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A Confused Lesbian? Options · View
Posted: Saturday, May 12, 2012 10:59:11 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 10/7/2011
Posts: 12
Location: :Paradise Lost, United States
I'm not sure if this question is physical or mental but it weird that as a girl that has identified as a lesbian for several years is it odd/wierd/un-lesbian that I enjoy penetration, by fingers or toys, more than receiving oral sex? I do enjoy it, just not as much. I used to think that sex is was just a feeling but everyone has these different opinions and it's a little hard to keep my own thoughts straight. I've never had any relationships or sex with a man before because I never had an urge to and lately I've just been wondering what it would have been like. Being in a committed marriage and in love with a woman now could it be really possible that I could just be realizing that there's a possibility of me being bi-sexual or bi-curios?

Is this question to long? Embarassed Any insight would help! Thank you! Hugs
Posted: Sunday, May 13, 2012 8:38:21 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 918,633
People grow and change, nothing is forever despite the romantic notions. Only you can say or know what goes through your mind and heart. Perhaps it's a "moon phase"; perhaps a life change. Only time will reveal the answer. Sorry if that doesn't help at the moment, It's just an opinion/observation. Even our "truths" change in life.
Posted: Monday, May 14, 2012 10:29:11 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/14/2011
Posts: 387
I am a firm believer in forever evolving, just the way butterflies do. We are never the same person day to day, whether we retrospect or look forward we are constantly changing. On that same token, I believe that if you are having these feelings they need to be addressed baby steps at a time as you are so used to living the lifestyle you already live. My suggestion would be to look into the idea of going on a date with a male, too uncomfortable for a formal dinner date? Just go on one during daytime hours like a "lunch date" as it will be much easier for you to handle. It takes less time, less pressure or moral obligation to stay. If you don't like it, you don't like it! At least give it a try, believe me when I say penis is amazing :)

Click > here < to read my first feature story, Techno Aphrodite by Piquet!
Posted: Tuesday, May 15, 2012 12:20:46 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/7/2011
Posts: 121
I think you are having bi-curious feelings, which is entirely natural to have regardless of whether one is straight or gay.

It's definitely not 'un-lesbian' to enjoy penetration. You and your girlfriend can use toys and strap-ons and fingers. The sex act itself doesn't define sexual orientation.

If you are starting to feel sexually attracted to men, then I think you're bi-curious and possibly on your way to being bisexual.

it's definitely something that you need to talk to your partner about if you're interested in exploring these feelings. You'll also have to figure out if she's willing to stay in a committed relationship with you and let you try out men. If she's not and it's become something that you want to explore then you have a very difficult decision to make on whether to suppress these urges and stay with her, or break up and be single where you can experiment with men.

I would encourage you not to get too hung up on definitions of lesbian, bi-curious, bisexual just yet. They are all just labels meant to box people into a certain definable sexuality. Sexuality is very fluid and changes throughout our lives. Attractions and urges can develop where they never existed before. It's completely normal. You just need to figure out if you want to (or are ready) to act on them now and what makes the most sense for you at this point in your life.

If you have an understanding partner and a relationship based on good communication, the first step would be sharing your feelings with her.

xx Olivia
Posted: Wednesday, May 16, 2012 2:24:21 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/14/2010
Posts: 858
Location: Massachusetts, United States
Why worry about what other people think?

Reading your email I sense two separate concerns. One is your partner who you mention in the last sentence. Your much bigger concern seems to be that you might not be a 'proper lesbian' whatever that might be and what other people might think of that. Which is the sort of thing that did worry me at 19 but does not worry me these days.

The gay community can be rather insular. I am straight, but I write for a gay blog. Like many communities that has been formed by adversity there is a tendency for members to suggest that anything less than 100% commitment is some sort of betrayal.

There is another possibility here and that it is that this is being driven by your mating drive rather than your sex/bonding drive. If you are straight there is no real need to distinguish between the two. But there are good reasons to suspect they might be different.

We are products of evolution and in evolutionary terms a female-female pair bonding can be just as successful in terms of child rearing, provided that is there is a child to rear. And our genes haven't adapted to in-vitro fertilization yet, or for that matter the fact that we now live to 70s and 80s rather than 35 being old.

So don't discount the possibility that some bastard sexist gene in there somewhere is desperately trying to turn on the 'baby making machine' gene.

I must stress here that my argument is meant to be factual rather than normative. The fact that we are biological creatures with some multi million year old genetic code adapted to a particular way of life does not make that life 'better'. We are all of us living way outside our design parameters. We are also designed to eat and store as many calories as possible because we are adapted to the possibility of famine.

Understanding what might be going on is merely a tool to help find out a solution. Depending on you and your partner, that solution might run from having a date with a straight or bi guy
  • , to her taking you with a strapon. It is also possible that she is having similar feelings.

    I certainly don't think that there is any particular merit to being a 'gold star' lesbian. Better to try something and know than make an issue of not having tried it.

  • Taking a gay guy to bed does not seem like a good plan in this particular circumstance. Not unless you want to make a comedic movie.

  • sprite
    Posted: Thursday, May 17, 2012 12:15:13 PM

    Rank: Her Royal Spriteness

    Joined: 6/18/2010
    Posts: 24,698
    Location: Over Jen's lap
    for the record, my same sex partner/gf/wife and i enjoy penetration sex and we're not fantasizing about guys while indulging - it simply feels good to have another woman making you, well... feel good. not matter what you're doing, she's still a woman.

    Posted: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 3:09:34 PM

    Rank: Forum Guru

    Joined: 10/19/2011
    Posts: 737
    Location: where bugs die
    who do you thik strap o'ss were made for??

    (sorry my letter after m is out!)

    the pussy is made to be played with both ways

    you are sooo ok :)

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