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Am i really that unattractive?

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Ive been trying to get a gf for almost 3 years now only to get told im not their type or how canI date someone like you, i know im over weight, balding, and have acne but do women really only care about looks? I have a great personality and great sense of humor, im nice, kind hearted, caring, is that not good enough either? Please ladies and gentlemen help me out and give me some advice
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Have girls really said "how can I date someone like you?"? Whats that even supposed to mean? What kind of girls are you asking out? Strangers...or girls you are already friends with?

That question aside, most people can improve their appearance if they want. You say you're overweight...do something about it. Losing weight gives you more confidence and would, I guess, make you more appealing to women.
WellMadeMale
Constant Gardener
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Are you hitting on overweight, balding women who have serious acne issues... or are you constantly reaching for the items on the top shelf in the marketplace of life?
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
Shylass
Gingerbread Lover
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Quote by BigJay23
Ive been trying to get a gf for almost 3 years now only to get told im not their type or how canI date someone like you, i know im over weight, balding, and have acne but do women really only care looks? I have a great personality and great sense of humor, im nice, kind hearted, caring, is that not good enough either? Please ladies help me out and give me some advice


No, you are not unattractive at all, not to me.

I don't care about looks; I care about what a person is like. But I think that sometimes, some of us are left lonely and single. I've never had a boyfriend, and I could have made this sort of post myself. It does my head in when people say, "Don't go looking for it, love will find you. Just enjoy the moment and when the time is right, it will happen". I hate it, because it's usually said by somebody who has had regular or long-term relationships, and it makes me want to punch them.

But to a certain extent, they're right. We cannot force what isn't "meant to be". Yes, we can go out on a mad chase, dressing up, trying different tactics, going out of our way, etc. But if the right person isn't there, they're not there.

I'm horribly lonely, and I'm fat, ugly, and annoying in many ways. I struggle to find things that are positive about myself, even if friends tell me otherwise. If they were true, why am I still single? Right? I could list all those positives, and own them, but I'd still be single.

I think that sometimes, certain people just have to stand up, accept the fact that for the moment, they are alone, and go and enjoy the freedom they have. Because if and when that tide turns and the sexy ship is brought to anchor, there will be sacrifices to be made and a journey of a new kind to embrace. And the person that we make that voyage with will want to go with us because of the person that we are.

The person that we are includes how we deal with loneliness, rejection and singledom. The only advice that I can give you is to say that there really are some positives to being alone. Find them, enjoy them, and love them. If and when the right person comes along, and wants to be with us, it will be wonderful and a joy, but it can be wonderful and a joy of a different sort to be single too. We just have to make an effort, find ways of not just coping, but enjoying it wholly. It's a lifestyle as well as a state of being. A concious decision to embrace what we're able can not just help, but be brilliant, too.

At least, that's what I try to tell myself. You are not alone in those feelings. I hope that time will bring you everything and everyone that you truly desire. Until that time, I hope that you are able to enjoy being and exploring the person that you are. By the time you with somebody else, you will have embraced what life has to offer a single person, and loved it for what it is. Enjoy the scenery of the path that you are on, because there will be other scenery on different journeys. Try to see the fun of it, just as there will be rocky parts of a shared journey.



That's all I have, sorry.


Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.

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Shylass
Gingerbread Lover
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Quote by WellMadeMale
Are you hitting on overweight, balding women who have serious acne issues... or are you constantly reaching for the items on the top shelf in the marketplace of life?


I am sick and tired of the "stick to your own league" attitude that I often see on these sorts of threads. It's rubbing salt on the gaping wound. Thanks so much for that reminder. Sadly, I think the only people who don't care about what a person looks like are the ugly, desperate ones like me. And we're desperate, so what do we know?!

Fucking hate that mentality.
Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.

 ***
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Quote by Shylass


I am sick and tired of the "stick to your own league" attitude that I often see on these sorts of threads.


Totally agree. It's a ridiculous argument based on the mistaken belief that people are only interested in looks. Complete nonsense.
Dani
Big-haired Bitch
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A great personality according to whom? Are you overbearing? Or needy? Or just really desperate? Because women pick up on that kind of stuff. Especially insecurities. Do you really push the relationship thing? Do you date with the overall intention of being that woman's boyfriend? Do you do too much too soon? There are so many factors to consider other than your winning personality and wit.

What are the other negatives besides your weight and acne? What are your hobbies? What kind of job do you have? Do you live with your mother? Are you going for women who have something in common with you?

I REALLY hate to say it, but WellMadeMale made some great points. I hate the "stick to your own league" stigma as much as the next person, but there is some truth to it. Sure there are beautiful women with really unattractive men or vice versa out there. But really, how often do you see that? Are you as shallow in choosing women as they are when they reject you?

Overall, I don't think you're unattractive. But I wouldn't look at you across the room and go, "Yeah baby. I'm going home with that guy." Not at first glance. Just like you wouldn't look at an overweight and acne-ridden woman and immediately undress her in your eyes. To be completely honest, you have to work harder. You have to be extra charming. Extra funny. Extra witty. Extra everything to compensate for it. In a perfect world, looks don't matter. But the world isn't perfect, and looks do indeed matter.

Make a woman WANT to get to know you. And when you strike out, you can't automatically assume it's your looks. Don't use your looks as a crutch to disguise the real problem(s) of why a woman wouldn't want to be with you. Because if they've given you a shot, then they've already gotten past the looks. You have to do the same.

░P░U░S░S░Y░ ░I░N░ ░B░I░O░


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Quote by BigJay23
Ive been trying to get a gf for almost 3 years now only to get told im not their type or how canI date someone like you, i know im over weight, balding, and have acne but do women really only care looks? I have a great personality and great sense of humor, im nice, kind hearted, caring, is that not good enough either? Please ladies help me out and give me some advice



Yes you are. I know it sounds blunt but hear me out.
I never had problems to find guys, I never had problems with rejecting guys down, specially pretty boys like Cristiano Ronaldo (saw him in the paper the other day) I am not bad looking, but very average woman, however men find me attractive for several reasons but what I find atractive in men is their self-confidence. All my guys were 'odd looking' people for modern standards.. short, bald, big noses, skinny and so on, but they all had great sense for humor and they were aware of who they are and are okay with it. Stop reading Cosmopolitan and thinking what women might want in men, it is a rat circle because they are doing the same and consequenceis that bunch of people are living fake unhappy lifes. Step in front of the mirror and just embrace who you are, learn how to develop your self-confidence, I am sure there are women who will date you. Remember no one likes desperate people, because of the simple reason..people in general avoid desperate ones, because they have fear that they will end up taking care of them and that can become a hassle, it is too much of responsebility and work, we all are too selfish for that.
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Quote by urbancoyote
Have girls really said "how can I date someone like you?"? Whats that even supposed to mean? What kind of girls are you asking out? Strangers...or girls you are already friends with?

That question aside, most people can improve their appearance if they want. You say you're overweight...do something about it. Losing weight gives you more confidence and would, I guess, make you more appealing to women.



I've had a few friends say that to me. I go for curvy women and i only ask out friends and people i get to know.
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Quote by slipperywhenwet2012
A great personality according to whom? Are you overbearing? Or needy? Or just really desperate? Because women pick up on that kind of stuff. Especially insecurities. Do you really push the relationship thing? Do you date with the overall intention of being that woman's boyfriend? Do you do too much too soon? There are so many factors to consider other than your winning personality and wit.

What are the other negatives besides your weight and acne? What are your hobbies? What kind of job do you have? Do you live with your mother? Are you going for women who have something in common with you?

I REALLY hate to say it, but WellMadeMale made some great points. I hate the "stick to your own league" stigma as much as the next person, but there is some truth to it. Sure there are beautiful women with really unattractive men or vice versa out there. But really, how often do you see that? Are you as shallow in choosing women as they are when they reject you?

Overall, I don't think you're unattractive. But I wouldn't look at you across the room and go, "Yeah baby. I'm going home with that guy." Not at first glance. Just like you wouldn't look at an overweight and acne-ridden woman and immediately undress her in your eyes. To be completely honest, you have to work harder. You have to be extra charming. Extra funny. Extra witty. Extra everything to compensate for it. In a perfect world, looks don't matter. But the world isn't perfect, and looks do indeed matter.

Make a woman WANT to get to know you. And when you strike out, you can't automatically assume it's your looks. Don't use your looks as a crutch to disguise the real problem(s) of why a woman wouldn't want to be with you. Because if they've given you a shot, then they've already gotten past the looks. You have to do the same.


L
I've been told by my friends, people i talk to that i have a great personality, i have confidence in myself. I am who I am
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Quote by Shylass


I am sick and tired of the "stick to your own league" attitude that I often see on these sorts of threads. It's rubbing salt on the gaping wound. Thanks so much for that reminder. Sadly, I think the only people who don't care about what a person looks like are the ugly, desperate ones like me. And we're desperate, so what do we know?!

Fucking hate that mentality.



Thank you so much shylass smile
Dani
Big-haired Bitch
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Quote by BigJay23


L
I've been told by my friends, people i talk to that i have a great personality, i have confidence in myself. I am who I am


OK. What else do you bring to the table? It seems as if you WANT your looks to be the problem when there very well may be several other factors involved than just your weight, acne, and hairline.

If you get abs, some Pro Activ, and some Bosley (hair growth treatment), what then would be the reason women wouldn't date you long term?

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Dancing_Doll
Alpha Blonde
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Quote by BigJay23



I've had a few friends say that to me. I go for curvy women and i only ask out friends and people i get to know.


This is your problem. You are a friend-zone pitcher.

Don't become friends with a woman and then ask her out or try to spring a relationship out of the arid dry grounds of platonic friendship. Chances are those girls don't see you in that way from the start - they are just seeing you as friend material.

When you see a girl you like - be upfront about your intentions. Keep it flirty. Let them see your interest. Otherwise, you often get a one-way ticket to the friend-zone and once you're there it's harder to get out of than you think.
MadMartigan
Raised on Blackroot
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My only advice and this pretty much applies to most aspects of your life (and anyone else's life in general) is this....

stop fucking worrying about what other people think or will think. There are far too many assholes, narcissistic tools, petty jerks, and just plain mean-spirited soulless creatures on this planet.

DO NOT help them out by belittling yourself. It's not you, it is society who has put a premium on what qualifies attractive. Everyone is attracted to different sorts of people. Inside we're all just piles of red meat, waste, and bone and inside, we all smell like shit.

Unless you're made of candy. In which case, you better run or Ima come eat you up.


You are who you are and what you were born with. You can change things, sure. To an extent, but ultimately just live your life and what has been given to you.

No one likes the self-deprecating types. Having to constantly reassure someone that you are attractive to them, funny to them, worthy of your love, etc, etc, etc, is just a vicious cycle that goes nowhere. It is the epitome of unattractive.

If you can't love yourself or see yourself as attractive, why should other people think that way?
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Quote by She



Yes you are. I know it sounds blunt but hear me out.
I never had problems to find guys, I never had problems with rejecting guys down, specially pretty boys like Cristiano Ronaldo (saw him in the paper the other day) I am not bad looking, but very average woman, however men find me attractive for several reasons but what I find atractive in men is their self-confidence. All my guys were 'odd looking' people for modern standards.. short, bald, big noses, skinny and so on, but they all had great sense for humor and they were aware of who they are and are okay with it. Stop reading Cosmopolitan and thinking what women might want in men, it is a rat circle because they are doing the same and consequenceis that bunch of people are living fake unhappy lifes. Step in front of the mirror and just embrace who you are, learn how to develop your self-confidence, I am sure there are women who will date you. Remember no one likes desperate people, because of the simple reason..people in general avoid desperate ones, because they have fear that they will end up taking care of them and that can become a hassle, it is too much of responsebility and work, we all are too selfish for that.





So you are saying i am unattractive? I have confidence in myself, i am who I am plan and simple. I wouldn't say im desperate either, i didn't post this up to sound desperate. I just posted this to get some advice and help.
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Quote by Dancing_Doll


This is your problem. You are a friend-zone pitcher.

Don't become friends with a woman and then ask her out or try to spring a relationship out of the arid dry grounds of platonic friendship. Chances are those girls don't see you in that way from the start - they are just seeing you as friend material.

When you see a girl you like - be upfront about your intentions. Keep it flirty. Let them see your interest. Otherwise, you often get a one-way ticket to the friend-zone and once you're there it's harder to get out of than you think.



Thank you so much, that is what im looking for advice like that, but how do i stop myself from getting friend zoned? I always seem to get it, even with people i just met
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At the end of the day, it's a massive guessing game as to what you need to do. One girl wants A, B and C, another wants X, Y and Z. It's a lot more hassle than its worth to be honest.
Dani
Big-haired Bitch
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Quote by BigJay23




So you are saying i am unattractive? I have confidence in myself, i am who I am plan and simple. I wouldn't say im desperate either, i didn't post this up to sound desperate. I just posted this to get some advice and help.


Even if you were the most attractive man on the planet, there would still be someone who wouldn't find you attractive. Everyone's entitled to their own taste as far as looks go.

Asking if you're unattractive isn't a sign of confidence, no matter how you spin it.

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Dani
Big-haired Bitch
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Quote by BigJay23



Thank you so much, that is what im looking for advice like that, but how do i stop myself from getting friend zoned? I always seem to get it, even with people i just met


As Doll already said, make your interest and intentions known up front. Don't hide it under the guise of friendship. Befriending a woman for the sole purpose of hoping to get with her usually always back fires.

In addition to that, once you learn to avoid the friend zone, you have to evaluate what you bring to the table relationshipwise. Everyone must do this. Male, female, attractive, unattractive, and everyone in between.

As a woman, I look for independence and stability. Could you offer that to a woman seeking that? And that's just an example. I'm just outlining how important it is to go for someone compatible with you.

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Dancing_Doll
Alpha Blonde
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Quote by BigJay23



Thank you so much, that is what im looking for advice like that, but how do i stop myself from getting friend zoned? I always seem to get it, even with people i just met


Because unless you're flirting, asking a girl out on a date, and making yourself seem like a sexual/dating prospect from the beginning, you become this 'nice guy' ball of clay that fades into the background. It's almost like you become a non-sexual entity to them. It's hard to explain why this happens but guys that love to listen to problems and offer too much all at once and jump at offering to be the designated driver on night's out or watching her purse while she dances with her friends at the bar tend to run the risk of becoming a bit of a whipping boy or doormat.

Yes, technically it's a riskier play to flirt and seek the date early on in meeting a girl, but we pretty much know if we're going to give you a chance pretty early on, so in my opinion, it's better to put it out there and know where you stand from the start. Girls also appreciate this, because the last thing we enjoy is telling a male friend that we enjoy hanging out with or talking to that we're not into them when the big move comes a few months later out of the blue. It's always awkward for both parties.
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Quote by BigJay23




So you are saying i am unattractive? I have confidence in myself, i am who I am plan and simple. I wouldn't say im desperate either, i didn't post this up to sound desperate. I just posted this to get some advice and help.


Unfortunalelly, you are not attractive to me. And it has nothing to do with your looks either, I actually like your smile, however, asking this kind of questions with attitude you had it doesnt smell too atractive to me personaly.
I dont want to strip you down here, but describing yourself as plane and simple is not really appealing..women in general want to smell the stink of testesteron coming from guy.
Dancing_Doll hit the spot when saying that you are too much in friend zone, specially if you have great personality and nice respectfull attitude...rarelly any woman want to jeopardize that friendship with fuck or posible relationship. Once in friend zone never a sex toy smile
crazydiamond
Clever Gem
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You say "people say I'm this , people say I'm that."

How do you feel about yourself? That my friend is the deal breaker or game maker.

Every time you say I'm fat , I'm ugly I'm this, I'm not that, you are sending that out there too. People read that.

Unfortunately the saying is true, If you dont love yourself....

Confidence, beauty and attractiveness comes in all shapes and sizes, but you have to believe it.
Otherwise you are indeed sending all those bad vibes out there, and that could be the issue.


Goodluck
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I'm going to throw a spanner in the works of this "don't get in the friend-zone" idea. I'm not going to argue that this might be the case with some girls, but not all. Ive somehow managed to persuade 7 women to do the horizontal samba with me (I have no idea how it happened either), anyway, 5 of them where what you would probably call, in the friend-zone...well they were colleagues, but Id known them all for ages. So it disproves the theory that once you are in the zone, there is no way out. Like everything, it depends on the girl.

Either that, or girls who work in my company are just really easy......surprised
MadMartigan
Raised on Blackroot
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Quote by urbancoyote
I'm going to throw a spanner in the works of this "don't get in the friend-zone" idea. I'm not going to argue that this might be the case with some girls, but not all. Ive somehow managed to persuade 7 women to do the horizontal samba with me (I have no idea how it happened either), anyway, 5 of them where what you would probably call, in the friend-zone...well they were colleagues, but Id known them all for ages. So it disproves the theory that once you are in the zone, there is no way out. Like everything, it depends on the girl.

Either that, or girls who work in my company are just really easy......surprised


heh. All the women I've been with were friends before bumping uglies as well. It isn't a clear cut practice. Heck, one female friend I had pursued me for sex (though we'd be kinda flirting before that) before I left after graduating college. She had a BF throughout most of that and had dumped him a month or two before (we both regretted not starting the fun sooner).

So yea. It is all dependent upon the girl. But I would also add, you need to be able to spot sexual tension between you and your friend(s) to even know if sleeping together will ever be on the table or even a future relationship.

Past a certain point, I've learned, you can only look at yourself for putting yourself in the friend zone for good. You could be relegated to the "never have sex with you group" or in other words, the brother from another mother circle.
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Quote by urbancoyote
I'm going to throw a spanner in the works of this "don't get in the friend-zone" idea. I'm not going to argue that this might be the case with some girls, but not all. Ive somehow managed to persuade 7 women to do the horizontal samba with me (I have no idea how it happened either), anyway, 5 of them where what you would probably call, in the friend-zone...well they were colleagues, but Id known them all for ages. So it disproves the theory that once you are in the zone, there is no way out. Like everything, it depends on the girl.

Either that, or girls who work in my company are just really easy......surprised


Not really. I dont see working with someone is the same as a friend. Yes you knew woman for a while before shagging her, you were talking and flirting and joking around for ages right? t is not the same as few of us reffered to a friend zone type of guy. That guy is usually, very willing, great listener and putting her needs infront of his, dealling and solving her love issues wich usually are just steaming out and so on.. It is a difference i think, between you two.
TheDevilsWeakness
Active Ink Slinger
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Quote by urbancoyote
I'm going to throw a spanner in the works of this "don't get in the friend-zone" idea. I'm not going to argue that this might be the case with some girls, but not all. Ive somehow managed to persuade 7 women to do the horizontal samba with me (I have no idea how it happened either), anyway, 5 of them where what you would probably call, in the friend-zone...well they were colleagues, but Id known them all for ages. So it disproves the theory that once you are in the zone, there is no way out. Like everything, it depends on the girl.


This is why men and women will never understand one another. You guys don't think like we do.
If you were friend zoned... You would almost certainly remain there.
Either you're totally bullshitting us on scoring with 5 women that would be considered friends or you've been encouraging them all along without realizing it. Which would NOT put you in the dreaded friend zone. At least in their eyes.
By the way... We call them groupies.
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Quote by TheDevilsWeakness



By the way... We call them groupies.

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Quote by TheDevilsWeakness


We call them groupies.


I'd love a groupie surprised
Dancing_Doll
Alpha Blonde
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The best way to differentiate from being in the 'friend zone' versus just being a casual male acquaintance that a girl might have sex with under the right circumstances is to look at this guy:





You don't ever want to be this guy. I'm sure he's really nice and has a great personality and gets invited out with the group every Friday night. But he's never going to get laid by that girl.

As She and MM said, casual male acquaintances would probably be technically tagged as friends but there's always some underlying flirting and sexual tension there. Usually something is in the way to prevent immediate hooking-up or dating in these cases (ie. one or both people are in relationships already, or you work together, live out of town etc) so things are kept on a generally friendly level but you both kind of know that with the right amount of vodka and the right kind of situation or opportunity, things might happen.
MadMartigan
Raised on Blackroot
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One last thought.

I just can't resist quoting "Shit My Dad Says."

"Out of your league?! What fucking league are you talking about?! You are a man, she is a fucking woman! That is all that matters, goddamnit!"

Followed by my personal favorite.

"Son, you're always telling me why women don't like you. No one wants to lay the guy who wouldn't lay himself."