However if we ignore the blinding, crippling and debilitating pain I should point out that this product is remarkably effective. Before, all manner of organisms great and small lived down there, now nothing can grow; not even on a cellular level. Sadly this includes my genitalia; I've spent the last four hours staring fixedly at Carol Vorderman's arse, all to no avail. My tinkywinkleton hasn't even so much as perked up, so if my review seems a bit harsh, it's only because I wanted children.

Probably the first thing you will notice after using this product is the pain. Although as a man I lack the required experience, I'm going to estimate that using this product is at least eleven times more painful than childbirth.
Imagine sticking a rusty razor blade into your favourite eye, before tying your hands behind your back. Then imagine that you use the entrenched razor blade to slice open a raw onion. All the while being butt naked. This product is slightly more painful than that.

Having lathered the cream all over my passion pole and clock-weights I went downstairs, sat down in front of the TV, and waited for the magic to work.

I've always advocated chemical castration for rapists and child-abusers without really knowing exactly what that means. I do now

I purchased this product in a professional capacity, as the executive intimate grooming consultant to the popular actor and fighty man Mr Chuckleton "Chuck" Norris. I asked Mr Norris to remove his solidly heterosexual combat trousers and I then applied the gel to his sub-navel appendages. He said little at first, but then I noticed a small driplet of water making its way down his rugged cheek. "My winky's gone all hurty," he sobbed. Upon closer inspection, Mr Norris's previously granite-like babymaker had become a tiny, pinkish smear of semi-liquid flesh that votes Democrat and wants to go on a date with that nice Robert Pattinson.