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How do you let someone down "easy"?

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Active Ink Slinger
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Some background first... There is this really nice guy who asked me out. I said yes thinking, he is super sweet and funny and I just might really like him. Initially, I was not very attracted to him. It was not that he was ugly, I just didn't really feel anything like that for him. We have our first date things go well and I agree to a second date. Things went well all night until we made out, then for me, it was just over. I couldn't wait to leave and, now, I feel as though I should put an end to it while it's young. I want to be his friend still because he is a wonderful person.

How does one tell another person they have no romantic feelings towards them without becoming a terrible person?
Lurker
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I think this has more to do with the person you are trying to distance yourself from romantically than with you. While you could be rough about it and cold, I find that the real issues tend to come from the person being let down. This is not a "bad" thing, but just the way I have seen it. Their feelings will often times be the same no matter how you let them down. The heart is what the heart is.

So what I suggest is to be honest but kind with him. BUT, not so kind that he thinks he may still have a shot in the future. This is the problem many people have, they don't realize that others will see the signals and hear what they WANT to hear. It is human nature.

Another thing that I have found is that many people can't switch gears from love interest to just friends very well, if at all. I have seen that women tend to have a better time at this than men do, but that is because they seem to have this "friends" mentality that is easier to slip gears with. I have come to the conclusion that this is just not the case for most men. And it gets worse for men when they then see their object of desire showing another man the things they themselves wanted. So it isn't just an issue of letting someone down easy, but how your relationship and emotions run after that.

With that said, he may be alright with it. I don't know him. What I would suggest is being honest, firm, but kind. and then know that YOU did the right thing. And if he thinks you are a terrible person, it is not because you were, but because his heart was broken and emotions are what they are. What would be far worse is is you strung him along and then broke it off later. But also allow him his hurt and anger. It is HIS, and frankly he is entitled to it. Many times after being allowed to express and feel anger and hurt, people can move on, and he may come back as a friend. Again, just tossing different things out there since I don't know HIM.

I would also like to comment on something not asked, but I see it happen so often.... you thought the guy was funny, super sweet, and thought you might like him.... but you were not very attracted to him. But you proceeded anyways. I have found more times than not, that "attraction" is either there, or it isn't. IMO if it isn't there, DON'T DATE THEM. Stay friends, and maybe go on group dates or outings, where you are NOT paired up with the person. THEN if you form an attraction later, go ahead and date them at that time. That would help eliminate being in this position in the first place.

Good luck though.... I know, it sucks.
Clever Gem
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Quote by JohnC
I think this has more to do with the person you are trying to distance yourself from romantically than with you. While you could be rough about it and cold, I find that the real issues tend to come from the person being let down. This is not a "bad" thing, but just the way I have seen it. Their feelings will often times be the same no matter how you let them down. The heart is what the heart is.

So what I suggest is to be honest but kind with him. BUT, not so kind that he thinks he may still have a shot in the future. This is the problem many people have, they don't realize that others will see the signals and hear what they WANT to hear. It is human nature.

Another thing that I have found is that many people can't switch gears from love interest to just friends very well, if at all. I have seen that women tend to have a better time at this than men do, but that is because they seem to have this "friends" mentality that is easier to slip gears with. I have come to the conclusion that this is just not the case for most men. And it gets worse for men when they then see their object of desire showing another man the things they themselves wanted. So it isn't just an issue of letting someone down easy, but how your relationship and emotions run after that.

With that said, he may be alright with it. I don't know him. What I would suggest is being honest, firm, but kind. and then know that YOU did the right thing. And if he thinks you are a terrible person, it is not because you were, but because his heart was broken and emotions are what they are. What would be far worse is is you strung him along and then broke it off later. But also allow him his hurt and anger. It is HIS, and frankly he is entitled to it. Many times after being allowed to express and feel anger and hurt, people can move on, and he may come back as a friend. Again, just tossing different things out there since I don't know HIM.

I would also like to comment on something not asked, but I see it happen so often.... you thought the guy was funny, super sweet, and thought you might like him.... but you were not very attracted to him. But you proceeded anyways. I have found more times than not, that "attraction" is either there, or it isn't. IMO if it isn't there, DON'T DATE THEM. Stay friends, and maybe go on group dates or outings, where you are NOT paired up with the person. THEN if you form an attraction later, go ahead and date them at that time. That would help eliminate being in this position in the first place.

Good luck though.... I know, it sucks.


Damn, i was gonna say Facebook
Lurker
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Quote by crazydiamond


Damn, i was gonna say Facebook

LOL Seen that!
Active Ink Slinger
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I've been here more times than I'd like to admit. Chemistry is HUGE and intangible not to mention difficult to understand and even harder to explain. In my experience, as long as one person is feeling more, there is never an 'easy' way to let someone down. It just plain sucks unfortunately. The only thing you can do is be as kind and gentle and honest as possible but be prepared for the worst. If a friendship is meant to be, it will be otherwise, as we say in my career, 'thank and release'. It just is what it is.
Lurker
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I agree, be honest and up front with him. Of course he may be hurt, and he is entitled to his hurt and anger, as long as it's not directed at YOU. Just because you decide you don't want to go on another date with someone doesn't make you the bitch from hell. It is what it is. After only 2 dates I would expect him to accept your decision gracefully.
Active Ink Slinger
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I am not sure that you can. No matter how you do it, she or he will feel hurt and possibly rejected.
Alpha Blonde
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"I've really enjoyed getting to know you, but I just feel like the chemistry is off between us and that we'd be better off as friends."

This happens all the time. This is what the early dating stages are for. You might be attracted to someone - go on a date and realize you can't stand them. Or you might be lukewarm about a guy, and after a date or two, things click and you're hooked. What everyone is looking for is that unique spark or chemistry - there's no guarantees. Anyone who has dated more than a handful of human beings knows this intrinsically as well and won't fault you for it or make you feel guilty. Chemistry is a two-way street. It's not a big deal. Just be honest and pleasant about it. It's up to him if he's interested in forging a friendship though. A lot of people don't find much incentive in the 'friend zone' thing if they're really focused on finding a relationship. Others see dating in a more casual way and might welcome expanding their casual social circles.

If you've realized it's not there with this guy, then let him know sooner than later. Trust your instincts. At the same time - it's only been two dates, so don't sweat it. smile
Clumeleon
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Text: Thx bt no thx, bbz.
Lurker
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Trusting your instincts is the best way forward here in my view...hope it all works out well
Active Ink Slinger
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If I was thinking about calling off an relationship, there have been a couple of posts with some sound advice..unfortunately I find it to stressful.. So maybe we shouldn't go out ion the first pl;ace..,

My Deer-est Darling ,After giving our forth cum-ming relationship a few seconds of thought, Eye sea know possible future for us, Their is know room inn my heart four your husband,Nor wood ewe bee able two furnish me with the new toys I sew desire..For instance , the same type of tank Buz wants.. Taco accelerator describe by WMM.

John Liked what you posted.. Ash your first line would be very effective, in stating reason , but the hurt will remain..
Active Ink Slinger
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Hmmm.... I've done this before more than once...

"It hurts but we have to end this, I dnt feel connected with u the way u want me to be,... It's better for u to find some one who is better than I am... I still do like u but jus as a friend... If u hate me now, that's okay because ur hurt, but I will always be there as ur friend to help in anything u need. "

That usually gets to them, and I'm friends with all my exs.. except a few...
Be who you are and say Wat you feel
because
those who mind, don't matter.
And who matter don't mind.

so

Sex, is nature.
And, I believe in going along with nature