Hi Guys
Hypothetical:
You have a female buddy (totally platonic friendship, always has been). You have been friends for approximately a year. You occasionally talk to each other about many things, sometimes relationship issues, but generally just having a laugh together. One day you two have a private conversation about a mutual friend.
Your new girlfriend (of a couple of weeks) hears about the conversation you had with your female friend and doesn't like it. (Your new girlfriend is not the person you were talking about)
She gives you an ultimatum to either cut all ties with your female friend, or she will leave you.
Bearing in mind that you like your new girlfriend very much,
Would you break your friendship with your friend of 1 year because you were given an ultimatum to choose by your girlfriend of a couple of weeks?.
Do you believe someone has a right to ask you to choose between friends? Girls, please feel free to answer.
No i would show me new girlfriend the door!!!
One GF tried this - she wasn't around long after that
NO
No one has the right to tell anyone who they should or shouldn't be friends with ....as for the relationship you referred to, it doesn't sound to me that it is built on trust or mutual understanding.....never a good sign in my opinion.
no, ultimatums are not the right thing in a relationship, irrespective!
Definitely not a good start to a relationship. Mutual trust and understanding are paramount to the success of any relationship.
If an ultimatum like this is given that early in a relationship I would have doubts about its' future. I would see the ultimatum as a question of my judgement and feel that I was being manipulated somewhat.
No. That would be the end of the relationship right there and then.
Technically all three people are at fault in this hypothetical.
1. The 'buddy' for talking shit about a mutual (supposed) friend to the degree that the person doesn't want to get called out on it (ie. it's kind of two-faced and lacks loyalty if it's someone they consider a friend).
2. The 'female friend' for blabbing a private conversation to someone else, thereby betraying a confidence - although unfortunately this particular confidence sounds like it was shady anyway, so loyalties seem kind of weak with this whole group as it is.
3. The 'new girlfriend' for issuing an ultimatum in a friendship that shouldn't involve her, thereby acting like a total control freak.
But... based on the final question - I would say no - I'm against ultimatums. People should make up their own minds. A relationship isn't ownership (well.. unless they're into BDSM, I guess).
I actually feel sorry for the poor person who is put in a position of having to choose between a friend and his/her girlfriend.
But i'm going to go against the majority here and say if i was falling for my new girlfriend i would probably do what she wished incase i lost her
If I had a private conversation with someone and then someone else heard about it, that would mean the female friend is a fake friend because she obviously blabbed it to people. I can see where the girlfriend is coming from, if the boyfriend tells her stuff and then it's all over the place, she has every reason to be concerned that facts about their private life would be out in the open.
Without being in that situation and knowing how close they are as friends, it would be difficult to say and I don't know how I would react to the ultimatum, but I can kind of see where the girlfriend is coming from. As a girl, I would not give an ultimatum if he and the female friend were good friends, I would just leave him, especially since it was only a couple weeks, when you get in a relationship with someone, like it or not, you get a relationship with their friends too and if you don't get along with their friends and they spend a lot of time together, it's not going to work.
Why does the complexity of this question make me believe that it might be a little more than hypothetical?
Anyway, I do think the girlfriend would be in her right to ask for clarifications and justifications. But to give an ultimatum straight away is a be a bit immature and arrogant from her part. What makes her think she holds all the power in the couple?
I'm going to have to go with what Ash said. She pretty much nailed it on the head, as she usually does.
No one should have to choose between one person over the other. It's your own choice.
No, I would break up with her if had to choose her or my friend becasue it wouldn't be fair to my friend plus, it's just wrong to end a friend over something so stupid
Ultimatums KILL OFF relationships.
Oh, maybe not quickly, but they will. They will fester and grow and become gangrenous.
I LOATHE being made to decide between keeping one set of friends or the other. That's petty, and cruel, and selfish.
Any girl that tried to pull that BS is getting thrown to the curb in the NY minute. Playing with emotions is bad. Playing with relationships on top of emotions is evil...
I would never let anyone tell me who I could have for a friend. I am sorry if that person really cares for the other you don't do that. If that is how the relationship is going to be after 2 weeks. I say get rid if her, there are plenty of other women out there who would treat you better and be very happy to have you.
Are you crazy you've known her for a year and your girlfriend for weeks.
Good friends are hard to come by, friendship comes before love and with love comes trust so final answer NO!
Absolutely NOT!! I'd give the gf an ultimatum - chill out or GO. What on earth gives her the right to think she can dictate who a friend is.
its a simple choice really I would pick the friend because you have known her longer.. plus your gf should respect you enough so she doesn't have to give you an ultimatum..
Depends on how the guy feels for his girlfriend, if he loves her and adores her and believes she is something special then yes he should take the ultimatum. The friend, if is actually a friend should understand that the happiness of the guy in this position is most important and should be understanding and willing to lose his friendship if it means his happiness with his girlfriend, that's what a loyal friend would do, one that's not self absorbed.
My answer is yes, but it's not 'giving in' as the question states. And you can't put a time value on friendship, the month with the girlfriend could mean so much more then the year as the friend
If the friend was a true friend she would respect their friendship and would understand the GF concerns. She would try and appease the GF worries. Bit if she tried to make the friend choose between the two, well my decision would be to stick with the GF, as the friend was never truly a friend in the first place.
So yes I would stick with the GF
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