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Being more dominant without being disrespectful? Options · View
Posted: Sunday, January 06, 2013 4:54:59 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/15/2011
Posts: 104
Location: United States
Hello everyone.

My partner suggested (and keeps suggesting) that I be more dominant in bed. The only problem is, I'd like tips on how to be more dominant without disrespecting my partner. What are some things I can do to start?
Posted: Sunday, January 06, 2013 7:01:29 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 11/7/2011
Posts: 11
Location: United Kingdom
Its quite simple really. You agree your boundaries outside the bedroom, and role play inside. D/s is all about respect on either side - giving each of you what you both want. He obviously either wants to be submissive, or to allow you to be dominant, and deserves full respect for that.
Posted: Sunday, January 06, 2013 8:50:43 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 11/14/2012
Posts: 39
Location: United States
Has your partner indicated how he/she wants you to be more dominant? Does it involve BDSM or just being more aggressive? Has he/she mentioned anything specific that he/she would like?

Start out slowly, pay close attention, and see what things he/she gets excited about and enjoys. In your spare time when you're not distracted and have the time to talk and possibly follow up with some sex play, pull out some erotic photos, videos or stories on the spicier side and ask, "What do you think of this?" Better yet, flat out ask, "What would you like me to do that will really turn you on?"

Responsible partners entering BDSM relationships will go over a checklist of things they have done, would like to do, and things they would not like to do (hard limits). It sounds unromantic and very impersonal, but it will help you gauge how far you can take things.

Good luck!

Ms Quote

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Posted: Monday, January 07, 2013 6:57:21 AM

Rank: Alpha Blonde

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 7,542
Location: Your dirty fantasy
Being more dominant can mean a range of things - from initiating sex more often and making him feel sexually wanted, calling the shots during sex (ie. position changes, controlling the tempo hard/soft), more directed dirty talk (eg. "lick my like this", "fuck me harder" etc) all the way up to full scale BDSM or strap-on.

I think a lot of times, guys are just tired of always being the ones having to get the sexual ball rolling and always being in control of how the sex play progresses, especially once you're in a longer term relationship where the initial hot sex starts to settle down. They want to feel like you want them sexually, and are willing to take charge to get it.

Without really knowing what he's into, you could start by maybe pinning him down, tying him up or blindfolding him, sitting on his face/grinding on it, directing things by being on top more, talking dirty and telling him the things you're going to do to him or make him do to you. I think the vast majority of guys would love that and definitely wouldn't see it as being at a 'disrespectful' level of dominant. From there, you can maybe open things up more and talk - communication is always key - and find out what he has in mind or what he'd like to try next.

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