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Reviews and Critiques for better writing Options · View
Posted: Friday, July 3, 2009 6:04:31 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 3/19/2009
Posts: 40
Location: United States
I thought it would be nice for any writers looking to find critiques and/or reviews of their work strictly for the sake of improving their writing skills and story telling abilities to have a place to post their story links and then ask for reviews. I think it would be nice for reviews to be sent directly to the person rather than posted here. What do you think?

I posted a rather long story, meant to build several characters and then bring those characters together in an orgy situation. I personally find it difficult to get even remotely aroused unless I feel like I know the characters and have some window into their lives. So I thought it would be good to build that story, establish who the people were and then bring them together. Did I succeed? I don't know. Perhaps some of you might take a moment and let me know?

First Chapter:


Final wrap up:


I hope to find other writers with strong story telling interests online as well. By story telling I mean that the writer has a idea of where they are taking the story and their intention is to bring the reader along on a journey. I believe all good art, writing, music, literature, or visual arts must focus on connecting with something deeper in the human spirit. I look forward to finding others with such a passion.

Thanks for your time.

Posted: Friday, July 3, 2009 10:26:42 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 926,831
I also believe in establishing the characters before the fun stuff and other authors here do, too. 3601 Here's to you and the others that make you care what happens to the characters.
Posted: Sunday, July 5, 2009 9:06:11 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 926,831
Hiya Satyr, these are long stories so I will make sure I will have a good read of them later on. And I will try and give you some positive feedback on both stories if I can. I think its good that we try and encourage each other with our writing stories. great idea. HB coffee
Posted: Sunday, July 5, 2009 3:09:12 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 3/19/2009
Posts: 40
Location: United States
Great, I'm happy to do the same for you or anyone who just wants another opinion. Looking forward to getting some feedback, even if it's not all good. I just want to improve as a writer so any help is great. Thanks!
Posted: Sunday, July 5, 2009 9:02:33 PM

Rank: The Right Rev of Lush

Joined: 7/3/2009
Posts: 4,792
Location: Lost in the desert west of Tombstone, AZ
Satyr, I agree with you about critiques. Lush has few shortcomings, but IMHO, the lack of a critique forum is a grievous omission.

Two quick thoughts:

one: You really, really, really should fix the formatting. Yes it's a pain to redo a story's format so it shows up with proper spacing between paragraphs. But take pity on your poor readers. Maybe it's just my being old, cranky, and hard-of-seeing, but what you have now can be a real turn-off.

two: I did glance over the opening paragraphs. While I agree that character development can make a story hotter, doing that makes it even more important that the opening "hook" the reader. IMHO, yours is a tad slow. Even if I'm right (don't laugh, it has happened) there is no easy solution. Openings are vital and a challenge for most writers.

Good luck.

Rumple Foreskin glasses8

RUMPLATIONS: Lush's leading honky-tonk and cyber bar Home of the Lush 'in' crowd: indecent, intoxicated, & insolvent. Check it out.

Becky -- FOR: Matt -- With Love:
Festive Contest winner – honest

HOW HUMANS DO IT: a fish-eye view of sex an Editor's Pick - no kidding
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