I was 39, she was 38.
2 very young children ( their father abandoned them and their mother 2 years before ) who I had grown to care a great deal for and they...it seemed to me...(cared the same).
Their Mom ditched me for another man...and called me on December 24th (of a morning) to inform me of such.
"My children still love you, so please do not make a scene, but I do not think you and I have a positive future together. You may come by and pick up your gifts tomorrow (the 25th)..Please do not make a scene, I implore you."
The back story?
I had accidentally caught Mom with another man on December 23rd...wrapping gifts. She and I lived 2 miles apart from one another. I tried to give her - her 'room' to breathe. We'd only been dating since late October of that year.
She was already seeing a man who lived about 2 hours driving distance from her home.
I fell for her kinks...
She judged me as inept for her ongoing $upport.
He, as I came to learn later...admittedly made a good bit more a year, than I did (or ever would).
Was she gold digging?
She had been dating 'Bill' for 2 years, and me - for a bit more than 2 months.
I still hate her for doing THAT to her kids (and me). We had no way of knowing.
Am I fucked in the head...for harboring hatred against her?
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
I can understand your anger and bitterness. What she did was fucked up and selfish. That being said, by your own admission you had only been together two months. That is still early enough that you were probably more infatuated with her then IN love and you obviously became very attached to the children. Her timing sucked greatly and I can only imagine the confusion it caused the kids if they were expecting to spend Christmas with you. Now, that was how long ago and you are still giving that selfish woman the power to control your emotions and potentially ruin your holiday. She may well be a gold digger and if so be grateful you were able to walk away before you had been with her much longer and the kids had started calling you Dad! Don't hate her for her choice; forgive her for being less of a woman than you deserved. And count your blessings for having walked away the better man.
Hugs and kisses!
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer. ~Swami X
Spot On Ivy!! You're better off brother - like the song says, 'Thank God for un-answered prayers'.
WMM
You must forgive her, although I am certain she does not give a shit about your forgiveness, it is for YOU. If you harbor a hatred such as this it will always adversely affect how you feel on Christmas morning. Move on and thank your lucky stars that little miss looking for a handout is not your responsibility.
You know... They say it takes half the time you were together to get over someone. True, some of us feel things deeper than others. Im one of them... But 11 years? Smoke a joint and relax man. And if that fails, shit in a paper bag, light it on fire and place it on that rich fucks doorstep. He'll fuck up his $500 dollar loafers and his rug from pottery barn.
Fascinating replies on this topic. OK ... maybe I'm not understanding the gravity of the situation and I love being fucked on any celebration day - but being 'fucked up' is another matter. I'd suggest let bygones be bygones, we only have one life and by harbouring grudges and the want for revenge ... sweet as it may be .... it doesn't do us any good and as you waste your future life nothing good comes out of it.
Man, what can I say........
I've followed you here for some years and while I don't always get your sometimes abrasive style your comments and the wry sense with which you treat what we here do never ceases to amuse me and make me think.....
About a month ago, my own (On/off) heart's desire declared that she has become involved with someone else with whom she plans a future..... That future means that we can't remain friends. This has hurt me more than I thought it might. A dream, (perhaps a silly dream) has been lost to me..... I'm just about coping...... The pain is just below unbearable. She was my best friend, (and how silly to be in love with your best friend..... There has to be a delicious distance between lovers......)
Let me say this......
Your intelligence, your humour, your confidence, your eloquence, your frankly good looks (!), your laughter at your own considerable, and deserved ego, your consideration for even those members you disagree with, your willingness to help new members, and I was one, your constant ability to be HONEST on a site where many are not, your beautiful acceptance of the way life doesn't always treat us as we might deserve, your own self-knowledge, and your ability to know and accept yourself..... The good, (and it's mostly good) and the occasional pain......
I feel for you.
But you're you...... And everything I've ever heard from you makes me wish we might hang out...... In another world......
You're a guy I'd love to hang with and shoot the shit...... We'd argue, but we'd laugh as we did so......
You're a nice Man. This thing will pass......
I send you fond thoughts and my Regard and Respect......
xx SF
I find that holidays in general run higher risks for getting fucked over than one would initially think.
1. It causes people to think about and re-evaluate their major relationships and if something isn't working, it gives them the itch to bail rather than fake the implications of spending the holidays together and/or involving their friends and family in meeting and forming deeper relationships with a boyfriend/girlfriend that isn't going to be sticking around for the long run.
2. If a person is playing two people at the same time, they have to pick only one to spend the holidays with and chuck the other, unless they can do some creative time-juggling. Telling someone who thinks you are exclusive with them that you're 'busy' at Christmas and New Years tends to raise red flags.
It does suck, but I think it's always a worse fate to be spending the holidays with someone that's noticeably faking it and mentally checked out of the relationship. That tends to fuck you up worse later when you have to start questioning everything. I would always prefer being told upfront every time.
Yep me and my girl christmass day morning,totaly amazing !!!
I think there are many of us who have been "fucked over" and "used and discarded" by someone who didn't value us.
I think that there are also many who feel guilty that they "did that" to someone.
And then, there are those you wish Karma would smash them in the face for their callous behaviour, because you doubt they "feel any remorse".
Holidays (birthdays, Christmas, whatever you celebrated together) are tough times, because we tend to examine parts of our pasts that we just don't understand.
Wellmademale - you are not alone. One day you will shrug at the memory and say, "her loss" and "I am lucky!".
Happy New Year!!
It really sucks the way it happened, especially having it happen on Christmas, but in the long run you are better off. I think she is a golddigger and this other guy will probably find that out. I know it is easier said than done, but dont hate her, feel sorry for her. She will live a very empty life and eventually her kids will realize what kind of mom they have.
BTW, I always find it funny how all these threads seem to change from talking about someones problem to other posters getting blow jobs and enjoying a "magic pussy". God I Love Lush!!! LOL
I actually got fucked over one Christmas morning too...
I had been seeing this guy for a while (years and years ago) and he turned out to be a bit of a psycho. We split up (believe me, that took some doing, he was fucking tenacious) and he started behaving even more oddly than he had when we'd been together...
It had been a couple of months since we'd split and he was stalking me - it was quite scary - wherever I was, I'd see him in his car. One night I came out to my own car after work (in a nightclub) and my car was covered in roses. Then a few weeks later I came out to find the brake pipes on my car had mysteriously been severed.
I would go from the sitting room of my flat out into the hall and my letterbox would slam closed and I'd hear him running down the stairs...
Seriously, it was frightening.. I actually started getting people to come and stay with me as I was terrified of being alone...
It was a few months later and it all seemed to have calmed down. Christmas eve, I was working in the club and there had been this guy who'd been chatting me up for quite some time and we went back to my place for a little fun (I pretty much felt it was like a Christmas present to myself - I knew my Christmas would be quiet because my folks had recently moved abroad and I was all alone)
We had a fun night (lol), then, next morning, I heard a noise at my door. I went to see what it was and it was my crazy ex - he'd decided to come and make me a Christmas breakfast and was in the process of unscrewing the letterbox so that he could reach his hand through to unlock the door.
I told him to fuck off, but he wouldn't, so I called the police, but by the time they arrived, he'd actually kicked in my door, threw the eggs all over my hallway along with the other food, dragged my 'friend' out of bed, and given him a bit of a kicking.
I actually broke my phone, hitting him with it, trying to get him off this poor guy.
The police came and took him away and he got charged with breaking and entering and assault.
I was plagued with nightmares for years afterwards, and I'd still catch him, following me in his car sometimes.
The last time I saw him was about 11 or so years ago, I was with my husband and about 8 months pregnant and he drove past us at a shopping mall - again, I had nightmares for a while after...
Haven't seen him since, but I heard he knocked down and killed a kid.
I'd actually put this out of my memory until I read this thread - dunno if that is as bad as what you went through WMM, but I can honestly say it was the worst Christmas I ever had... *shudders* (kind of therapeutic writing about it, I've never done that before)
@OP no your not. Just a bad scenario with a bad person. Just a gold digger. and gold diggers gonna dig.
not your fault, don't remember where I heard it but "bitches be crazy"
My last breakup fucked my head up good. I can't imagine how it would have felt on christmass eve. All I say is that losing someone you love is like having your arm ripped off. There is probably never a right day for it to happen.
I blame the wine, one shouldn't let the wine type).
