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How do you convince your wife to try swapping or swinging? Options · View
Posted: Wednesday, March 6, 2013 7:06:39 PM

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Posted: Thursday, March 7, 2013 8:29:11 AM

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If she is not even warm to the idea, plain and simple..........you don't.

If you honestly think she requires some "convincing" to partake in either one of those acts, you are heading down a very slippery slope. At times fantasies are best left as well fantasies.

Push too hard and you will either find yourself divorced, or have a long stretch of forced abstinence!

The night that changed my life, a four part series of a married man lusting after his co-worker

Posted: Thursday, March 7, 2013 9:08:26 AM

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You just take her to the swinger party and let her start to realize what is happening. When the girl you get starts to hang on you and your wife starts to look you with a puzzled face laced with anger, you start to fondle this new chick. Hopefully the new chick's man will cut your wife off from beating you and at that moment you look her right in the eye and say. "Don't fuck this up for me bitch." She will probably be pissed at you and fuck the guy out of spite. Hopefully he is good and she likes it kinda. SO now you fucked some strange and your wife fucked around too so she won't be able to say shit. Mission accomplished.

Posted: Thursday, March 7, 2013 10:28:40 AM

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Posted: Thursday, March 7, 2013 10:36:53 AM

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What Dudealicious said.
Posted: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:13:00 AM

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Take it from someone who knows. Don't push this issue! It will leave her feeling very unwanted and that she is not enough. Like Dudealicious said, if it takes convincing, it will end badly.

Posted: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:18:25 AM

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Not married, but any relationship is similar. I agree with those who say if you need to convince, don't go there. Bad karma, man.
Posted: Thursday, March 7, 2013 12:18:21 PM

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There are two issues she might need persuasion on:

1) She has always had a swinging fantasy but not had the courage to try

2) The has no interest in swinging / swapping

If the reason is (1) then you might be able to persuade her to overcome her inhibitions but she is unlikely to enjoy it unless she is into women somewhat as it is mostly the women who pair up first and their partners follow.

The swinging scene is not like the poly scene. There are some who do both but most swingers aren't poly and most poly don't swing. In the US the swinging scene tends to be rather older and often obnoxiously conservative. Plenty of people are completely open to their partner having sex with others but don't want to do that themselves. The BDSM scene is totally different again and there are some who will seriously argue that mere penetration of a vagina by a penis during a scene isn't 'sex' (go figure).

Posted: Thursday, March 7, 2013 12:24:34 PM

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I agree with the majority here and I'm sure others will say the same. If you need to convince her then you shouldn't be asking her. If she is willing then there should be no question about 'convincing' her. As Dudealicious said fantasies are sometimes best left as just that! Also just because someone fantasises about something, it does not mean they would actually go through with it for real.

There is only one life so make the most of it and enjoy every second because if you miss the chance it may never come back!
Posted: Thursday, March 7, 2013 1:16:39 PM

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Just from how you worded your question, it seems you have doubt as to her answer being one you want hear. If this is something she has never brought up or hinted around to wanting and you "try" to convince her, you will do nothing but make her feel inadequate. That she is not enough for you. That will indeed end badly for your relationship not to mention what it will do to her psyche and her emotional well being. I speak from experience, that feeling inadequate is a heart and mind crushing feeling. I would suggest you think twice and maybe three times before even approaching the subject with her. Good Luck to you.

Posted: Thursday, March 7, 2013 1:29:13 PM

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You don't. If she doesn't wanna, she's not gonna. And if you keep pushing her, you're gonna have even bigger problems.

I'm here for a good time, not a long time.
Posted: Thursday, March 7, 2013 2:08:42 PM

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I'm with everyone else and I know what I am talking about. If you need to persuade her it isn't going to happen
Posted: Thursday, March 7, 2013 2:08:46 PM

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No one has convinced me to join this site. I have searched it, even if I didn't know that this particular site existed.

To swing she has to get completely undressed, by herself of by another man. She has to be naked and she has to bang (how you want to put it) or be banged by another man. Another man penis has to penetrate her, possibly in all or her different cavities.

I know it sounds so awful how I put it, that's because something is missing. When you pair what's missing with the above, than and only than it would sound like most of the stories here or like it sounds now in your head. So if she gets that, than you can go ahead.

How does she get it? The same way how you have it now, (that is if you feel that you can do it for sure). No one put it in your head, how are you going to put in her head? Sorry buddy!

Have you told her that you feel it would be sooo hot and cool to see her doing it with another man?

Why don't you visit this siteswinglifestyle.com with her and start from there.

Choose n Practice Happiness

Life is simple; we are what we eat and what we read. Talk is superfluous.
Posted: Thursday, March 7, 2013 5:56:13 PM

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A few more thoughts on this:

You didn't mention WHY you wanted to swing with your wife. Is it just because you want to have sex with other people? Because you want HER to have sex with other people? Is it because you think it will spice up your life, her life, or your relationship? What are your reasons? What's the motivation? Swinging -- that is essentially, free casual sex with sometimes strangers or acquaintances -- is the hedonist's dream state. Would you be jealous of her having sex with men who are better endowed, better looking, higher on the social scale? Would you disrespect her if she was having sex with overweight, sloppily-dressed, men on a lower social ladder rung? Would you still take care of her sexual needs when you weren't swinging at the time? Do you think only other "hot people" swing or do you realize they come in all sizes, shapes, and personalities? Especially if you join a swing club or go to a swing resort. Lots of questions. Have you considered them? Got answers?
Posted: Saturday, March 9, 2013 4:59:01 AM

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I agree with those who say that if she needs convincing, DON'T. This type of thing is not like getting someone to try a food they may not like. Sexual issues and situations are bells that not only can't be un-rung but they can lead to resentment, jealousy, and other very negative feelings.... that many times never go away.

I also agree that there are just some fantasies best left at that, fantasies.
Posted: Saturday, March 9, 2013 2:15:41 PM

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There is no "convincing" unless you're angling to put an end to your trusting relationship. Swinging takes more trust than anything else in your marriage outside of parenting. Both parties must be 100% convinced that it is the best adventure for the next stage of your sexual experience together, otherwise it will result in a disaster.

"If you knew what you were doing you would probably be bored."

Posted: Sunday, March 10, 2013 2:49:32 AM

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I totally agree with everyone stating that "convincing" have no place here.
And you must understand the insecurity the question may create in her: do you not love her anymore? Is she not attractive enough for you. Trying til "convince" can damage your relatinship very much.
But there remains the question of maybe she is interested but do not dare to broach the sublect (for musch of the same reasons?). Or maybe she has not given it any thought. You may have an idea of her attitude by her openness til sex and experimation between the two of you, her willingness to see porn or read erotic stories with you and her reactions to it. This could be moments to ask "do this seem fun?" Always with an angle of mutually pleasure, just as much for her. By dipping slowly and carefully into the subject using time, you may find out where she stands or may be moving in the subject. If you understand that she is against it - drop it and do not let coercion and "convincing" make a negative impact on your own relationship and sex life with your wife.
Posted: Sunday, March 10, 2013 1:34:26 PM

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What's funny is that men who have not really researched the lifestyle think that it is all the sex and orgy all for their benefit. Many are hugely disappointed to discover that once they dip their toes in it, they learn that the women control most of the sexual power - and the vast majority of time, the lifestyle is about fulfilling her needs, not some randy opportunity to jack it into someone's wife. Guys like that are often shunned and, trust me, word gets around fast in the close-knit community.

If you want a better understanding of "swinging" I suggest you read the book The Lifestyle by author Terry Gould. The one thing that modern "swinging" is not is the stereotype of shag carpet basements and gold fish bowls filled with car keys.

"If you knew what you were doing you would probably be bored."

Posted: Thursday, April 11, 2013 9:40:39 PM

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You dont, simple. Like others have said before me, if she needs convincing then your setting yourself up for disaster. Try putting the shoe on the other foot and imagining how you would feel if she told you she wants to swap or swing, you made find it a bit of a kick in the balls that she wants more than just you.
Posted: Saturday, April 20, 2013 10:13:23 AM

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Location: Northern California, United States
The posters above are right. Take it from someone who has been in the lifestyle practically 30 years now!

We have many friends who are very active in the lifestyle and were never interested until being introduced to it.
Usually it was at the urging of the wife and the husband kept the desires to himself until it was brought up and discussed.
This is the key thing! Open and Honest Communications!
If you don't have it to begin with, you will never have a successful and lasting experience in the lifestyle!

Another situation we have seen is when a Husband and wife roleplay themselves while watching porn or reading stories together and they discuss the fantasies and eventually decide together to check it out. From there, they can search out local clubs and open members nights and just find a group to meet with and see if they have the right chemistry.

If this is just your fantasy and you are talking to us on a forum about it, I see you not having the communication that is so necessary to have a great and lasting experience with your wife.


Posted: Saturday, April 20, 2013 11:50:02 AM

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Sword Fight You dont convince a woman to swing.swap,or try a threesome. You have to do alle the things that make her feel sexual, then hope she wants to try some thing that is more sexual then just the normal sex.The way it happened with me, is he never said one word about it ... i did ...its in my story in lush, wife lovers ... so i wont try to explain it .
Just have to be the right time, person, und couple..
Posted: Sunday, April 28, 2013 4:46:40 PM

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My wife was the one who said she wanted to fuck my friend, It took me awhile to agree to it as she had had a affair with another guy and it bothered me quite abit but we talked about it and it made me hot when she told me how they had had sex, so when she wanted me to watch her get fucked I said ok, Boy I loved it, I wanted my friend to come up and fuck her every day, She had other guys fuck her too, enjoyed all of it but it might not be for all.
Posted: Monday, August 19, 2013 1:30:22 AM

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IN my mind, I keep returning to the question of how this question came to be here. It seems as if you are looking for something different, and perhaps she is not. Maybe you have to ask yourself the hard questions.

"There's only three tempos: slow, medium and fast. When you get between in the cracks, ain't nuthin' happenin'." Ben Webster
Posted: Monday, September 23, 2013 4:43:30 PM

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Yeeeeeah....If she doesn't like the idea, don't push it.
Posted: Friday, October 18, 2013 9:03:43 PM

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You dont.
Posted: Sunday, October 20, 2013 7:36:08 PM

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Why would you want to manipulate a person you are supposed to love?
Posted: Thursday, August 14, 2014 8:06:24 AM

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I would suggest that you divorce. I felt exactly like your wife until I was single again -- then the rules changed!
Posted: Thursday, August 14, 2014 9:21:21 AM

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It took three weeks of persuasion about swinging but I finally talked my girlfriend into swapping. She left home with a 1957 Dodge and came home with a 2014 BMW.
Posted: Monday, October 13, 2014 6:46:55 AM

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Joined: 10/12/2014
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As many posters already said, I would not suggest you to convince her.

Furthermore, I have a simple rule. Luckily I have some experience in swinging and group sex, but I would never do it with my wife. Actually I would not do it with a girl I have a serious emotional attachement. I found group sex great fun. Oh may, I remember some fantastic group sex in german swinger clubs, but just a thought that GF I am emotionally firmly attached to me might replace me by someone from such orgy ... Honestly I couldn't stand it. Maybe it is a bit hipocritic of me, but that's how it is with my feelings. When sex is concerned I thing we must be honest in accepting our feelings.
Posted: Thursday, December 11, 2014 7:02:56 PM

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I am unsure of your choice of words in that do you mean how do you introduce the fantasy? or do you mean your wife is dead set against it and you are trying to get her to want to try it?

If it is option 1 ...

Start with a toy, you can introduce it to your sex play it can be something simple, take it out and even give it a name ... and see how she reacts. If you have shared erotica with her (or watch erotic movies) try some with swinging or with the wife going off with another man and see what her reaction is (is she turned on, is she more amorous ...) if she doesn't enjoy it then stop and just keep it a fantasy.

If it is option 2 ...

It will never end well don't try.
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