is a possibility that over time your friendship could lead to more as she gets to know you better.
However, it is very important for you to understand that the type of pressure and blaming you are putting on her will not make you more attractive to her. If anything, she's probably regretting even being friends with you. Your line stating "If they were really keen on being friends, they would have no problem dating, because it's really just an extension and deepening of friendship" is really concerning. Because it's basically saying that any woman who likes you as a friend should want to date you too. That doesn't sound like friendship at all to me. That sounds like dating. And you already know she's not interested in that. So if you can't be just her friend, walk away.
Flip the situation around. Would you date all your female friends? Or are their some that you like only as a friend, and nothing more? I have female friends who for one reason or another I would not date. I imagine you would too. However, if you secretly want to date every woman in your group of friends, then I would question whether you actually have female friends. If that's the case, stop trying to be friends with women. Stick to being friends with men, and dating women. You won't get so confused about what they want, and you'll be a lot happier.
Stop whining.
"Omg, I'm nice to her! That means that she has to date or have sex with me!"
She shouldn't have to tell you that she isn't interested, you should be smart enough to pick up the fucking hint and spare her the bullshit.
No one is trying to use you, you just think that she's obligated to do stuff with you which she isn't.
You're a whiny cunt, if you don't like being "friendzoned" then don't make friends with women.
Some women want friends and friends help each other without expecting much if not anything in return, you're just selfish.
I just looked at the definition of 'friend-zone' on Wikipedia, and I liked the way it was described :
In popular culture, the "friend zone" refers to a platonic relationship wherein one person wishes to enter into a romantic or sexual relationship, while the other does not.
So yeah, being friends with someone is totally different than being in their 'friend-zone', acting like a needy and clingy person. I'm surely not in the 'friend-zone' of my male friends... I'm just their 'friend'. The same applies to my female friends.
It's simple, men and women can be friends if they are not shallow, self-centered, cliche-talkin', trendy doofuses.
Another thing that annoys me about the term 'friend-zone' is that it holds a negative connotation and implies that ending up being friends with a girl is a complete failure. Hey, you can't accept to be just a friend with a lady, that's unacceptable and surely not manly ; just keep annoying her or stick around in a needy and pathetic manner, even though she's going to perceive you less and less as a strong, mature and independant man. In a way, those who fear the 'friend-zone' the most are probably those who are the most likely to fall into it. Those who don't bother will simply accept their 'friend' status, yet are still going to be perceived as respectable men by women. Such a man will also be considered a 'real friend' and not just a 'fake friend' that's acting with uncertain intentions.
Of course, you don't want to approach girls you're interested in only displaying a friendly attitude either. You have to somehow demonstrate that you have sexual desires too if you want them to see you as a potential romantic partner. That's another issue with guys who often complain getting 'friend-zoned' in my opinion ; they can't be upfront about their sexuality, yet start whinning when women perceive only friendly qualities in them.
i don't like this. I don't know this person well enough to trust or not trust them. Maybe I jumped in too fast.
