There was an interesting thread started last week which I wanted to respond to. Unfortunately it was been taken down before I had the chance and before I had logged the OP’s details.
The OP said that he had enjoyed an active sex life with his wife until the birth of their son but that since then she had rejected him sexually. He went on to say that they had not had sex for 13 years. The OP stated that he liked all other aspects of his marriage and was questioning whether he was alone or whether other men were having a similar experience.
With-holding sex is a common form of passive/aggressive behaviour. Whether it is done consciously or sub-consciously it is a way of gaining control. Typically one party waits for the other to initiate sex and then has the control over whether it takes place or not. By using their veto and rejecting the advances they are establishing their ability to control.
Passive/aggressive behaviour is demonstrated by people who feel that they have little or no control over their lives. It is more common in women but many men suffer from such a need to be in control too.
It is a form of mild depression which in this case may or may not have been triggered by post-natal depression. Other common examples of passive/aggressive behaviour include OCD, over-eating to the point of obesity, anorexia/bulimia, isolating the sufferer’s partner from friends and family and being a terrible back seat driver!
Googling passive/aggressive behaviour leads to quite a few web-sites. Almost all of the commentaries I have read seem to suggest that there are few options available for couples within a relationship where one party is with-holding sex in this way. It seems to be not whether the relationship will end but when.
NB for behaviour read behavior if you live on the wrong side of the pond.
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