When people ask you what happened or questions you about your ex, how do you handle them?
In the throes of post-relationship mayhem, you may develop a strong urge to tell all your mutual friends how he/she was the reincarnation of Satan and how you know they "will be alone forever" because they are "so screwed up".
Here are some quick tips on how to handle the aftermath in a positive way:
1. Do not use your friends as a free therapist.
Yes, your friends are there to comfort you in your time of need and talk you through relationship disasters and meltdowns but please don't take advantage of this to the point where all you can talk about for weeks on end is your ex, what happened and why you hate them. Those endless updates when he/she calls, emails, or picks a post-break-up fight are at the forefront of your mind (understandably so), but don't forget that your friends are there to cheer you up and help you get over things in a positive way. If you are extremely distraught and can't seem to get over an ex, just be aware of how much air time you give them when you are hanging out with friends. If you find it's taking up the bulk of your interaction with friends and family, you might want to consider going to an actual therapist who will be happy to listen to you for as long as you need to talk about it.
2. Try to be classy about the breakup, even if your ex is not.
Eventually this break-up (with time) will settle into a distant place in your past. The emotions and anger will diminish and you will no longer be invested in the situation. Try to remember that when you talk about your ex publicly (with friends and family). Dragging their name through the mud and spilling all sorts of sordid details about them in an effort to make them look bad will probably come back to haunt you. You want to come across as classy as possible. Trust me, you will look better to everyone involved if you do that. Telling anyone who will listen how your ex-bf likes to snort cocaine, how you once found gay porn on his computer and how his finances are a total wreck will end up making you look just as bad. Even if he was an absolute monster to you, the important thing to remember is that the best revenge is in how you handle it and how smoothly you are able to move past everything and get on with your life.
3. The importance of the sensitivity chip.
Jennifer Aniston famously said that Brad Pitt was missing a sensitivity chip when he dumped her for La Jolie. If you have done the dumping, please be aware that you have probably hurt or emotionally devastated your ex. Give them some time (think of it as a grace period) before flaunting your new guy or girl in their face and around your social circle. Just because it's officially over doesn't mean three hours later you should be introducing all your friends and family to the new love of your life. Not only does it make it obvious that you were phasing out your ex at the same time as you were nurturing a new relationship (ie. cheating) but it also makes you look like an ass. Your common friends will probably be a bit uncomfortable about this so don't put them in the middle of the mess by asking them to accept this new person right away. Take a bit of a social breather as a 'single person' even if there is someone else already in the picture. Go slow and keep things discreet until a bit of 'healing time' passes.
4. When looking back on the past, be gracious about the memories.
After some time has passed, try to honor what you did have with your ex by saying simple things like "in the end we were just a mismatch" or "it just didn't work out". There is no need to go into detail with people about how she gained too much weight, or he got lazy and boring or how the sex was horrible and meaningless.
Take this little recent public reflection by Brad Pitt as a big 'no-no' on what not to do. Play nice and remember karma will probably one day come back to bite you in the ass if you don't.
Quote by [url=http://www.hollyscoop.com/brad-pitt/brad-pitt-my-marriage-to-jennifer-aniston-was-pretending-it-was-something-it-wasnt.html
Brad Pitt[/url]]
Brad Pitt says he spent his marriage to Jennifer Aniston "pretending" it was something that it wasn't and that the two were living a very uninteresting life before he met Angelina Jolie. You hear that? That is the sound of Jennifer Aniston's eggs drying up and the soft clink of the padlock of the crate that Jennifer Aniston keeps Justin Theroux locked inside.
Brad Pitt said that before his life became perfect (i.e. meeting Angelina, shopping for babies, not caring about his facial hair AT ALL) he was just some dumb hot 90's celeb, smoking weed and pretending he was in a happy marriage with Jen. The "Moneyball" star did something he's not used to, he opened up to a tabloid about his personal life. He tells the magazine Parade:
"I spent the '90s trying to hide out, trying to duck the full celebrity cacophony. I started to get sick of myself sitting on a couch, holding a joint, hiding out."
Apparently, Brad hated this lifestyle, "It started to feel pathetic," he says, "It became very clear to me that I was intent on trying to find a movie about an interesting life, but I wasn't living an interesting life myself. I think that my marriage [to Jennifer Aniston] had something to do with it. Trying to pretend the marriage was something that it wasn't."
"One of the greatest, smartest things I ever did was give my kids Angie as their mom. She is such a great mom. Oh man, I'm so happy to have her."
5. Don't become a post-relationship stalker
If you still entertain ideas about how this breakup is just a phase and that one day you will probably get back together, then your behaviour during this breakup is more important than ever. That means avoid social stalking and endless emails/texts/phone-calls until they 'come to their senses' and realize what they lost. Remember that they can't realize anything until you are actually out of the picture. If you are brave enough to consider another relationship round with them one day in the future, how you handle yourself during this post-break-up will be very telling. If you dissolve into an emotional mess constantly, cry, threaten suicide, beg them for another chance and try to find ways to get more 'face time' with them in the hopes that they will change their mind then think about the kind of image you are projecting to them. Would you want to date you based on your current behaviour? Try to present yourself in a classy and rational way and find some closure (for now). Who knows what might happen in the future, but showing your ex that you are strong, happy and able to move on from the past will definitely let you shine in a positive light.
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