Join the best erotica focused adult social network now
Login

Threesome Rules

last reply
17 replies
8.5k views
0 watchers
0 likes
Dancing_Doll
Alpha Blonde
0 likes
For those of you who have had threesomes, or would like to (where you are part of the original couple, and inviting in a third person), here are a couple of interesting questions. I notice they tend to vary when I ask people, so I'm curious to hear more opinions.

1. Do you have any rules that you set out beforehand and what are they? (eg. are there physical limits you set out such as levels of penetration or kissing etc?)

2. If you are part of a couple, does it matter who approaches the third party?

3. Do you have a preference over finding a stranger versus someone you already know (eg. a friend).

4. Are you only open to one kind of threesome (MFM or FFM?) or is it anything goes...?

5. How do you typically search for your third person?
sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
0 likes
hmm... some idle thoughts.

1. Most of the 3sums i've been involved in have been impromtu - i do a lot of public play and it's been a serendipitous encounter with a third party who sort of fits in, sometimes a new partner. That said, in a planned encounter, i think it would be important to set limits - i know there are times when i've had to say no to someone wanting to join in, due to issues of myself or my partner. as for something preplanned, i think it's always important to set limits. speaking for myself, i have a few issues with things that might not seem like a big deal to someone else. Anal sex, for example. also, i find that it's kind of important to make sure that all 3 parties are equally into each other, otherwise someone ends up feeling left out - also, it's nice to establish a rhythm of posting so not everyone is posting over the top of each other - which can be conFUSING! smile

oh, which reminds me, twosomes that suddenly become 3sums can be uncomfy is suddenly sprung on one partner - ASK first if so and so can join in, or, ask if you can join in and let BOTH partners agree before jumping in. :)

2. usually, when i am approached, i prefer being approached by someone i'm comfy with.

3. think i already answered this, but yes, i want to know at least ONE partner involved.

4. for me, anything goes. i'm bi, so i am comfy with both sexes. that said, i have sort of an exclusive relationship with a M here at present, and he's not comfy with me playing with other guys AND he is not bi, so i'm not likly to do anything but MFF or FFF here.

5. Best option is it being with someone you both find attractive and are comfortable with - i'd suggest, if this was a planned thing, to get to know each other a little before jumping into things. a few PMs or a little chat before hand would be preferable. :)

if i think of more, i'll add to this :)

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

Nikki703
Active Ink Slinger
0 likes
Since I am currently in a relationship with a girl, I will answer for that point of view.

1.We really don’t have any set rules. Sometimes we may both be with the 3rd person at same time, other times maybe one is watching and masturbating. We just are sure to never neglect each other.

2.No

3.No preference. But is less complicated if a stranger.

4.It will either be FFM or FFF. No real preference, but more often it will be all girls.

5.Usually don’t search, it just happens. May be out and meet someone we are both attracted to and is attracted to us. Usually if you go out looking for it, you end up with something not so good. Spontaneity makes it more exciting!
rxtales
Active Ink Slinger
0 likes
I haven't been involved in many threesomes, and the ones I have been in have involved two men. One time both of the men were straight and I found that to be uncomfortable. They almost didn't want to acknowledge each other so I felt like there was a lot of pressure on me to please both of them and myself.

I have also been in a couple of threesomes with bi men. That was a lot better. They both involved a very close friend/boyfriend/fuck buddy (one of those hard to classify relationships). One of the times it was with a mutual friend and the second time was with his friend who was a stranger to me. The third person being a mutual friend made things a bit awkward afterwards.

Hence, I would prefer to have a threesome with one person being someone I know and the other being a bit more distant. Also I think both other parties need to be into each other.
Dancing_Doll
Alpha Blonde
0 likes
I'm all for spontaneity, but when it comes to threesomes, I'm a firm believer that a couple should have some discussion beforehand about rules and expectations. I've always done that before bringing a third person into a sexual encounter when I'm in a relationship with someone.

The one time I was a third party, although there was a lot of alcohol involved, I remember some distinctly awkward moments because I wasn't sure how involved they wanted me in it. I was second guessing myself a bit, because without any direction, I remember being a little concerned I might do something to offend the other girl if I was too enthusiastic with her boyfriend. And let's face it... negotiating rules once you're in it, kinda spoils things. In that case, I relied on dirty talk and let them take the lead on directing the whole thing. But I wish we had talked about it beforehand.. I think it would have been even more fun.

The one MMF threesome I had was with a guy I was casually dating and his friend. They were both super straight, but unlike Rxtales, I think I enjoyed getting all the attention with that one... I like rising to the challenge of keeping them both going at the same time.

When it comes to bringing in another girl, my rules have always been that "I" get to choose the girl and arrange it. I know a few couples that have come to blows because they haven't followed this rule, because the guy was constantly on the prowl looking for a 'third girl' to bring in once he found out his girlfriend was open to threesomes. Suggesting your girlfriend's "hot friend" or constantly scoping other chicks at the bar when you are out together or on dates is a surefire way to create jealousy and relationship issues.

I've always made sure to pick another girl that I have some kind of connection to and who I know is into me, and that I'm into her. As other people mentioned, it's important that all parties are into each other. And I like having a connection with a girl that I know I can vibe with, and is respectful of what I want and what I don't. As for physical rules... I don't want my man kissing her... but other than that, I'm down for anything. I find kissing a rather intimate act... more so between a man and a woman. It's bizarre that way... that a man loves watching two women making out... but somehow it's about the only thing that would bother me in terms of what I'd want to see my guy doing with another girl in a consensual threesome.

As far as where to meet a third person... I've always just found girls rather easily. I seem to attract them, so it's always been an acquaintance or "quasi-friend" that I've met on the scene. I'm fine with casual friends, but I prefer to avoid threesomes with close friends. For me the ideal situation is someone that we'd meet on vacation, or someone that's disconnected enough from our immediate life, that I'm not going to be running into them constantly in the same social circles.
sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
0 likes
oh, i need to point out that i answered this as in regards to online threesomes... offline is a WHOLE different set of answers, Doll... is that what you're interested in? if so, i'd be happy to make another post in response. smile

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

Dancing_Doll
Alpha Blonde
0 likes
Quote by sprite
oh, i need to point out that i answered this as in regards to online threesomes... offline is a WHOLE different set of answers, Doll... is that what you're interested in? if so, i'd be happy to make another post in response. smile


Yes Kitty... I was talking about real life...

It's ok though... that was some good info about online threesomes as well!

All sharing of knowledge and experience is good as far as I'm concerned...
sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
0 likes
k, real life threesomes....

Since you've already stated that your not big on the whole sponteneity thing, i'll give you my thoughts on having a planned threesome, something i have had a bit of experience with - my last partner and i had an open relationship, and indugled in a number of 3-ways. for the record, she was female, and they all involved either another girl, or a guy.

1. A simple yes. I would suggest, once finding a parnter that you were BOTH interested who has agreed to be involved, you should set up a dinner date or such, find a comfortable enviorment and discuss what everyone is comfortable with. Be honest here. if you THINK you might be comfy with something, but aren't sure, then yellow light it. Make sure you are all on the same page as far as what is allowed and what isn't allowed, as well as what you all particularly enjoy. If Bob loves anal and Linda loves anal, but Fred hates it, then decide if Fred is ok with Bob giving Linda Anal, etc. Be very clear on this. If it's an ongoing thing, everyone will also pick up on the little things, such as what underwear pleases both your partners, positions, etc. But that comes with time. The first time, just make sure the big issues are covered. Nothing is more of a turn off then having someone screaming bloody murder over being tickled when the tickler had NO idea it was a no no.

2. i think it all depends on the dynamic of the couple approaching as to who actually asks. That said, i recemend both parites being present when approaching a third party, even if only one does the actuall talking. That way, your potential party knows you are both interested and he can get a good look at the two of you and know if he's physically attracted to both.

3. i am more comfortable with someone i am at least familiar with - if it's a friend of my partner, and not mine, that is enough for me, but one of us should know them well enough to trust them.

4. with me, i am open to anything. i like both men and women, so MMF MFF, or FFF are all perfectly fine. That said, if it's MMF, those work better with bi-boys. i prefer that all parties are equally into each other - rxtales summed it up perfectly. it's pretty easy to let your insecurities or jealousies take over if you begin to feel like the third wheel. i still remember one instance of rolling out of bed and making a sandwich in the kitchen while my partners went down on each other like cats in heat. Good sandwich, btw, but not good sex.

5. hmm... how do you search. With us, it has been someone that one or the other had been physically attracted to, often a fuck buddy - easy enough since we had an open relationship... she or i would simply say 'hey, i think so and so would be open to playing with us, mind if i ask?' if the answer was yes, we'd simply bring up the subject and see if they were interested. we eventually come up with a pair of trios that worked quite well, up to a point, one MFF and one FFF.

A few notes on trust:

Always use protection! obvious, yeah, but can't say it too much. smile

in one instance our our play mate was someone that i began to get vibes of envy from over time, she was very subtle about being cruel to me - it was someone my partner really enjoyed playing with too. the next time it was suggested she join us, i told my partner i was uncomfortable with her. nothing more was said, and she was never invited again. you need to trust that your partner will speak up if some one isn't right for them, and you have to trust that if you speak up, you'll be heard and paid attention to.

you had better be pretty secure about your relationship, cause don't forget, your partner is going to be fucking someone else, and usually, the 'new shiny partner' is going to be a HUGE turn on as opposed to the 'comfortable always there' partner.

if you don't trust your third enough to be in your house when you and your partner are both asleep, then you shouldn't trust them enough to have sex with them. if you are worried about them stealing your credit cards from your wallet while you're sleeping, forget it.

yes, there will be nervousness, but let it all go, relax, have fun, joke around a bit... a sense of humor BELONGS in the bed no matter how many people are sharing it. if you need a glass of wine to relax, then by all means, but don't get drunk.

think that exhausts my brain for now - hope that helps. :)

xoxo
kitty =^.^=

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

mercianknight
Active Ink Slinger
0 likes
Why oh why were you ladies not around when I was a strapping 25 year old...sighs....Oh well, maybe I'll get lucky.

As per DD's invite, let me add my tuppence:

1. Rules are VERY important. Sets the boundaries and, in my case, helps the 'third' person relax.

2. In my extremely limited experience, 'No', it does not matter who approaches the third party

3. My personal preference is for a vetted stranger to preserve anonymity and avoid any emotional attachments developing or awkward post 3-somes social situations. True, knowing the person makes many of the other aspects of a 3-some work better, but I just prefer the emotional distance.

4. I am open to both MMF and FFM. I have been blessed to be the invited 'M' to a few FF couples (not sure why) and it has been a blast to see the girls be able to gleefully carry on after I have been 'depleted'. The only time I have ever got close to a MMF (still on the 'to do' list) was again an invite, however, the other M was bi- and that made me too uncomfortable as a very, very hetero guy who is not the least bit curious.

5. How do you typically search for your third person? I couldn't answer this one because I never have. Call me cursed or blessed, but I have been the one to be approached..... apparently because of my open-minded attitude to things sexual. Go figure.

Hmmm! Good Q DD, but not sure I've offered anything much. Mind you, it may prompt more guys to post.
"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element

"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
Guest
Lurker
0 likes
There have to be rules, but the rules can be modified depending on our moods, the situation, and the likability of the third person involved. It must always be a stranger though, because we don't want to run the risk of damaging our relationship by involving someone whom we are friends with or are likely to come into contact with again. So far in our relationship we have limited ourselves to women we have met in clubs. I am always the one to approach them and most of the time they say they aren't interested. It is better to invite them for a drink and discuss it, which seems to work better. He might have more luck with approaching the women but that is not how we do it, at least so far. The girl has to be acceptable to us both, and has to be one I choose. This is always spontaneous. I see a girl that I am interested in and ask him if he'd like to try. Then I invite her over for a drink, we work our way up to the question, and I am always the one to ask. It helps if she is involved in TTWD, and if we are in a bondage club. Pubs are harder.

It isn't something that we do regularly, we did it several times before we married, but only a couple of times since, when the girl seemed really interesting, not just sexually, but as a person. Oddly, since we've married we've only been turned down once out of three times. When we were dating the odds were higher, but there was also more tries and in different locations. If the girl is into bondage we are both his subs, if she is a Domina, or just interested in playing one, I am topped by them both. Only if she is a sub, which has not been the case in most situations, does he have sex with her. He works very well with Dominas, but would have a problem with another Dom and I am not interested in male subs. We might have sex with another guy someday, but so far it isn't something that I've considered. I like being dominated by him, and loved being dominated by other men before I married him, but now being dominated by another man seems like cheating. Having him dominate another girl doesn't seem that way to me, and he loves it. I actually prefer being topped both partners to being a co-sub, but the couple of times we've done that I really had fun.

The one girl that we had a threesome with that wasn't interested in B/D wasn't nearly as much fun for me, and I'd really have to be coaxed into doing it again. He seemed to enjoy himself of course. That was before we married though and now that would feel like cheating too. Too much like third date sex.

I would really love involving one of my friends but that is something he has been unwilling to do even when we were dating, so I don't force the issue. He says that might be something to spice our lives when we're middle aged though. As far as straight sex goes, I have always liked MMF, at least when I was single. I think that I'm more capable of pleasing two men than one man is capable of pleasing me and another girl. The fun thing about having another girl is getting to touch them and have them touch me, and if we get horny enough we don't really need the man at all. I'd also like to be dominated by two women, but that wouldn't include him so it has to stay in my fantasies.

BigDaddyRich
Active Ink Slinger
0 likes
Quote by Dancing_Doll
For those of you who have had threesomes, or would like to (where you are part of the original couple, and inviting in a third person), here are a couple of interesting questions. I notice they tend to vary when I ask people, so I'm curious to hear more opinions.

1. Do you have any rules that you set out beforehand and what are they? (eg. are there physical limits you set out such as levels of penetration or kissing etc?)

2. Does it matter who approaches the third party?

3. Do you have a preference over finding a stranger versus someone you already know (eg. a friend).

4. Are you only open to one kind of threesome (MMF or FFM?) or is it anything goes...?

5. How do you typically search for your third person?

Guys are free to answer these questions as well...


1. I usually just them what rules they have. But I want to know what goes and what doesn't.
2. As long as it is agreed upon up front the it shouldn't matter. If not discussed in the rules.
3. If I'm at a party then strangers are OK. Just someone off Craig; List, no way. I would rather it be someone I know, with no drama.
4. Anything goes.
5. Usually I am the third person. When I had a partner, I let her decide. But their can be no jealously.

Thanks for letting guys join in.
Well that's just my opinion, sorry if you don't like.

BigDaddyRich
SweetPenny
Active Ink Slinger
0 likes
I haven't had a threesome in many years, but here are my answers...

1. I never had any rules or limitations
2. There were no rules about who should approach the 3rd party, but it was usually me for FFM threesome. For the one MMF threesome I had, it was my bf who approached his friend.
3. I preferred strangers or acquaintances. Not close friends. Things can get awkward.
4. I definitely preferred FFM or FFF
5. I would usually just meet a girl at a club. Or sometimes she would be a friend of a friend.

I was very close to a married couple where I was the 3rd one, and they definitely had rules. The main one being that hub was not allowed to have intercourse with me. We were together for a few years and then they (really she) changed their mind about that rule. But I said no because I was afraid things might get weird or she might regret her change of mind.
HotArjun
Rookie Scribe
0 likes
Quote by Dancing_Doll
For those of you who have had threesomes, or would like to (where you are part of the original couple, and inviting in a third person), here are a couple of interesting questions. I notice they tend to vary when I ask people, so I'm curious to hear more opinions.

1. Do you have any rules that you set out beforehand and what are they? (eg. are there physical limits you set out such as levels of penetration or kissing etc?)

2. Does it matter who approaches the third party?

3. Do you have a preference over finding a stranger versus someone you already know (eg. a friend).

4. Are you only open to one kind of threesome (MMF or FFM?) or is it anything goes...?

5. How do you typically search for your third person?

Guys are free to answer these questions as well...
Guest
Lurker
0 likes
This is probably too much information, but I would like to share my thoughts on this.

First off, I'm bisexual. I love women but occasionally lust for men. Anyway, I have only experienced and been interested in mmm threesomes. Fucking and getting fucked is about it. Very plain vanilla.

The thought of women when I'm with another man just doesn't work with me.

Other than that, threesomes can be AWESOME if you're with the right people.
Guest
Lurker
0 likes
I've never had a threesome where I was part of a couple.
I have had many threesomes. Mostly MMF but a couple of MFF
On both MFF occasions it was the woman that invited me
Nearly all MMF have been with strangers.
Both MFF were with women I already knew
I have never done the searching
mijnenig
Rookie Scribe
0 likes
I have used the rule that the rules for a threesome is that the three people involved set the rules for the encounter! No standard rules like golf because, frankly, each threesome I have been in was with different types of people. Hence, set rules depending on the wants of the people involved.

Speaking of threesomes - does anyone know of how I can contact people in the South Bay area of Los Angeles who are interested in threesomes with a bisexual mature man?? Looking for people who are in the age range of 50 - 80 years old?
Buz
The Linebacker
0 likes
I have never had anyone mention any rules when I've been in a threesome. If it is a MMF then I think there is a very well understood and unmentioned rule that the guys stay a safe enough difference from each other so that you don't accidently touch. In those they usually ended up being more of a tag team anyhow without the slapping of hands of course.
1Zratedgal
Active Ink Slinger
0 likes
I can only give you a snapshot of my perspectives on this.

Being active in the lifestyle for many years, requires some ground rules. One of which, spontaneous threesome with someone new is not acceptable. If it is someone that is from a known group of friends and is also known to be "clean" it is acceptable. If the person is new but not known to be proven clean, then condoms are required! No condom, No play!

If I am part of a couple, (either with my man or another woman), we all have our boundries and if not pre-established, we discuss them and agree during foreplay. We always establish the limits of pain and cleanliness.

If I am the third person, then I got to know what I am being expected to do before getting in on! And if I am not completed convinced that when I say NO!, Things will Stop! then I don't even let it go any furhter! No matter how Wet and Desireable the other two are! Couples, Women or whatever!

Kisses!

Steph