My wife, for medical reason, can no longrer have intercourse. She still give the greatest oarl in the world but feel bad about not being able to fill my other needs. She has said I couls go outside and find some to fill my other needs. There is my problem. I have the drive but Ipromised to be faithfull till death do us part. I am to old fashion ? I have brought up the idea of bringing some in for both of us an that did not go over to well. Some help please or advise ???
I am not a gal, but my views are this......
If she has told you to look outside your relationship to fill that need, you are not being "unfaithful" to her. In fact, you are doing as she asks you to do. However, if YOU have an issue with that, then that is another story. Just also know that unless it is a prostitute, there will be the chance that you may become emotionally attached to this other woman.
If she didn't like the idea that you bring someone in for both of you, IMO she is not comfortable with you being with someone else, but if you don't do it in front of her, she can deal with that. Or at least she may think she can. This is a dangerous thing IMO and could lead to other relationship problems.
This was all just short and quick given the lack of any other information to go on.... good luck.
I have to also add though, that most Religions consider sexual obligations as just that, obligations. They are things we expect from our partners and are commanded to provide. If we can not, this does not eliminate the obligation. And often times taking a sexual partner outside a marriage because of a need to fill a physical requirement (both for purely sexual as well as for child bearing) is not unheard of, nor expressly shunned. Just another twist to it that a lot of folks don't seem to realize. And this outside partner/experience is not a blemish or contradiction to the vows taken, but a way to fulfill them.... in a not so traditional way.
That being said, it does sound like there are some hesitations involved, and this is on both parts. While she may be saying to go do it, it is clear that she does not want to KNOW about it or be involved (from what I am reading into it... I could be wrong). These situations can be tricky, but I have heard of them many times.
As Wellmade Male has said - not enough information - is the problem going to be permanent or not for instance? It only temporary then things could get very complicated. But I am not speaking from a moral point of view as most morality is just a convenient method of control and full of hypocrisy, what matters is how you and your partner organise your relationship for your and her comfort not what any social norm dictates.
I will agree that there isn't enough information for any of us to give you a thorough and well rounded answer, however, from a woman's perspective, the apparent permission granted by your wife to take on lovers outside of your marriage, I fear is an empty one not to mention a loaded one. I'm going to assume from your post, albeit pretty vague, that you both love each other very much and, up to this point, had a good or decent sex life. Being the loving and dutiful wife I would assume her to be, she probably feels tremendous guilt that she may not be able to please you in the ways you may come to need at some point - an awesome blowjob only goes so far after a while - and feels amost 'obligated' to offer up the free pass. The fact that she does not want to know anything about it and/or want to include a third person in your bed, screams out insecurity and fear as well as a deserpate need for denial in order to make peace with her decision to allow this in the first place. I suspect that deep down, she doesn't want this at all and perhaps in some way may even be testing you to see how you will handle things. It's a very tricky and difficult and complicated situation and ultimately, no one here can really give you a 'right' answer as to how or what to do. It must come from you and your wife and perhaps further discussion even if it's to find other more creative ways to stay sexually connected and faithful at the same time. I sincerely wish you the very best.
The mere fact that you are conflicted and asking the question shows that you feel it's cheating...and that's really all that matters. Please don't do anything that violates your core values and beliefs.
I thank you all for coments and insights. Once I take a vow or make a promise, I keep it. I know she wants me to be able to have my freedom when it comes to this part of my sex life but, with they way I am made, I just do not think I can stray off the homestead. Again, thanks and any other comments are welcome.
bbman, I can't imagine what it's like to go through something like this, I wish you and your wife much peace, love and happiness for the future.
i would not... for one can say that you may stray but in actuality it may end your marriage
so unless her vagina has been sewn up i would suggest both of you keep looking for medical help..please..please get a second opinion
but as others have said you have not given us the whole story...
so no one can give you advice that will help you...
except this..do not stray ok...i have a feeling that she WILL care...
