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How do you BEHAVE when you can't orgasm? Options · View
Posted: Monday, May 13, 2013 5:50:28 AM

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Joined: 3/10/2013
Posts: 1,753

If you have sex and for whatever reason you can't orgasm - how do you behave? How does it make you feel VS how do you act toward your partner?

Do you blame them? Even if they've gone to far lengths to try to help you out?
Do you get angry with yourself?
Do you treat your partner as if it's their fault or they've done something wrong?
Or are you fine with it - brush it off - occasionally it happens and it's really no big deal?

You know - a lot of women don't orgasm every time?
In fact - some women don't orgasm MOST of the time - orgasm with sex can be a rare occurrence.
Some women never orgasm at all.

They probably don't act like a spoiled rotten little child when they can't orgasm - they try to enjoy the experience regardless.

Examples of what not to do:
Get irritated, angry, then turn your back on your partner and pretend as if it's the end of the world. Not only that - but act like it's the most frustrating thing of your entire day. The entire hour long sex run meant nothing, in fact, because you didn't cum - there's no point in physical contact after that. Not even physical contact - but eye contact. Not only that - but your partner doesn't deserve any sort of communication for a while.

Does that sound melodramatic? Ridiculous and over the top? A bit much? Sure - it can be irritating and a major let down to not get off but to treat your partner like crap afterward?

Yes - well if that's you, and you do that like my husband did last night - GROW THE FUCK UP. Still enjoy the sex that you had - and treat your partner with some respect.

After the cold-shoulder treatment I've been getting in the last few months on the RARE occasion that my husband can't get off (which I can see coming mile away - BTW - I can tell when we start messing around that it's going to take him a while. I see the signs - and he wants to ignore them) . . . I'll just have to start denying sex when he shows these pre-signs and wants to ignore them. I've had enough of the attitude problem.

It's not a flat tire on his way to work or a damned cracked radiator.
Posted: Monday, May 13, 2013 7:12:34 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 918,854
This is definitely rage cage worthy......and it sounds like to me that you have a legitimate reason to vent here. Hang in there!!
Posted: Monday, May 13, 2013 7:49:04 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 918,854
Annoyed at myself and pretty much analysing the session and see what was wrong, but I don't blame her. Find out that caused it. Usually brush it off. I've cum before, so I can do it again drunken
Posted: Monday, May 13, 2013 8:39:34 AM

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Location: Alabama, United States
Men and women are different. Their bodies are different, their minds are different, their physiology is different. I can't say anything about the cold shoulder you've gotten, I don't know why that's happened or what's caused it.


Men tend to internalize things, it's how we cope. If I'd been having sex for an hour, even if it was highly enjoyable and intimate between my partner and I, I'd still be very annoyed if I didnt' cum. I wouldn't be mad at her, or hold her responible, but I'd be mad at the situation and myself. Yes, women don't always cum. But our bodies are different. If a man has cum his entire life and then suddenly he can't, he's not going to just be able to accept it right away.

It's like being constipated, you know you got something that needs to come out but it won't. Frustration. lol When we're annoyed of frustrated, we get quiet and go into our own heads to try to figure it out.

When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
Posted: Monday, May 13, 2013 9:01:14 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 918,854
very frustrated...all your mind can think of is getting that release
Posted: Monday, May 13, 2013 9:03:19 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 7/19/2011
Posts: 1,373
Location: In a cloud of flour, Canada
Normally I don't comment in the guys section... BUT I feel your pain. I've been there.
Your husband hasn't learned how to cope with his anger. He's still acting like he's 4yrs old and a spoiled brat.
I'd say slap him upside the head and tell him to talk to you. (This worked for me... but only for a little while, then he was back to acting like a spoiled brat after awhile)
If I didn't get off he felt like he failed. And I got the cold shoulder and silent treatment. (And guys wonder why we fake it at times)
If he didn't get off, I'd surprise him with a blowjob a few hours later.
But when he'd make me feel like shit, I didn't much feel like being so kind and surprising him with a morning wake-up blowjob.
And heaven help me if I thought I could finish myself off. UGH.
Not only did I get berated for making him feel emasculated by masturbating, he'd make me feel bad for doing it instead of joining in on the fun!
It finally distanced us so much that sex was a chore that had to be done instead of the release it's supposed to be.

Good luck!

Posted: Monday, May 13, 2013 9:31:46 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 918,854
Men and women are not even on the same planet when it comes to orgasms and ejaculating. To try to equate them is the first mistake.

Second mistake is to act like a man acting out in frustration is him acting like a child. Plenty of women act the same way over countless other issues not dealing with sex. So it is best to just leave that type of comment and thought process out of it.

Now this does not mean his actions were RIGHT. They were not. But how you address the issue can make it better, or worse. And attacking a man back when he is already having a hard time with things is NOT the way to go and will cause more problems than it solves in most cases. It is like trying to put out a camp fire with a gallon of gasoline. So don't do the very same thing you are accusing him of doing.

Men are often VERY conflicted emotionally about issues, more so issues concerning sex. And it is easier for most men to act out in anger and to pull back than to do the opposite. And attacking a man or belittling him for bad behavior is usually not the best way to go about affecting change in a positive direction.

With that said...... I, nor anyone else, knows HIM (or in fact the OP either). We are getting a small picture of the man, and the situation. This sounds more like a rant and wanting support for hurt feelings caused by his actions, as opposed to truly wanting constructive advice on the matter. Sure, a good rant and letting out frustrations can help us individually. But know that after that, there needs to be more calm and rational thought and actions taken to correct the situation. And each person is different, with many different factors going on, personally and in life in general. Good luck with it. It is certainly not pleasant for either person.

(ADDED: I didn't answer how I would behave. Well, it has happened before, and honestly it was frustrating. BUT, as long as the other party is satisfied I am fine with it. Usually the other party is more concerned than I am.)
Posted: Tuesday, May 14, 2013 9:15:44 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 5/8/2009
Posts: 84
Location: The Throne of the Under World
Well Im on the stubborn side and can go a really long time and everytime thus far I failed to reach it I got used this already, I hope to meet the girl who can get me to reach that point.
But the first time I was a bit dissapointed but polite about it.
Posted: Tuesday, May 28, 2013 5:38:37 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 2/8/2013
Posts: 53
laugh it off and observe that this is why God invented tongues, fingers, and toys.....
Posted: Friday, May 31, 2013 9:53:19 AM

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Joined: 4/9/2011
Posts: 386
Location: United States
Probably something like this:
Posted: Friday, May 31, 2013 11:32:39 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/17/2012
Posts: 7,609
My problem is the opposite (going off too fast). There have been cases where I haven't had an orgasm, though, and I just enjoyed some naked cuddling and intimate exploration with her instead. Can't say I didn't miss it but there were other pleasures that I enjoyed.

What better way to celebrate than being tied up by your wife and her girlfriend?

The Celebration - A Fantasy

After swearing up and down I wouldn't be entering this poetry comp, the muse snuck up and smacked me upside the head with a baseball bat. So, here is my celebration of all things phallic for your kind consideration:

My Man : A Phallic Ode

Posted: Wednesday, June 05, 2013 7:19:46 AM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 6/4/2013
Posts: 7
Location: St Paul, United States
I have found that everybody is different in regards to the same or opposite sex. I have been involved with male chastity and orgasn denial/control
for twenty years or more. For ME this is what I need to maintain a good relationship with a woman, if sex is involved we both suffer if I ejaculate.
The chemical changes in my body, READ MY BODY, pushes me to almost erotic need to ejaculate by some means, it happens quickly, then I feel like
I got run over by a truck, I lose all interest in sex for days, then it starts building and I become a rage driven asshole, until I cum.
I control this with a male chastity belt, I am locked in a steel tube and totally happy. I am always interested in sex and enjoy sex, but for me sex is different
than for most men because it rarely involves my cock. The smart man realizes he has a problem, seeks and tries a solution, if it works then do it.
For example, if you are an athlete and you become crippled, you realize your life has changed, you can accept your limitations and modify your life style and be happy. Look at this : .reuniting.info/node/4865
Posted: Thursday, June 06, 2013 6:15:27 AM

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Joined: 7/25/2011
Posts: 9,096
Location: New Zealand
I can have sex and pleasure and meet his needs without a worry, but for me to reach climax I need to be in the mood mentally and physically. If it ain't going to happen I simply don't spend too much time worrying about it.
Posted: Friday, June 07, 2013 4:43:48 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/31/2013
Posts: 807
Location: Docking bay 94
I feel a mixture of mild frustration and disappointment for my wife.

Actually, now that I think about it, the frustration is usually due to the fact I feel I've let my wife down, ie. she might think there's a problem on her end, which is why I didn't come.

I think when I was younger I would tend to get more grumpy, if that sort of thing happened, but nowadays the sex drive doesn't quite 'own me' as much as it used to, if that makes sense.

As a guy I can empathize with how your husband feels but if that were me, I would know in myself that behaving like that is wrong. I'm sure he knows it, it's just his temper probably gets the better of him.
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