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Posted: Monday, January 24, 2011 11:42:47 AM

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Joined: 7/20/2009
Posts: 210
Location: Rivendell
Posted: Tuesday, January 25, 2011 7:57:41 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/1/2009
Posts: 1,100
Location: melbourne
I think it depends a lot on the person and how happy they are in the relationship. Not to say at all that he isnt happy with you. I have been with and known people who have cheated and I dont believe that saying "Once a cheater always a cheater" I think that a cheater can be faithful if they find what is right for them. I think you have to look at the reasons why he is unfaithful. Is there something lacking or is he just chasing skirt? I dont want to assume anything and so you have to ask those things yourself. But I think while sometimes it is just pure sex a cheater is chasing sometimes there is a deeper reason and if they can fix that they have more chance of being faithful. I have known people who have cheated because they were really not happy and went looking for the things they were lacking. I dont know if that is your case. But I do think people can be faithful after cheating.
I hope all that made sense :) Not sure if it helped you at all. But thats my 2 cents :)
Posted: Tuesday, January 25, 2011 8:40:17 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/1/2009
Posts: 364
I think "once a cheat, always a cheat" is an extremely broad brush characterization of a very complex issue.

Perhaps there are many who might agree with such a characterization, however, I think both of you need to
examine why he cheats. Is there something he is unhappy about in your relationship? Is there something
that he is missing? Does he want a variety that he cannot get in a monogamous relationship? To say one chases
skirts suggests a reason: an inability to control ones sexual desires.

So he needs to examine why cheats. And if you love him and want to stay with him, you will also need to be
a part of that. I would, however, also consider the situation you describe. You said he was drunk when he
made that post. Alcohol can reduce one's inhibitions and allow an individual to do things they would not normally
do, correct? So if he makes such a post while drunk, I would think, is quite different than if he were sober.

So while it is quite understandable to be hurt by that, I think it's also important to keep in mind his state of mind.

However, talk about it. You both need to be talk about your relationship. I have heard that couples should meet
once a week and talk (for no more than a half hour) about the relationship.

Hope this helps.
Posted: Sunday, January 30, 2011 3:07:04 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/31/2010
Posts: 137
I don't agree that "once a cheat, always a cheat."

Having said that, once a cheater on SJ, never again. It's a deal breaker for me, no matter the reason behind it. If something is not working in the relationship, I think one owes it to their partner to try and work on that rather than going outside of the relationship. As has been said, he needs to examine why he is cheating, and see if he can find a solution from there. However, I disagree where it was said to take in mind he was drunk. Drunkeness is never a reason, only a poor excuse. It's the excuse my brother uses when he cheats on his fiancee, and it's a load of crock.

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Posted: Monday, January 31, 2011 4:08:51 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 918,506
I think _serial cheater_ is a bit of an extreme phrase for someone of my age....but I'm rather prone to cheating. Personally I think it can stem from very complicated issues in a person's past...or it can simply be a case of a short attention span and a lack of will power....which I think is probably true with me.

I'm afraid I can't offer you any worldly advice...only speak from my reasonably small (relationship) experience/s.
Posted: Tuesday, February 01, 2011 1:53:36 AM

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Joined: 6/8/2010
Posts: 1,408
Location: United Kingdom
Your partner sounds like a bit of charmer and the fact that nothing happened between him and his FB friend is probably more down to her than him. He doesn't sound that sneaky about it if you know and probably gets off just as much from you letting him get away with it. If you're not happy with what he does you have to end it or he'll continually make you feel worth less and less.

Warning: The opinions above are those of an anonymous individual on the internet. They are opinions, unless they're facts. They may be ill-informed, out of touch with reality or just plain stupid. They may contain traces of irony. If reading these opinions causes you to be become outraged or you start displaying the symptoms of outrage, stop reading them immediately. If symptoms persist, consult a psychiatrist.

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Posted: Tuesday, February 01, 2011 4:28:03 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/29/2011
Posts: 270
It's up to you how you handle it. To be pragmatic, it depends on what you are expecting, but don't expect miracles.

I knew my first wife was having sex with some other men, though that in itself did not distress me that much. Physical sex can be for a lot of different reasons, and to me physical 'cheating' is not necessarily the same as emotional cheating. Eventually, though, she actually fell in love with one of these guys and that only started to hurt when she decided she'd rather be with him

Probably for the best, however, 25 years later she is still with him, and I've got another wife. We are probably both better off.

Posted: Wednesday, February 23, 2011 2:39:57 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/5/2010
Posts: 288
Location: London, United Kingdom
i work with someone who is a serial cheat.....so the term once a cheat always a cheater....really fits him.
He is very insecure and while in a relationship is already doubting it will last and on the look for the next replacement

But i believe that people do make errors of judgement and can redeem themselves. My wife cheated on me,and as the trust was gone i left and filed for divorce as i knew things would never be the same again .
Posted: Wednesday, February 23, 2011 4:02:56 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 918,506
I have been cheated on in past in real life and it sucked ass....but then i cheated on a special one I met here on line....it cost me dearly...losing her taught me a lesson well learned...I will never again cheat...I have had my chances but all i have to do is remember the hurt I cause her...for me never again.....
Posted: Wednesday, February 23, 2011 3:24:23 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 1/12/2011
Posts: 60
Location: United States
ive cheated on my girlfriend before a few years ago. i cant even begin to make excuses as to why, but i do feel like a real shit about it. since then i have remained dedicated to our relationship and have passed up oppurtunites to cheat on her again many times.

people can change, but they have to want to do so. if you are worth it to him, he will stop the cheating and make himself a better person. that said, if he does stop cheating...would you ever be able to trust him again?

"The funny thing about firemen is, night and day, they are always fireman..." Gregory Walden - Backdraft
Posted: Wednesday, February 23, 2011 7:42:25 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/9/2010
Posts: 705
Location: Florida, United States
When I was married I never cheated on her, but she couldn't say the same.

Well that's just my opinion, sorry if you don't like.

Posted: Thursday, February 24, 2011 2:26:23 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/5/2010
Posts: 288
Location: London, United Kingdom
A Lush friend ,will be onto her lush male friends as soon as her husband is out of the door,but she dosnt see this as cheating,and then to post her pictures of herself undressed,is still deemed acceptable,is this is the mentality of a cheat.....in denial
Posted: Sunday, February 27, 2011 1:42:54 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 1/17/2010
Posts: 26
JUST-SJ has said it all for me Applause
Posted: Sunday, February 27, 2011 9:51:35 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/16/2011
Posts: 141
Location: Wilmington, United States
I am currently in an open relationship because the guy that I am with I believe to be physically incapable of being monagamous. My only stipulation is that he cannot cultivate an emotional relationship with the women and that he always uses protection. Also he knows that if possible, he is suppose to bring them home for threesomes instead of fucking them by himself. I know that this sounds like an abnormal relationship, but it works for us. I am not going to say that I don't get jealous, because I do, but I also know that I would rather know about the girls, meet the girls, and get to have some of the girls myself than for all of it to be happening behind my back.
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