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i want the woman i left back ??? Options · View
Posted: Tuesday, May 15, 2012 11:19:14 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 7/28/2011
Posts: 16
Location: chichester
i recently broke up with my gf and got with someone else but im not in anyway happy as i was with my ex.. put it this way the sex with the new girlie isnt great but with my ex was amazing.. i met up with my ex the other night and she showed me what i been missing being as dirty as ever.. but now im trying to find away of breaking up with the new girl who seems to really fallen for me.. i hate hurting people and wanna find a nice way of doing so.. what do i dooo ?????
Posted: Tuesday, May 15, 2012 12:10:08 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/7/2011
Posts: 121
It appears that you are suffering from buyer's remorse.

This often happens when we leave one person for another without any down time in between. The new option will always seem like an upgrade because it's a shiny new plaything that you can project all your ideals onto, and you haven't really stopped to read the fine-print before buying into the idea that this girl is better than the girl you already have. Most of the time when we meet someone new, we're in a haze of expectations and excitement. We want to believe that this person is exactly the one meant for us and that we will be happier with them. The existing partner is someone you've been with for a while and the relationship probably feels predictable and dull. It's a reliable car but you long for that new-car smell.

So you trade-up.

And then you realize the new car isn't what you expected it to be at all.

This happens regularly in the dating world, and usually we just break up with the person and move on. It only becomes upsetting if you dumped someone for this new person and realize that your prior relationship wasn't so bad after all. Hindsight is always 20/20, as they say.

Think about this:

1. Are you the type who fears being alone? Are you thinking of being back with your ex-gf only because things don't seem to be working out with this new girl? Clearly there were problems in your old relationship that made you want to consider someone else and break up. Those problems still probably exist. What Olivia fears, to be blunt, is that you want your ex-gf back as a 'filler' until you can find the next best thing, and that you don't like being single. Plus you enjoy great sex (don't we all) but is that enough to make you want to go back to a broken relationship and work things out. Think of all the backpedalling and apologizing you'll have to do to win her back. There's a lot of emotional baggage that comes with re-starting an old relationship.

2. Does your ex-gf even want you back? Was she using you as a fuckbuddy or ex-sex? I have no doubt she was intent on showing exactly what you are missing out on during your tryst the other night. Girls like to do that, especially in the wake of being dumped for another girl. It's almost like a revenge-thing: 'have one more taste of what you will never have again'. It could be that she wants you back, but I would clarify this point before you make any sudden moves. Personally, if I was your ex, I would play things so that you dumped the current girl, grovelled back to me, and then I'd laugh and leave you out in the cold - but perhaps I am more vengeful than many other trusting lasses. It's something to be aware of as a possibility, but only you know your sexy-ex best, how her mind works and what she's capable of.

3. Despite leading you through these questions, it's obvious that you are not sexually excited by your current girlfriend. So my advice is to dump her. It sounds like it's still in the early stages, so bowing out now shouldn't be that difficult. After this you have the option of trying to get back with your ex or finding someone new. Both options will probably be preferable to being with someone that you're just not that into.

How to break up: I would go with the "I just got out of a relationship and need some time to do my own thing. I thought I was ready for another relationship but I don't think I am yet and I know you want more from me than I'm able to give right now. I want to be fair to you, so I think it's best that we just chill things down between us. I hope we can still be friends and I think you're <insert flattering compliments>". Then, don't lead her on or give her false hope. You also won't want to deal with the aftermath of having her see you back with your ex-gf about two weeks later.

xx Olivia
Posted: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 3:14:03 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/19/2011
Posts: 737
Location: where bugs die

give it up

she just gave u a pity ride

i bet you she has MOVED....way......way....

sorry to be a bitch

but did you really believe it was better with the other chick?

we reap what we sow

appreciate what you got

sorry..tough tough lesso

(dam letter after "m" is out"
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