Ok, here's my question: I have a female friend who will text or facebook message with me. Its non-sexual, just friendly, but she's younger and in great shape. I've noticed when I interact with her I am so fired up that I insist on sex with my wife. I do not pretend its this other woman, I'm having sex with my wife. This other woman knows she is having this effect on me and enjoys it. She is also married, I do not believe she has any interest in ending her marriage, as do I. What does anyone think? I deal with a lot of people each day, I have had offers of affairs, always turned them down, but I really enjoy the effect she has on me, but would not cheat, and the texts are innocent. Years ago before I was married I had a girlfriend who would go see Chippendales (male dancers), as soon as the show was over she would call me, I loved it! She was preheated! That's how I view this on me.
First question... How do you insist on sex with your wife?
Second Question... do you feel like you're doing something wrong? and are you absolutely sure there is nothing 'non-sexual' in your communication?
Do you know this woman in real life or only from FB? If you post back with a couple of answers, I'd love to reply. Yours is not just a black and white question...
That Trinket is a one woman wrecking machine! You go...!
I am not exactly sure what the question is but my impression is you are wondering if this is proper or improper behavior. I think if that is the question I would ask does your wife know what is going on. I am pretty sure I know the answer so I would as next if your wife was doing the same thing with another guy how would YOU feel? Why don't you try doing it with your wife and forget the other woman?
I have no idea, however This thought ran through my mind.. could she be doing this as a Ego booster?I would think that a lot of both Men & Women find it to be a huge ego trip knowing that they sexually turn some one on..
Just a thought.
Janet that is an EXCELLENT Suggestion.
OK, to answer the questions, I just drive her nuts until she agrees to have sex with me, its not forced or anything.
Yes, I know her, she's worked very hard to look great (she works out a lot), it is an ego boost to her that she has an effect on me. No, there is no sexual chatting, but there is some fire between us when we see each other. That said, nothing is going to happen, this has happened to me before and I've never acted on it (from other women over the years), which is sad because usually when that happens I lose somebody who was a great female friend, I don't like that at all. As far as focusing on my wife, I try, and I try, and I try, I have tried everything. I am a fun loving guy, who almost died 5 years ago, I'm easygoing like Sunday morning. I'm romantic, lusty, hardworking, in great shape, I come home every night. My wife has a hormone problem, and is very conservative. But I love her and care about her, so don't tell me to find a new mate. Did you ever see the episode of Everybody Loves Raymond, where Debra is doing aerobics, the instructor is a hot guy, Ray gets more sex, thinks that this guy is getting her worked up, and confronts her, she says:" so you think I'm cheating on you... with you?"
That's what this is! Does this help?
Janet, those are good questions. No, my wife doesn't know, she does know her. If a guy was doing this with my wife I would shake his hand and ask him his secret, if it fired her up and she initiated sex with me, that's fine with me. I'm pretty secure. And I tried phone sex with my wife tonight, and I failed (this is before I read these replies).
As one person said, its not black and white.
Maybe I am different.. But here is my take. I think if the talk is non-sexual and innocent and it still has an affect on you and your wife benefits. I don't see a problem. I have people in my life where there is just a chemistry. Its undeniable but will never be acted upon. Its the same thing. You choose your wife and that is great. If YOU feel like you are doing something wrong, then you need to figure out why and perhaps change your behavior. As for your wife, a hormone problem can be managed to minimize the effects on sexual appetite and life in general. It is a long difficult road, but it is possible.
"I'd much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships."
— Gilda Radner
thanks anonymously lush, I agree!
I don't agree. Does your wife know that you texts to this other woman are what's getting you fired up? How would she feel if you told her that? I just feel that the whole texting, chatting thing can be real touchy. I would agree to it if everything was transparent and up front between partner/spouse . But when they start hiding the phone or acting weird then something's up. Sorry I got sidetracked there, that will be a topic I will post in the future.
It would all be kind of OK...if it weren't for the fact that your friend knew she had this effect on you. That means she's in your head, and she knows she's in your head...both heads, actually. And you admit that you like the fact that she's there, and you're doing nothing to discourage this behavior. She may not be coming onto you just yet, but trust me, she's thought about it. All it's gonna take is a few too many nights of neglect by her hubby, and she knows who to turn to. Of course you're not technically cheating...your friend gets you all horned up, your wife is the nearest to you, so of course that's who you go to. The fact that this concerned you enough to gather outside opinions on the subject speaks volumes.
As I said before....TECHNICALLY you're not wrong. But think of it this way: If I slap you with my left hand even though I'm right handed, do you still get slapped?
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Janet you're right, I do like it. I have started texting my wife (before I read this, I seem to be slightly ahead of you), and I will follow your advice. To the other replies, nothing is going to happen, she's not in my head, but I do enjoy the attention, and I know it really boosts her ego. Confusing, that is why I posted this question. Thank you everybody for the replies.
I agree sweet'n'naughty, but she's a real friend. I think its complex, but I do enjoy hearing from her. Janet is right, I enjoy it. Not sure what to say.
You all can relax, the texting relationship is dead. I no longer see her at work, we still are friends, but she stopped messaging as soon as I changed areas where I work (as I suspected would happen). As I tried to tell you all, there was no emotion with me at all, maybe there was for her, but I'm not asking, that's for sure. Thanks for the input, but I think the ones who condemned it were very wrong, it was fun, that's all. I am trying some new things to try to fire up my wife, exercise! We'll see if endorphins help!
Wise words. I would also have to agree with LOVES4PLAY regarding the possibility that the other woman is getting off on the fact that she has such an effect on you. Something to think about. Either way, it's inappropriate behavior no matter how you slice it. Take janet_haney's advice and stop wasting your time playing with this other woman and play with your wife.