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I want to spice up my sexual life with my boyfriend but... Options · View
Posted: Tuesday, January 10, 2012 9:49:00 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 927,123
He doesn't like the idea of sex toys or lube that intensifies sex. I really dont want to pressure him at all, but I get really turned on thinking about him playing with me with a vibrator or something like that.

So the question is; Should I drop it, or talk to him about it?
Posted: Tuesday, January 10, 2012 11:56:42 PM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 11,373
Location: Cakeland
Tell him that if he doesn't get with the program and become Good, Giving & Game...It might be time for you to locate a new boyfriend.

Perhaps that'll adjust his attitude?

Obscenity is the last refuge of an inarticulate motherfucker.
Posted: Wednesday, January 11, 2012 1:19:08 AM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 12/18/2011
Posts: 1
Location: United States
Maybe you should get a small vibrator (Or hell, a Wevibe! Those work for both parties.) and introduce it into sex. Tell him how sexy you think it would be for him to make you cum with the vibrator.
Posted: Wednesday, January 11, 2012 4:32:12 AM

Rank: Internet Philosopher

Joined: 8/14/2009
Posts: 6,154
My first advice is get the vibrator and the lube. Order it in the mail if you like but don't feel you need his permission.
You seem like you are ready to take control of your sexuality and I hope you do. You have 1 life and every day of it is precious. Don't waist it with someone who won't allow you to be yourself.
I sincerely hope he will understand your desires. If he does you will both be able to embark on a sensual journey that will open doors you can hardly understand.
But if he can't let me say that those desires will not wane. They will grow within you like a beast over time and the day will come when they can no longer be denied. You will be happier and more satisfied in life if you accept that fact.
My hopes are with you. If he cares about you his will be with you as well.

I know what Love is.
Posted: Wednesday, January 11, 2012 4:40:23 AM

Rank: Alpha Blonde

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 7,559
Location: Your dirty fantasy
He doesn't like the idea of lube?? Girl... not going to sugarcoat this one.... Dump him!

Ok, fine maybe that was a bit harsh.

My longest term relationship was with a guy that wanted to play it like he was a sex god but he had major issues with toys. I know, how was "I" possibly compatible with such a guy?! I love my toys, and wouldn't give them up at this point for anyone. It's not just about the toys... it's more what it says about insecurity and control, which I think are features that go hand-in-hand with the anti-toy male.

It's one thing if the guy just isn't familiar with experimental play, toys, watching you masturbate with them or using them on you during sex. If he's open-minded, you can have fun teaching and playing. It's another thing if the guy just vetoes it altogether and gets jealous/edgy about toy play because he feels like his almighty dick should be more than enough to hold your complete attention forever. I find that these types of guys aren't very good in bed because they are limited by their own groundless fears.

Toys (and especially lube, which sometimes is more of a necessity than a luxury depending on how wet you naturally are) are about growing and evolving your sex life together as a couple. I would have a talk with him about it. His fears may stem from the fear of you hauling out dildos that will make him have size insecurities. You can start with a smaller hand-held vibe that he can use on you while in doggy/spooning position and many vibes these days are not intimidating at all... they aren't even shaped like dicks. There's no reason that he should be against *all* toys...you'll probably find some to suit both of your needs and make you enjoy playing together as a couple.

If, after this convo, and after showing him some things you're interested in getting or trying together, he still refuses the idea, then I think you have to make some decisions. It's not the end of the world if the rest of your relationship is great, but I just find it often reflects other issues that might pop up later in other areas of the relationship (again, the insecurity/control thing). In the meantime, get your toys and have fun when he's not around. :)

Posted: Wednesday, January 11, 2012 8:53:52 AM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 12/6/2011
Posts: 8
Location: Harleton, United States
If a woman wants to use lube for her toys, it should be allowable by her mate. Marriage, or any relationship of that nature, is not a 50/50 deal... it's a 100%/100% deal, or it will not work. Both partners must be willing to put 100% effort into maintaining the relationship. If a man expects a woman to please him, which she must be willing to do, then the man must be willing to give his woman what she wants and needs to please her. You should be willing to give your mate sufficient time to see things the way you see them, which requires plenty of communication, or else the inevitable option is looming over you. A good, healthy relationship requires some concessions from all parties concerned. I hope I haven't rambled too much.
Posted: Thursday, January 12, 2012 3:12:40 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 927,123
I'm with Happy Pappy on this one. If it's not 100%/100% deal somebody loses and IT will cause friction, Not healthy for either party. I totally agree with Dancing Doll Too. I was a little worried about getting a toy for my wife and then a good friend of mine told me that I was crazy for not getting one for my wife and that she would love it.
Posted: Wednesday, January 18, 2012 5:03:45 AM

Rank: Candy Connoisseur

Joined: 11/6/2011
Posts: 2,658
Location: Sydney
Geez, my wife and I went to SexPo years ago and she got a bag with some goodies and also got a vibrating rotating dildo. I could not wait to use them on her, but they just sat in the closet for ages. Then one night I said, come on, lets try them. She was not overly keen with the dildo, it was a little big for her, but I reckon in the doggy position, I could have made it work for her. Then we tried a vibrator, well, she liked that. I used it on her a few times, she used it while we had sex. I enjoyed her exploring this other side of her sexuality. She has no trouble cumming anyway with some hand stimulation, but the vibrator was something else. Why he wouldnt use them on you?? May he feels that they would replace him at some stage..dunno

Posted: Wednesday, January 18, 2012 8:45:49 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/7/2009
Posts: 14,751
Location: The Other Side Of The Mirror
Well from his point of view maybe he is intimidated by toys. He may think you will use your toys so much you wont want him anymore. If he is say 6" and you get a lifelike Dildo that is 10", he may feel inadequate.

But, there is always a but, to totally dismiss toys is very selfish of him. He should be willing to incorpoarte toys into your sex life in order to improve the sex for both of you. You need to sit him down for a heart to heart and let him know that your use of toys is not a replacement for him but more of an enhancement for both of you. If he is still not open to this, then I would tell him to walk.

I really dont understand why he should not want you to get the most out of sex if he really loves you.
Posted: Wednesday, January 18, 2012 8:48:27 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 927,123
If you feel that toys are a big part of your personal sex life and you're missing out on them by being with him, then, yes, you really should talk to him.
Posted: Wednesday, January 18, 2012 9:10:25 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/4/2010
Posts: 6,735
Location: Alabama, United States
I'd like to offer a different viewpoint. The guy is certainly allowed to have his own opinion and viewpoint right? In other threads we've said stuff about if you love the guy/girl you accept his/her kinks or whatever. Does that not apply here?

If a man posted that he wanted to spice up his sex life but his gf would not allow him to explore her anally, or to digitally stimulate his prostate, or allow him to tie her up/her to tie him up, use toys on him... would we tell him that she's intimidated. That maybe she'd think he's gay if he wanted his ass played with? To dump him?

If a woman posted that her man wouldn't fuck her in the ass, how would we react?

Talk to the guy, why doesn't he want to do those things with you. Maybe start slow and work towards more "kinky" things. Get one of those warm up on contact lubes. Start fooling around with him. When he's all excited and aroused, use the lube just on him. Get him used to the idea of how it can work for him. If you have his cock in yoru hand and you break out the Warming KY, he isn't going to want you to stop! If/when he gets accustomed to this, then you can introduce it in a way that the lube is used on you. Work your way up to bigger and better things. Don't just throw in the towel.

Having said all that, if nothing changes and more adventurous sex is important to you (and who can blame you) then you may need to reaccess the relationship. Sometimes people aren't compatible.

When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
Posted: Tuesday, June 12, 2012 4:36:15 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 927,123
TALK! Sex ia a give and take thing. You cant always have it his way Big Hugs
Posted: Sunday, June 24, 2012 10:32:32 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/4/2011
Posts: 320
I agree that some guys just don't like the idea of sex toys. They feel like if you aren't satisfied by them or what they are doing that somehow they are lacking. They fear that if you really start enjoying toys that they might become usless. I suggest you buy a small vibrator. Make sure it doesn't resemble a cock at all. Then when you are having sex and he is really turned on use it on him first. Rub it on his cock and balls. He will love it and then will use it on you.
Posted: Tuesday, June 26, 2012 6:45:51 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 1/21/2011
Posts: 91
Location: United States
We too enjoy toys, vibrating ones on her clit during intercourse, and especially like the cock shaped ones, We pretend they're her lover....the lover that doesn't speak!
Once he gets's over the taboo part of it, im sure he'll come to enjoy it. Talk to him. It turns me on just hearing what new thing she might like to try with me.
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