Please share your favorite Dirty Limericks here:
There once was a girl from Madrass
Who had an incredible ass
Not rounded and pink as you probably think
but was grey, had long ears, and ate grass
There once was a woman named Jill
Who swallowed an exploding pill
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And her tits in a tree in Brazil
There was Policeman from Clapham Junction
Whose penis wouldn't function
For the rest of his life - he satisfied his wife
With a bit of snot on the end of his truncheon
There was a young couple from Florida
Whose passion grew steadily torrider;
They had planned to sin
At a room in the inn
But, impatient, they screwed in the corridor.
A notorious whore named Miss Hearst
In the weakness of men is well versed;
Reads a sign o'er the head
Of her well rumpled bed:
'The Customer always comes first.'
The limerick I wrote was just SO bad, I had to delete it.
There was a young woman from Kilkenny
who men would shag for a penny
but for another half sum
they could roger her bum
a source of amusement for many
There once was a man from Bel Aire
who was fucking his wife on the stair
the banister broke
he doubled his stroke
and he blew his wad off in mid air
There once was a man from Bel Aire
who was fucking his wife on the stair
the banister broke
he doubled his stroke
and he blew his wad off in mid air
There once was a girl named Dot
who lived on pig shit and snot
when she couldn't get these
she ate the green cheese
that she scraped from the sides of her twat!!
George, the grave digger elite
would always have stiffs at his feet
but those that were cherry
he never would bury
instead of interring he'd eat!
There was a boy from Nantucket
Who's dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin
If my ear were a puss I would fuck it
There once was a man from kanass
Who's nuts were made out of brass
in stormy weather
he'd clack them together
and lightning shot out of his ass
There once was a man from Peru
Who had a lot of growing up to do,
He'd ring a doorbell,
then run like hell,
Until the owner shot him with a .22
There once was this guy named Stan
Who had some trouble being a man
He wore a dress and high heels
And drove a Chevrolet with pink wheels
And soon Stan became a tran
A silly young man from Clyde
In a funeral procession was spied
When asked, "Who is dead?"
He giggled and said,
"I don't know; I just came for the ride."
A mouse in her room woke Miss Dowd
She was frightened--it must be allowed.
Soon a happy thought hit her --
To scare off the critter,
She sat up in bed and meowed.
There was a young man from Devizes
Who had balls of two different sizes
One was small
Barely nothing at all
The other was large and won prizes
or
A pansy who lived In Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room
And they argued all night
Over who had the right
To do what, and with which, and to whom
There once was a girl from Philly
Who didn't like any man's willy
She thought it was sick
To suck on a dick
But she loved to eat her girl, Lillie.
There was a young girl from Calcutta
Who peeped through a hole in a shutter
And all she could see was a young maidens knees
And the balls of the cunt who was up her
There was a young boy called Shaun
Who wished he'd never been born
And he wouldn't have been
If his father had seen
That the end of his condom was torn
There was a nice young girl named May
Whose parents were about to give her a birthday
Surprise until they saw by accident something crass
In the form of a tattoo on her cute little ass
Which her daddy spanked in a very nasty way.
There was a young lady called Dinah
Who once took a slow boat to China
She was lashed to the tiller
With a sex starved gorilla
And China's a fucking long way!
There was a fellow from Kent
Whose cock was extremely bent
To save him some trouble
He put it in double
Instead of cumming he went
There was a young lady from Ealing
Who had a pleculiar feeling
She laid on her back
Opened her crack
And pissed all over the ceiling
There was a young sailor from Brighton
Who said to his girl you've got a tight one
She replied upon my soul
You're in the wrong hole
There's plenty of room in the right one
There once was a man named Al McGlick
He was born with a cork screw dick
All his life was a hunt
For the girl with a cork screw cunt
When he found her he dropped dead
For she had a left hand thread!
characterized by intense feeling; passionate; fervent
Intensely devoted, eager, or enthusiastic; zealous
vehement; fierce burning, fiery, or hot
Oom Chucka Willi
From Coconut Grove
Was the meanest mother fucker
You could tell by his clothes
He lined 100 women up against the wall
Swore to the Devil that he'd fuck them all
He got to 99 and he had to stop
Cause the frictions in his bollocks were about to pop
He went to the dr the dr said
Oom Chucka Willi
Your bollocks are dead
On his grave, all written in green
Is Oom Chucka Willi
The fucking machine
There once was a man from Seattle
whose hobby was sucking off cattle
'til a holstein named Keith
blew a load through his teeth
and put 'im right back in the saddle
There was an old Irish mick
whose cum was exceedingly thick
He could squeeze it out
And spray it about
But it stuck to the end of his dick
