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Rank: Wise Ass
Moderator
Joined: 11/12/2010
Posts: 5,721
Location: The center of the universe, Canada
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You know you are a parent when you wake up at 2:00 AM and see the light is still on and your kid hasn't come back home yet. You then either get up and watch TV until they return or toss and turn in bed until you hear the delightful sound of the deadbolt unlocking, signaling they are home.
The night that changed my life, a four part series of a married man lusting after his co-worker 
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 926,652
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You're a veteran parent when out with your children and one has a snotty nose, if you can't find tissue you are forced to use your sleeve. Hey it happens occasionally.
The most annoying thing is when kids have control of the t.v then they bugger off but you carry on watching the cartoons for half hour before it dawns on you that you are the only one in the room.
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 926,652
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Double post! Slap my wrist.
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Rank: Active Ink Slinger
Joined: 3/18/2013
Posts: 33
Location: United States
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In my case parent and grandparent when you watch Scooby Doo instead of your favorite shows !! 
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 10/14/2010
Posts: 944
Location: JUST A CLICK AWAY, United States
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Every time your son gets sick, He comes to you for comfort. Isn't it amazing how rapidly they recover once they have given their sickness to you.. I wouldn't change it for the world..
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 926,652
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You know you are a parent when you can no longer go to the bathroom by yourself.
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Rank: Sarcastic Coffee Aficionado
Joined: 2/10/2012
Posts: 4,095
Location: Vancouver
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I can't really remember what life was like when I wasn't a parent.
You go into parenthood with an "idea"(I was in my early 20's - so did I really have a clue???) ... yet it blows your mind when years later, you wanna yell that it was false advertising!! LOL .... BUT we survived this incredible job and responsibility - and we wouldn't change it for almost anything!!
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Rank: Advanced Wordsmith
Joined: 2/27/2010
Posts: 81
Location: The Bronx
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You're too tired to thing. Or so I'm told.
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 3/31/2013
Posts: 842
Location: Docking bay 94
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You get all emotional in movies, where you never did before, over scenes involving parent/child relationships.
I was crying during Man of Steel today. Never would have happened before kids.
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 3/31/2013
Posts: 842
Location: Docking bay 94
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You become more familiar with other people's shit than your own.
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 926,652
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When you see a couple of hot college chicks walking around half naked during Ultra Music festival, and think..."They should cover up."
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Rank: Active Ink Slinger
Joined: 5/27/2013
Posts: 16
Location: United States
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The music that once put you in mind of lovely topless ladies spinning around a pole has now been replaced by songs about bus wheels and friendship.
You nearly wet yourself from excitement at the prospect of going to the grocery store by yourself.
When you're out with friends and you swear, then apologize in your best baby voice. "Mommy didn't mean to say a no-no word!" Yeah- won't be living that one down for a long time.
I've seen a bone pop out of someone's arm and been level headed the entire way to the hospital, but one drop of blood on my babies and I flip my shit.
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 3/31/2013
Posts: 374
Location: Atlanta area, United States
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when you tell your kids they can't do something because they are too young when you know damn well you were doing it at their age or before.
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Rank: Active Ink Slinger
Joined: 9/27/2012
Posts: 24
Location: United Kingdom
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You know your a parent when you know all the words to they theme songs of the children's programme's. When you are sitting at the traffic lights signing away to nursery rhyme cd and people look at you weirdly coz you have no children in the car. But number one for me is when i put my children to bed and i get a kiss and 'Night Night mummy, see you in the morning, LOVE YOU.'
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 926,652
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You sneak half an hour on lush while baby is napping
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Rank: Active Ink Slinger
Joined: 4/27/2013
Posts: 10
Location: South Africa
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You know you are a parent when during sex and there is a knock on the bedroom door at the crucial moment, the words "I'm Coming" have 2 meanings...
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Rank: Prolific Writer
Joined: 4/3/2013
Posts: 8,516
Location: Seducing your mind in the, United States
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When you know all the lyrics to the wiggles, Barney songs, etc.
When you are woken up at 5:30 AM everyday
When you just want your children to have the best of everything, not worry so much about yourself
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 3/16/2012
Posts: 1,042
Location: Eastern, United States
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When walking through the mall you offer to whip someone's kids ass for them.
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 926,652
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You know you're a parent when you can run barefoot over a spilt tub of Lego without even flinching. 
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 11/1/2011
Posts: 3,305
Location: Seattle, United States
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You know more about Dora Explorer, Thomas Engine, Bob Builder than 50 shades.
Welcome to visit my tumblr page at http://HK4167.tumblr.com for erotic arts. Or http://slice-of-moment.tumblr.com for non-erotic arts.
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Rank: Sarcastic Coffee Aficionado
Joined: 2/10/2012
Posts: 4,095
Location: Vancouver
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You know you are a parent when ..... you only have coins in your wallet because they've "borrowed" the bills .... when do you get that money back?? (never)
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Rank: Sarcastic Coffee Aficionado
Joined: 2/10/2012
Posts: 4,095
Location: Vancouver
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jessicaheart696 wrote:You know you're a parent when you can run barefoot over a spilt tub of Lego without even flinching  and Barbie shoes!!
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 1/29/2013
Posts: 2,106
Location: If I was in your pants you\'d know, United States
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 3/31/2013
Posts: 374
Location: Atlanta area, United States
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I have to go back in my memory for this but:
1. when you wet your thumb with saliva to wipe a dirty face.
2. you plan your nights out around the babysitters
3. the best of all-you become a master chef for pancake making.
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Rank: Gentleman Master
Joined: 3/6/2013
Posts: 4,007
Location: God's Deep Freezer
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Having one child makes you a parent;
Having more than one child makes you a referee!
Banner below is a clickable link!
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 926,652
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When every noise makes you stop and ask, "Was that the baby?"
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 926,652
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Jessica_Heart wrote:You know you're a parent when you can run barefoot over a spilt tub of Lego without even flinching. I live in a sea of never ending Legos. . .in my covers on my bed, in my purse, in the potty, in the car, you name it....there are Legos. But...there will come a time when other things replace Legos so I just smile and enjoy knowing I have my sweet little boy. (Okay, I curse when I step on them in the dark or one is under my ass when I'm trying to go to sleep. Lol!)
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 7/25/2011
Posts: 9,096
Location: New Zealand
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you know your a parent when you are mentally going through a checklist at all hours, for their up and coming events be that birthdays, school calendar events, sports (yes all of them all seasons) what needs upgrading, replacing, repairing and the added extras that they seem to always need.
Did I mention voluntary parental support, coaching, carpooling and babysitting, doctor, nurse, financier, secretary and chief encourager, judge, jury and disciplinarian! Stationery what the hell, where does it all go?
Clothes OMG how fast do they grow! Somewhere yes there's more you sleep better when they're home tucked up in bed. Happiness takes hold of you then you start it all over again the next day! Until you send them to boarding school that a whole different kettle of fish ... don't get me started!
How quiet life was before the lil buggers ... but yeah you love them just the same ... you deal with it and you keep going!
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 926,652
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You know you're a parent when all your decisions and choices no longer are based on what you want or need BUT are based on whats best for them.
And you know you're a parent when your small purse turns into a survivor bag full of colors and toys and snacks and extra clothes lol just for one day out
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 10/17/2012
Posts: 7,720
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Dudealicious wrote:You know you are a parent when you wake up at 2:00 AM and see the light is still on and your kid hasn't come back home yet. You then either get up and watch TV until they return or toss and turn in bed until you hear the delightful sound of the deadbolt unlocking, signaling they are home. Oh God, I'm almost there. My son started high school this fall so it's only a matter of time. You know you're a parent when you only see the latest movies and TV shows in passing while your kid is enjoying them. You know you're a parent when you start saving money for ... no, not his education; for the car insurance premium hike after he gets his license.
My recent stories, a threesome and some phallic poetry: The Celebration - A FantasyMy Man : A Phallic OdeBe Happy. Be Horny. Be Lush.
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